Getting Along With Your Leaders

“Living Within Boundaries…and Liking It!”

Purpose: By the end of this lesson, I want my students to understand the need to get along with their authorities.  

Additional Resources: Overhead and Student Handout. Also, note that this is one of two lessons dealing with authorities. This lesson deals with obedience to authorities, the second with changing authorities.  

Hints: Some of our students despise authority. Perhaps their parents have let them down. Perhaps they've had bad experiences with unreasonable authorities. Whatever the case, they have no respect for authority and resent the fact that anyone claims authority over them. In order to reach these students, we've got to engage, not just their minds, but their emotions and their will. Here are some ways to make it more personal. 1) Think through times when you rebelled against or disobeyed authorities and later regretted it. Has your attitude toward authorities changed over the years? Would some of these personal stories enhance the lesson? 2) Do you know a police officer (or another authority) who would come across well (friendly, sociable) in a classroom setting? Consider interviewing him or her in order to personalize our authorities. Most students don't seem to understand that authorities are people - people with dreams, people with feelings. Find out why they became officers, some things they have in common with your students, some of the more difficult parts of their jobs and how lack of respect hurts them. 

Illustration: In Part One of the Back to the Future trilogy, Michael J. Fox plays Marty McFly, a cool and talented student who's surrounded by goofy authority figures. How many of you saw the movie? His dad is a geek who is controlled by Marty’s mom. His principal is a clueless disciplinarian who seems to enjoy reminding Marty that he’s a “slacker,” who, like his father, won’t amount to anything.  

Idea:  Use a couple of clips from the movie, such as the first time we meet Marty’s mom and geeky dad, an encounter with the principal, or the time when Marty tried out for the talent show and the adults rejected him for being "too loud."

Discussion: How many of you think that this is typical of the way TV presents authority figures in youth movies? What other movies or TV shows can you think of that present authority figures as either unsympathetic, clueless, or worse? (The principal in Matilda, Adam Sandler’s father in Big Daddy, The Rug Rat’s parents, parodies of presidents in Comedy Central, parents in Small Soldiers, etc.) 

What's the danger of being told over and over that authority figures are either obnoxious power freaks or inept geeks? (Although they're not all that way, we can begin to despise all of them, whether we know them or not.) 

Today, we're not trying to say that all authority figures are great people. Some are and some aren't. We're just trying to understand our feelings toward authorities, the need for authorities and to seek a more balanced view. 

Who Are Our Authorities?

Brainstorm: Let's first make sure we know who we're talking about when we say "authorities." Give me some examples and we'll put them on the board. (Employers, governing officials, parents, police, school officials)

Why Do Many People Hate Authorities?

Small Group Discussion: Divide into groups of about 5. Appoint a secretary to take notes and come up with as many reasons as you can as to why many people despise or hate or enjoy ridiculing authorities. After about five minutes (or when you hear the discussion dying down), ask the secretaries to read their lists, as someone writes the reasons on the board. (Here are some possible reasons: 1 – There’s a thrill that comes with breaking rules. It's fun! 2 – Authorities restrict us from some things that are fun. 3 – Defying authority gets respect from a certain group of students. 4 – When parents relish in defying authority, their children often model their behavior. 5 – Some students were physically or emotionally abused by their parents and other authorities. Now they despise all authorities. 

Summary: So, it's easy to see why many people have a hard time with authorities. 

Large Group Discussion: Imagine that you're Marty McFly (from Back to the Future). What do you think would be your attitude toward all authorities? (Not respect. Despise. Want to disobey.) 

So, the next time Marty meets a new authority,  like a boss at work or a police officer or goes to a new school and sees the new principal, how do you think his bad experiences in the past might color his view of the new authorities? (He'd probably judge them as geeky and unfeeling, although he didn't even know them.) Is that fair? (No, but people do it all the time.)

How can understanding the development of our attitudes toward authorities help us deal with authorities? (We realize that our experiences often prejudice us against them. Knowing this helps us look at them more objectively.)

Do We Really Need Laws and Authorities?

Large Group Discussion: Sometimes, because of our bad experiences with authorities, something inside us wants to buck all authority and despise all laws. But let's think for a minute. What would it be like to live in a country with no laws and no authorities? On one side of the board, let's list the benefits; on the other, the headaches. (The following table lists ideas that students may come up with.) 

By the way, there's a name for this state of affairs, often after a ruling government has fallen apart. The rule of the people is Democracy. The rule of a king is called a what? (Monarchy) No governmental controls, where people do as they please is called what? (Anarchy)

Transition: When we think it through, it's pretty evident that we wouldn't have much freedom in a lawless society. Anarchy wouldn't be much fun. But if we're going to have laws, we've got to have authorities to enforce them. So, we might as well figure out how to best get along with them.

Getting Along With Our Leaders

Discussion: A friend confides in you: 

"I've got a major problem with all authority figures. Any time my parents give me advice, I want to do just the opposite. Whenever I see a police car, I want to spit on it. I enjoy nothing better than breaking the law, just to be breaking it! But I just saw a movie about a person with an attitude like mine whose life spiraled out of control and ended up a total loser. I don't want to destroy my life. What can I do to change my attitude?"

What advice would you give this friend? (Put their answers on the board. The below insights might be shared by the students, which you could expand upon. There's enough material here for a couple of lessons, so just pick what you feel are the strongest points.)

1) Think through how you developed this attitude.

Just because our parents and some of our teachers come across as heartless doesn't mean that all authorities are that way. Realize that our backgrounds often color how we see all authorities.  

2) Realize that we can't escape authority

There is no such thing as a life without authority. You can choose the game, but you can't choose the rules. (From Halftime p. 155) 

Illustration: A kite strains against the restricting force of its string. But should it break free, it would experience but a brief moment of exhilarating freedom before first floundering, and then tumbling to the ground. As a kite can't fly without the restricting force of its string, so we can't maximize our potential while cutting the strings that guide and protect us. True freedom is found, not in escaping all authority and accountability, but in respecting and welcoming it. 

3) Realize that often there are reasons for laws we don't understand.

Sometimes we complain about laws and rules without fully understanding why they exist. 

Illustration: Imagine you're driving along and see a sign that warns: "25 mph Curve." You think, "That's the stupidest sign I've ever seen. I know that I could take that curve at 40 mph with no problem." What are the possible reasons for the sign that you might not be thinking of? (There may be a blind drive just after the curve. Children may sometimes ride bikes after the curve. Gravel may collect on the curve, making it slick.) 

In the same way, if we understood the big picture, we might agree with some of the laws we despise. 

Illustration: Back in the 1960's, a lot of people decided that the government and traditional morals were based on stupid, outdated ideas. A group of hippies in San Francisco decided to go back to nature, including not getting hung up about personal cleanliness and traditional morals. But pretty soon, they came knocking on the door of the local free clinic. The doctors found diseases that no living doctor had ever seen! (Source: Christina Hoff Sommers, Are We Living in a Moral Stone Age? Imprimis)

So, remember that often there are reasons behind laws or social conventions that we don't understand. 

4) Realize that often adults see life from a perspective that we can't see.

I once heard a story about a fascinating exchange at sea. As to the authenticity of this event, I'm uncertain. One night at sea, a ship's captain saw what he thought were the lights of another ship heading toward him. He had his signalman blink to the other ship. ''Change your course 10 degrees south.''

The reply came back, ''Change your course 10 degrees north.''

The ship's captain answered, ''I am a captain. Change your course south.''

Another reply came back, ''Well, I'm a seaman first class. Change your course north.''

The captain was mad now. ''I said change your course south. I'm on a battleship.''

To which the reply came back, ''And I say change your course north. I'm in a lighthouse.''

The Point? All of us must deal with authorities. Some grant us drivers' licenses. Others take our taxes. Still others pull us over on the highways when we speed. Although we may be smarter than some of our authorities or think that any given one of them may be unworthy of our respect, sometimes we have to simply respect them for their position and consider that the powers above them may have reasons for the laws they're enforcing that we don't know about. 

5) Discover all the fun you can have within the law.

Illustration: We’ve all seen dogs that live in spacious fenced yards, but spend every waking minute scratching at the gate. They seem to think that real life is outside the gate, and are clueless as to why their master would lock them up. The master may love the dog very much, so much, in fact that he doesn’t want the dog to step out into the busy street and become the hood ornament of a fast-moving diesel truck. But just like our animals, rather than having fun inside the spacious yard our authorities have given us, we stand at the gate in discontentment and scratch. Why can't we open our eyes a little wider and realize just how much freedom we have?

Brainstorm: What are some activities we're allowed to do? (Go swimming, play basketball, join a club, read, watch videos, learn a skill, build something, fly a kite, go for a hike, etc.)

6) Beware! There's a lure at "the edge".

Let's admit it. There's something really exciting about breaking the law and "living on the edge." It's also addicting. But in the long term, it doesn't pay. 

7) Don't believe everything you hear about great rebels

Illustration: Ozzy Osborne is the wild and crazy guy who for years defined the rebellious side of rock. He's the guy who bit the head off a bat at a concert. His first successful band was called Black Sabbath. Given the amount of drugs he's consumed, it's a miracle that he's still alive. Ozzy's such a wild man that it would be hard to startle me with any of his bizarre behavior. But one incident did startle me. 

Ozzy lived on (and over) the edge from his childhood on. He even had to serve time in prison as a teen for theft. His parents were poor and although they worked hard, they could hardly make ends meet. Ozzy's shoes wore out and he often went to band practices barefoot. He didn't even have money for underwear. Ozzy wanted more out of life and saw music as his chance to get a life.

After playing with a couple of bands that went nowhere, he joined with the band that became ''Black Sabbath.'' His take home money for cutting the first album was a mere $72.50. Now think with me for a minute. Imagine that you're Ozzy Osborne, wild and crazy guy, hot on the track to make it big. What would you do with that money? Buy drugs? Upgrade some equipment? Buy an outrageous outfit? Buy some underwear?

Here's what he did with his $72.50, which in 1970 would have gone a lot further than today. He bought for himself a decent pair of shoes and his first bottle of aftershave lotion. Then, he went home and ''proudly handed the rest of the money over to his tearful and proud mother.'' You see, for all Ozzy's wild and crazy qualities, he really cared for his parents and wanted to help them. Although they were far from perfect parents, he honored them and wanted to please them.

My point? Although on stage and in many of his antics Ozzy was a major symbol of flipping his finger against authority, in real life he realized what his parents had given him and wanted to give back to them. What have you done this week to honor your parents or teachers? Have you ever offered your parents a portion of your paycheck? I know, I know - both your teachers and parents aren't perfect, some by a long shot. But still, they're people with feelings. Do you ever ask your parents or teachers how their day went or how you could make their lives easier by helping out? Don't let Ozzy outdo you! (Facts taken from Ozzy Unauthorized, by Sue Crawford, Michael O-Mara Books Limited, 2002, London, p. 44.) 

8) Realize that authorities are people too. 

Illustration: Benny Mardones was a successful songwriter and singer who exploded onto the music scene in the 80's. He sent radio personality "Delilah" a story of how an event in his life forever changed his attitude towards authorities.

At eighteen years of age, Mardones' dreams of rock and roll stardom had to wait until he got out of the military. Stationed in Europe aboard the USS Springfield, he had a terrible attitude toward authority. In his own words,

''…I was anti-authority. I grew up hanging on street corners and thought of myself as a tough guy. Nobody told me what to do. Well, as you can imagine, I was always in trouble or on report for insubordination. Even when I obeyed an order, it was with an attitude.''

One morning Chief Sullivan and the ship's chaplain told him the bad news that his grandfather had died the night before. They were giving him emergency leave to be with the family and perhaps make the funeral. He couldn't believe it! His grandad had been like a father to him, a tough man who gave stability to his world, the patriarch of his family. He simply couldn't die.

Desperately wanting to see his grandfather's body before they buried him, he flew to Italy to catch a flight to the USA. His attitude continued to sour. He was thinking,

''The navy sucks! I ain't never taking another order, ever. If it wasn't for the navy, I'd have been home and Grandpa somehow would still be alive.''

Then a petty officer told him, ''Seaman Mardones, you've been bumped off your MATS flight – officers from NATO headquarters flying out to Washington. Sorry, we'll try to get you out tomorrow.''

At that point, he emotionally snapped. He yelled, ''My grandpa's dead. I gotta see him. Please!'' But the petty officer replied that there was nothing he could do. Hopeless, Mardones sat down by his duffel bag and started crying.

But an officer heard of his plight and gave up his seat for him. Mardones first stammered, then unashamedly hugged the officer. Although the other officers looked rather stunned, the sacrificing officer hugged him back and said, ''Good luck, son.''

Because of this authority, Mardones made the funeral, which helped bring closure to his significant relationship with his grandfather. This totally changed Mardones' attitude towards authorities. In his own words, ''I never looked at officers or people in positions of authority the same ever again.'' (Source: Rewritten from Love Someone Today : Encouragement and Inspiration for the Times of Our Lives by Delilah, Fireside; (May 2001), pp. 159-161)

Debriefing: It took a remarkable circumstance for Mardones to learn a profound truth: authorities are people. Teachers and parents have good days and bad days. They try to love and sometimes fail. They need encouragement and are dependant upon you to know that they're appreciated and that others care for them. Have you ever stopped to realize that your authorities are people? What could you do to show them your appreciation and to encourage them?

What have you done recently to treat your parents or teachers as human beings?

Illustration: Do you realize all that your parents have gone through for you? A mother who has been married for 20 years has changed 10,000 diapers, vacuumed 20,000 miles of carpet, and dusted 10,000 square acres of furniture. I know your mom's not perfect, but have you ever sat down with her and told her how much you appreciate all of that hard work? 

9) Respect them, realizing that one day you'll be an authority! 

Albert Einstein said, 

"To punish me for my contempt for authority, fate made me an authority myself." 

As weird as it seems, one day you'll be an authority. You'll probably have kids. You'll probably have people working under you. 

Try this approach: Treat authorities the way you want students to treat you when you become an adult. Will you want them to ignore you, roll their eyes at your ideas, laugh at you behind your back? Then don't do it to your authorities. Remember, they're people too. 

10) Take the first step.

It's easy for us to complain about the ways our authorities have let us down. But let's look back at ourselves from their perspective. Remember, they're human too. They need us just like we need them. What have we done for our authorities? Are they better off because we're in their lives? Are there ways we can make their lives easier?

Brainstorm: Let's take time at the end of this session to brainstorm "What can we do to help our authorities?"  (Ideas: 1 - Write a thank you note for something you've taken for granted 2 - tell them "thank you" 3 - ask if you can help them with something 4 - show respect by asking for some advise.) 

Activity: Take one of the ideas and put it into action. Have students write a note of appreciation to an authority figure, such as their parents, the principal, the assistant principal, a teacher, etc. 

I often find that when I do something nice for someone, especially when I don't like the person, incredible things can happen. 

For some of you, so many authority figures have let you down so badly that your gut reaction is to despise all authority. I challenge you to resist that temptation. We're not all bad. We've got a lot in common with you. We get hurt. We have dreams that get crushed. We like people to like us. We need you. So let's make a special attempt this week to get along.  

 (Copyright August, 1997 by Legacy Educational Resources)