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In Search of Happiness

Resources: We also offer an overhead sheet and a student handout.

Purpose: To help my students find happiness. 

Preparation: 1 - If you choose to use the drama under “Attitude Check,” make four copies of the drama to hand out to four students, giving them time to prepare. 2 – Bring four lemons to use for the activity under “Pardon Those Who Wrong You.”

Hints: Reflect upon your own life and the lives of those close to you. What makes you happy? What makes those close to you happy? What keeps people from obtaining happiness? What paths to happiness have you tried that were ultimately disappointing? What illustrations from your own life might encourage your students to pursue positive paths to happiness? Students like to hear from your real life experiences.

Introduction

Brainstorm: Imagine that you’re out hiking one day and glance down into an old, hollow stump to find an antique bottle. As you dust it off to look for a label, a strange fog emerges from the top, turning into a huge genie! The genie says he’ll grant you three wishes, with the standard limitation that you can’t ask for more wishes. What will you ask for? (Allow students some time to say their responses, as you write some of them on the board. Be prepared for some fun responses!)

Digging Deeper: Reflecting on your responses, let’s do a little dialogue where I imagine that I’m Socrates - the famous philosopher. He liked to ask people questions to help them think more deeply about their beliefs.

Socrates: So why would you want this car? (or whatever someone wished for)
Students: (Let them respond. For example, “Because it’s cool!”)
Socrates: So why would you want something that’s cool?
Students: Because everyone would think I’m cool.
Socrates: So why would you want everyone to think you’re cool?
Students: Because it’s fun to be cool.
Socrates: So, you really want the car because you think it would be fun. It would make you happy.
Students: Right.

(Teacher: As you do this with several of the students’ wishes, try to bring them to the point where they see that the real reason they want certain things is that they think they will bring happiness.)

The Point: So...the bottom line is that the reason we desire these things is that we think they will bring us happiness. Right? Happiness is very important to us. But when social scientists have studied what makes people happy, they’ve found some rather startling things. Some people work like crazy to get something they think will make them happy; but when they get it, they find that they’re no happier than they were before.  Here are some interesting things that social scientists have found:

Debriefing: What can we learn from these studies? (Money and things don’t necessarily make us happier. In fact, striving too hard after wealth might just make us less happy.)

Sure, those who have enough money to afford food and shelter are happier than those who lack these basics.  But beyond taking care of the essentials, money doesn't do much for our happiness.

Small Group Discussion: So, if money doesn't make people happy, what does? Imagine that a friend says to you, “Why can’t I find happiness? I work like crazy at being the best football player, but even when we win, in a few days I’m no happier than before.” In your groups, discuss some things you might suggest to your friend. (Give them a few minutes.)

Debriefing:  What are some of your suggestions to your friend? (Write some of their responses on the board.)

"Joy is not in things! It is in us!" (Benjamin Franklin) 

Transition: Psychologists and social scientists have been trying to discover what makes people happy, especially over the past 10 years. Here are some of the characteristics that happy people tend to have. You've already mentioned some of them. I’ll put them in a handy acrostic (H.A.P.P.I.E.R.) to help you remember how to become a happier person. 

Keys to Happiness
(According to Recent Scientific Studies)

Help Others (Bringing happiness to others makes us happy.)

Happiness is a by-product of an effort to make someone else happy. (Gretta Brooker Palmer)

Game: “Make Me Smile”

Everyone get a partner. Without touching, try to get the person to smile before the timer goes off (about 30 seconds). Now switch and try to get the other person to smile.  Now, let each of the winners (who made someone smile) come to the front. Find a partner up front and try to make them smile (again, in about 30 seconds).

Debriefing: What are some things students did to make the partner smile. (Goofy faces, laughing themselves, etc.) Isn’t it interesting that in making someone else smile, we often have to smile, or at least have a good time ourselves? How did it feel to make someone smile? Isn’t it funny how making others happy can make us happy?

What are some things you’ve done to help others that give you great satisfaction? (Mention service projects, helping at home or in the neighborhood, mission projects through your church, etc.)

Story: Frederick Douglass, a former slave and conductor on the "Underground Railroad," risked his life to free slaves before slavery was outlawed. How do you think his service impacted his personal happiness? According to Douglass, 

"True as a means of destroying slavery, it was like an attempt to bail out the ocean with a teaspoon, but the thought that there was one less slave, and one more freeman -- having myself been a slave, and a fugitive slave -- brought to my heart unspeakable joy."

Attitude Check (Count your blessings and be grateful.)

Drama: Till I Met Someone With No Feet

Tara (to Darin, seated in front of her): “I CANNOT BELIEVE that my parents won’t buy me some decent tennis shoes. It’s SOOO embarrassing to run in K-Mart specials when everyone else has $100 name brands.”

Darin: “They’re not so bad, really. Ask Jade.”

Tara (suddenly realizing that Jade, in a wheelchair without feet [make this illusion by tucking her feet under the wheelchair, with a cloth over them, and a bandaged stub hanging from each knee, which appear to be the end of each leg] was overhearing the conversation.): “Sorry Jade. I’m sure that my whining sounds pretty silly to you. Here I am, complaining that I have no shoes, and you have no feet. Yet, you seem happy. How do you handle it?”

Jade: “After my accident, I got bitter. But then I went for rehab at the hospital, and met a guy who was paralyzed from the neck down. His head was all he could move. But strangely, he was just glad to be alive, and enjoyed painting pictures with his brush held between his teeth like this (she puts her pencil in her mouth and tries to draw on a paper). I realized that I was pretty lucky to be able to use my arms.”

Tara: (Thoughtfully) “I guess we’ve got it made. When I start to complain about what I don’t have, I’m gonna stop and be thankful for what I do have. (Looking down at her shoes) These shoes aren’t so bad after all.”

Narrator

“Someone once said that he complained about having no shoes, until he met someone with no feet. Most of us focus on those who have more than us and we get jealous. Others have learned to focus on those with less, and be grateful for what they’ve got. Today, when we start to get down or complain, let’s realize that someone’s always got it worse. We’ve got a lot to be thankful for.”

Discussion Questions

1) Why was Tara upset?
2) What was wrong with Jade?
3) What happened to Jade that taught her how to be thankful?
4) What did Tara learn from Jade?
5) What can we do today to complain less and be more thankful?

Brainstorm: What’s Going Right?

Normally, we tend to take for granted the things that go well and keep on the top of our minds the things that are going wrong. If we can reverse that by constantly rehearsing in our minds the things that are going right, we can change our outlook on life. Let’s brainstorm all the things we have going for us today. Can someone write these on the board? (Keep giving them hints, like that they’re not on death row, not in prison, have both arms, have water around their eyes to lubricate them, etc.) On the other side of the board, let’s list some things going wrong (a much smaller list. Isn’t it evident that if we could keep in our minds what's going right in contrast to what's going wrong, that we’d be much happier people?

Pursue Quality Relationships (With family and friends.)

”There is no hope of joy except in human relations.” (Pilot and Novelist Antoine de Saint-Exupery)

Loving things and using people leads to misery. Loving people and using things can lead to happiness.

Pardon Those Who Wrong You (Don’t hold grudges.)

Game: Who's The Toughest? 

Get four volunteers for a macho man contest. Give each a half of a lemon. They are to face the audience, peal the lemon and eat it. The one who can do it with the least amount of facial expressions wins. Award each of them something like a cracker to get the taste out of their mouths.

Debriefing: When you hurt people with your words or actions, what are different ways they react? (Some get mad and get over it. Some don’t act mad, but simmer inside, keeping lists of your wrongs and exploding with the list later. Some try to work things out. Some deal with it and then put it behind them.) What’s the healthiest way to deal with hurt? (Deal with it honestly, then put it behind you with forgiveness.) It’s been said that when life serves you lemons, you can either wallow in your misery or make lemonade. Those who choose to make lemonade are the happiest.

''You have the capacity to choose what you think about. If you choose to think about past hurts, you will continue to feel bad. While it's true you can't change the effect past influences had on you once, you can change the effect they have on you now.'' (Gary McKay, Ph.D.)

Immerse Yourself in Something (Work and/or play.)

Benjamin Franklin, while working to build forts, observed,

''…When Men are employ'd they are best contented. For on the Days they work'd they were good-natur'd and cheerful; and with the consciousness of having done a good Day's work they spent the Evenings jollily; but on the idle Days they were mutinous and quarrelsome, finding fault with their Pork, the Bread, etc., and in continual ill-humor….'' (Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin, p. 165)

The most successful people seem to have found something they love to do. Warren Buffett,  America’s most successful investor, speaks of tap-dancing into the office each day, where he studies various companies. He loves it! Bill Gates, America’s most successful entrepreneur, loved programming. As a teen, he could lose himself for hours in programming.

Discussion: How many of you have found something you love to do, either work or play? (Allow them to tell what they love to do.) 

For those of you who are bored with life and haven’t yet found anything you really get into, broaden yourself and try out many activities. Once you find things you love, life gets better.

To love what you do and feel that it matters, how could anything be more fun? (Katharine Graham)

Envy Not (Stop trying to keep up with the Joneses.)

Again, it’s back to looking at the bright side of things. Instead of looking at people who have more and getting envious, look at those who have less and be grateful.

Religion Helps

Studies find that religious people tend to be happier.

Discussion: It's been said that many people spend their lives climbing the ladder to success, only to reach the top and realize the ladder was leaning against the wrong wall. How can this research on happiness help us to make sure our ladder is leaned against the right wall? (Don't spend all our energies on things that don’t make people happy. If we lean it against the wall of material success, we might reach the top but feel empty. Along the way, remember to forgive, make others happy, prioritize relationships, and do the things that ultimately bring us happiness.)

Action Points

Socrates used to challenge people to know themselves. Let’s take a moment and reflect on our own lives. Which of these points are you doing the best at? Which are you doing the worst at? What are one or two of the points that you could start working on improving this week?

Teacher Hint: We’ve presented too many points for students to incorporate into their lives at one time. To help them think about these points over time, why not ask for volunteers, for extra credit (or just to “help others!”) to make an attractive poster with this HAPPINESS acrostic, as a constant reminder to the class. Each day or each week, highlight one of the points for them to think about and discuss.

(Copyright March, 2005, Legacy Educational Resources, All Rights Reserved. Sources: Sources: Marilyn Elias, Psychologists Now Know What Makes People Happy, USA Today, 2/10/02; also Time Magazine, January 17, ’05; acrostic developed by Steve Miller and Legacy Educational Resources.)