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Courage
 How to Handle Peer Pressure (Lesson 2)

Purpose: By the end of this lesson, I want my students to know how to stand against peer pressure.   

Other Resources: See Overhead and Student Handout. Also note that we have other lessons which emphasize different aspects of handling peer pressure.

Teaching Tips: Briefly look over the main points. Have you or others you know used these techniques for overcoming peer pressure? If so, would these stories enhance this lesson? 

Note: There's enough material here for several lessons. If you have only one chance to cover this, look through and eliminate what you think would be least needed by your group.

INTRODUCTION

Peer pressure destroys lives: manipulating people to take drugs they don’t really want to take, pushing them to take dangerous risks, and filling their lives with painful memories.  Some of the principles we talk about today could save us from disaster. We will discover how we can can stand against the crowd and develop a “face in the wind” personality. 

Since this session is very practical, I urge you to use your student sheet and put a star by any items that you think especially apply to you. So, let’s dive in!

Discussion:   Imagine that you have a younger sister who opens up to you one night before bedtime. She says, "Some of my friends are starting to steal stuff from stores, just for kicks. I don't want to steal; but they're the only friends I've got. I don't want to lose them. Also, I don't want to be called 'chicken.'" 

What would you say to her? (Write their ideas on the board. Refer to the rest of this lesson for a more complete response.)  

1. Realize How Cool You Really Are!  

Discussion: How can developing a good self image help us stand against peer pressure? (When we're confident in ourselves and know where we stand, we don't have to rely on the approval of our peers. We can be confident enough to say "no," whether or not they approve.)

If you feel pretty geeky and unappreciated at this point in life, be encouraged by how many great people of history felt the same way during their teen years. From Albert Einstein to Tom Cruise, highly successful people were often looked down on during their teen years. So no matter what you think, you've got incredible potential. Don't let the put-downs of others convince you otherwise!

Most of us, during our teen years, can't see our potential. We just see our geekiness. But just remember, the real you is still in development. It's much easier to handle being looked upon as Clark Kent if we know that under that shirt is a big "S." 

Besides, please remember that once your graduate, odds are you’ll never again see most of your classmates.  Get this: we’re allowing people we’ll never see again to influence some of the most important decisions we’ll ever make!        

2. Choose Your Closest Friends Carefully

Discussion: How many of you have gotten into trouble at times because of your friends? How many of you have been kept out of trouble by your friends? What does that tell us about peer pressure (First, it's powerful. Second, peer pressure's not all bad. If we choose the right peers to hang around, it can be powerful for good.)

Illustration:  A 14-year-old from California commented, “I know that peer pressure is very much out there.  But peer pressure doesn’t always have to be negative.  I am often influenced by peers to do better in academics, athletics.”  (USA Today Teen Panel, 1994)

Illustration:  As basketball superstar Kareem Abdul Jabar once said, 

“You can’t let people who aren’t going anywhere influence your opinions.”  

So, hang around people who are going somewhere!

If your friends push you the wrong direction, change friends!  Then you can get this powerful force working in a positive direction as they influence us to make healthy decisions.

And speaking of positive peer pressure, don’t forget that you’re not the only one who feels a need for acceptance.  Everybody feels self-conscious during their teen years.  And believe it or not, a lot of people feel the pull to be accepted by you! At the time of your life when peer pressure pushes the hardest, you may have the potential to exert the greatest influence of your life!  Even if you consider yourself the nerd of your entire class, there are younger kids in your neighborhood, or a younger brother or sister who look up to you.  Use that influence well! 

Listen carefully.  This might be the most difficult thing you ever do.  But I beg you to consider it.  Are you hanging around the wrong crowd?  If so, star this point as a commitment to CHANGE CROWDS!

3. Set Some Non-Negotiables 

Review: Although we spoke of this in the last session, it bears review. Who remembers what "non-negotiables" are? (Standards we set for our lives that we refuse to bend on, no matter what.) 

Do you remember the non-negotiables you set after the last session? Do you have them in a safe place so that you can look back at them?            

Illustration:  A fellow named Mencius once said, 

“To act without clear understanding, to form habits without investigation, to follow a path all one’s life without knowing where it really leads—such is the behavior of the multitude.” (Marcus Mencius)

Discussion: Do you agree with Mencius? How can his statement help us to resist peer pressure? (Deep inside, none of us want to be unthinking followers.) 

Illustration: I heard of a teacher, I believe in a religious college or graduate school, who asked a student if she would have sex with an attractive man if she were offered $1,000,000.00.  “No,” she replied.  “But would you at least have to think about it?” responded the teacher.  “I suppose,” she replied.  “Then would you have sex for $20.00?” continued the teacher.  She shot back, “What kind of girl do you think I am?” 

“We’ve already established that,” said the teacher.  “We’re just negotiating a price.”

Discussion: What was this girl’s problem? (If she had set her non-negotiables in the area of sex, no amount of money could have tempted her to even think about it.  Non-negotiables carry no price tag.)  

4. Prepare for Peer Pressure 

Note: The following material draws some ideas from a successful program called “Peer Pressure Reversal”, which trains teens to handle peer pressure.  (See Peer Pressure Reversal:  An Adult Guide to Developing a Responsible Child, by Sharon Scott, Human Resource Development Press, Inc., 1985.)

Illustration: A ninth-grader found himself in a pressure cooker.  On a school trip, in a hotel room, late at night, his roommates began to plot an early morning rendezvous with a group of girls.   And he knew they weren’t planning on playing checkers.  He shuddered to realize the potential consequences: sent home from the trip, expelled from school, tarred and feathered by his parents, possible pregnancy, possible sexually transmitted disease, etc.  But he didn’t dare say anything.  In fact, he had no clue what to say.  He was totally unprepared.            

Do you ever find yourself in situations like this, where you want to make the right choice, but have no idea what to say or do to break free?  This is where some advance preparation comes in handy.  Thousands of students have prepared themselves for situations just like this by learning and practicing this three step maneuver. 

STEP #1: BE ALERT

Illustration: How many of you understand the “tackle” position in football?  (If a person in your class plays this position, or even just plays football, you might prep him ahead of time for an interview at this point and bring out the desired points.)  Of course, the tackle’s job description is to tackle the man with the ball.  So, you’d think that whoever is quickest, strongest, and most able to pull a person to the ground would be the best tackle.  But there is much more to this position than first meets the eye.  If the offense outwits him, he may find himself stranded on the wrong side of the field, not matter how fast he is.    

A truly great tackle must be able to see a play developing.  Once the ball is hiked, he immediately notes the direction the offensive line is pushing the defenders, where the quarterback is moving, and how the play is developing. On a professional level, top tackles repeatedly watch films of the opposing team in action, in order to spot those subtle shifts, or a slightly different lineup that may give away the next play. You see, if he knows where the ball is going before it gets there, he can be there to make the tackle.

How can this insight help us in dealing with peer pressure? ( If we can see a pressure situation coming, we have time to either avoid it or prepare ourselves for our response.  

Skit Time!: Let's do an impromptu skit and discuss the danger signs that should have warned Henry of what was coming. (Divide the parts among volunteers.)  

NARRATOR:  THE SETTING IS A SMALL CONVENIENCE STORE, WITH A STORE MANAGER AT THE CASH REGISTER.  THE ROWS OF STUDENTS REPRESENT THE STORE AISLES, WITH CANDY, DRINKS, MOTOR OIL, ETC. 

ENTER HENRY, DRESSED AS WHATEVER THE LOCAL YOUTH SUBCULTURE OR POPULAR TELEVISION PROGRAMS DEEM AS “NERD” ATTIRE (IDEAS: ONE SHIRT TAIL OUT, A LITTLE TOILET PAPER HANGING OUT OF PANTS, MULTICOLORED PENS AND HUGE CALCULATOR IN SHIRT POCKET, GEEKY SHIRT.  IT WILL BE MORE HUMOROUS IF YOU CAN USE A VERY POPULAR JOCK TYPE FOR THIS PART.) 

HENRY:  WALKING INTO THE STORE, SAYS ALOUD TO HIMSELF, “GOLLY GEE, IT’S JIM AND BART!  WOW, ARE THEY COOL !  (HENRY SNEEZES, UNSUCCESSFULLY TRYING TO FREE HIS HAND OF A BUGGER.)

BART:  (TO JIM)  “HEY, ISN’T THAT HENRY COMING IN?”

JIM:  “YEAH, THE TOTAL NERD.”

BART:  “LET’S GET HIM TO DO THE DIRTY WORK FOR US.”  ( ALL THIS TIME, JIM AND BART ARE LOOKING SNEAKY AND OBVIOUSLY HIDING IN THE SHADOWS.)

JIM:  “HEY HENRY!  COME HERE MY MAN!”  (CALLING HIM OVER IN HUSHED TONES, PUTTING ARM AROUND HENRY LIKE HE’S A BIG BUDDY.)  “YOU’VE ALWAYS STRUCK ME LIKE A GUY WHO’S ITCHING TO MOVE INTO THE INNER CIRCLES OF THE COOL CROWD.  BEHIND THIS MEEK EXTERIOR (HE LOOKS OVER HENRY AND WINCES) DON ’T YOU WANT TO LIVE ON THE EDGE AND HAVE SOME EXCITEMENT?”

HENRY:  (OBVIOUSLY FLATTERED, BUT CONFUSED.)  “ WELL , SURE.  I MEAN… I GUESS.”

BART:  “THEN HIDE AWAY SOME OF THIS CANDY AND WE’LL MAKE IT FOR THE DOOR.”

HENRY:  (FUMBLING FOR WORDS) “BUT WHAT ABOUT…?” (BUT BART AND JIM STASH SOME STUFF IN HIS POCKETS AND JACKET, PUT THEIR ARMS AROUND HIM, AND BEGIN TO LEAVE.)

SHOP OWNER:  (NOTICING A CANDY BAR DROPPING FROM HENRY’S POCKET.)  “HEY YOU THIEVES, COME BACK WITH MY MERCHANDISE!  (YELLING AFTER THEM) “HENRY TURNER, I KNOW YOUR PARENTS AND I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE.  YOU’RE HISTORY YOUNG MAN !”  

AUDIENCE APPLAUDS APPROPRIATELY FOR THE ACTORS.

Debriefing: The point is to be alert. Henry obviously didn't see what was coming. What should have been some warning signs for Henry? (Their acting sneaky. Their uncharacteristic nice treatment of him.) What would have been the easiest time for him to escape the situation?  (The earliest point possible. Before even entering the store.)  Can you tell me some other warning signs that we should be able to spot before the pressure gets personal? (Let them brainstorm as many as possible before giving them the list.)

Analogy: When you prepare for your driver’s license test, you learn many danger signals, like flashing lights, construction warnings, “Steep grade”, “Low Shoulder”, “Children at Play.” When an experienced driver sees these signs, a danger light goes off in his head, and he becomes alert to danger.  Similarly, there are danger signs to warn us about peer pressure situations.  Learn these signs well and you can get out of situation before the pressure gets to you.

Warning Signs: A red light should begin flashing in your head when you see or hear:

Standard Persuasions: Get to know the standard lines people use to pull you in.  Some people are experts at manipulating others with phrases like these.     

Discussion:  Ask the group how many lines they can come up with.  Write them on a black board, overhead, or poster paper, and add any of the following they missed.  Then ask the group what emotions these statements appeal to, how they manipulate us.  Mention my remarks in the parentheses only if your students can’t come up with them.  

1.   It’s no big deal. (We don't want to be a wimp.)

2.   We won’t get caught. (We don't want to be perceived as scared.)

3.   Hey, be cool! (Who wants to be a nerd?)

4.   Don’t be a wimp. (Our desire to be macho, brave.)

5.   Are you chicken?  (Appeals to our pride, self esteem.)

6.  You’re not scared, are you? (Our desire to be macho, brave.)

7.   If you’re really my friend, you’ll….  (Our need for friendship.)

8.   Grow up! (We hate to be labeled immature.)

9.   But everybody’s doing it.  (Appeals to our desire to fit in, fear of being left out.)

10.  I’m going to get a beer, let’s go.  (The appeal of authority, leadership.)

11.  It’ll be a blast.  (Appeal to our sense of adventure.)

12.  If you love me, you’ll let me.  (Our fear of losing a friend or a lover.)

So, the first step is to be alert. 

STEP #2: BE WISE 

Illustration: On a Friday night, in the winter of 1997, near Boston, a group of teenage girls celebrated making the cheerleading squad at a dance with some friends.  Someone brought prescription muscle relaxants and offered them around.  It looked like fun.  It seemed everyone was doing it.

Activity: Divide into two groups, with a volunteer standing between the two groups.  Group #1 will try to convince the volunteer to try the muscle relaxants. (They might want to refer to the twelve statements above: "It's no big deal," etc.). Group #2 will try to convince the volunteer that the potential consequences are too great (physical danger, potential of doing something while drugged that you would later regret, trouble with parents and authorities, etc.), representing the conscience of the cheerleaders.

Discussion: Do you ever feel like this?  Two voices inside calling you two directions?

What do you think the cheerleaders chose?  (Get some input.) Some took the pills by the handfuls.  Some began passing out, others throwing up, others fell into such a deep sleep that no one could wake them, others began foaming at the mouth.  Thirteen ended up in the hospital, ten of those in critical condition.  Some would have died in their beds had parents not taken them to the hospital. (Facts from newspaper reports.)

You may say, "They were idiots!" But don't dismiss them so lightly. They probably represented a cross-section of their school, some being honor students, others being from secure homes with high standards. We probably share the same strengths and weaknesses. I think we need to admit that most of us, if we didn't have a quick way to evaluate the situation, might have taken the pills as well.  

Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, it's hard to decide quickly if the activity is right or wrong.  Here are three questions we can ask ourselves when we need to make a quick decision:

1. Does it break the law?

2. Could it make an authority (parents, shop owner, school official) angry?

3. Could someone get physically or emotionally hurt?

Note that the cheerleaders’ decision failed on all three counts. Had they asked these questions, they'd have spared themselves tons of pain and embarrassment.  

STEP #3: BE BOLD  

Sometimes we’ve made the right decision in our minds and want to resist, but like the 9th grader we talked about earlier, we have no idea what to say.  Remember the situation?  He found himself on a high school trip where his roommates were planning a late night rendezvous with some girls.  He knew he didn’t feel right about it. He knew that the consequences could be really bad, but he just didn’t know what to do.

Here’s where we go into training for the war against peer pressure.  Master these responses, and you will know what to say the next time the pressure is on.  By the way, I’ve listed many responses on your student sheet.  Just add any good ones that we come up with during the activity.   

ACTIVITY!  Although we started thinking of this in the last session, let's try to think through more responses with this session. First, look at all the standard lines that people try to manipulate us with (the ones we wrote under“Step #1) Come up with as many responses as you can for each standard line. (Again, either include these on the student handout or write them in full view of the group.  In this way, they can practice the responses later.)  

                            a) “I’ve got homework.”

                            b) “I have other responsibilities.”

                            c) “My dad would strangle me.”

a) “Wouldn't you know it! That’s the same night as my Hollywood screen test.”

b) “I’d love to, but I promised my dog I’d brush her teeth tonight.”

c) “Is that a low-tar joint?  I only smoke low tar.”

d) “I’m waiting for the Surgeon General’s report.”

e) “I just popped a few 'M & M’s;' I can’t handle anything else today.”

f) “Sure! If you don’t mind my barfing all over your couch (or car)."

a) “You’re too important to me to let you do that.”

b) “You’re too smart to really mean that.”  

c) “You’re too good a friend.  I don’t want to see you get hurt” (“get in trouble.”)  

d) “I know you can come up with something better than that idea!”

e) “If we got caught, my parents wouldn’t let me do things with you anymore. I’d hate that.”

When they won’t take “no” for an an answer.

Q. “Are you chicken?” A1. “Yea, so what?” A2. “Right.”

Q. “Aren’t you my friend?” A1. Sure, that’s why I don’t want to do this with you.” A2. If you’re really my friend, you won’t pressure me to do something I don’t want to do (don’t believe is right).

Respond confidently, finally, definitely.  If they keep pressuring you, cut it off:  “I’m leaving. I’m not talking about it any more.” 

Activity: This might seem kind of weird at first, but let's practice these responses out loud. Divide into groups of two.  Let the person with the longest feet go first. Give each of the following situations to the whole group.  Let “Big Foot” give his/her response to the other person.  (They can look at their student sheets or the overhead or chalk-board if they need ideas.)  The other person will respond next.  (In this way, they get to actually practice their responses.  This is a much more effective way to train students.)  

Situation #1:  a)  “Little” Foot”  is on the phone with you, and has invited you over to her house to sneak some of her parent’s wine from the fridge.  How will you respond?
b)  “Big Foot” is on the phone ….

Situation #2: a)  “Big Foot” is walking to school with you and starts pleading, “Man, you’ve got to help me.  I forgot to do that research project.  My teacher will flunk me without it.  Just let me borrow yours and I’ll copy the highlights of it before school starts.” b)  “Little Foot” is walking….

Look over these responses at home.  Practice them when you have a chance.  Some of you might need to use them this week!   

Conclusion

Illustration: Athanasius lived in the third and fourth centuries A.D. Although he was exiled several times because of his beliefs and was often in danger of death, he refused to bend. Once he was brought before a tribunal and was asked, “Athanasius, do you not know that the whole world is against you?”  He responded, “Then Athanasius is against the whole world.”

I want to be more like Athanasius. He had that "face in the wind" personality we admire. Out of a group this size, someone will probably be taunted this week with: "Everybody's doing it," or “Don’t you realize that everyone’s against you?”  Wouldn't you like to be able to respond calmly: “Then I guess it’s me against everyone.”  Let’s all say that together.  (Say the statement a few times as a group.)  Doesn’t it feel good to say it?  Isn’t there something inside all of us that wants to be different, to break from the crowd and set our own course? Let's do it!  

Homework:  Review the responses I’ve listed on your student sheet.  [“The average retention rate of heard material for the adult of average intelligence is 25% immediately after hearing it; 30 days later, if they haven’t heard it repeated, the retention is down to a mere 2%.” (Scott, p. 81.)]

Over the next couple of sessions we’ll practice these responses some more, so that you’ll feel comfortable using them when the time comes.  If any of you have the opportunity to make a stand over the next few weeks, please let me know so that we can encourage the rest of the group.  (If they do make a stand, make a big deal out of it.  It is a big deal.  Whoop and holler!)

Copyright Legacy Educational Resources, March, 2004, All rights reserved.