Setting (And Keeping!) Your Standards
(Part III)
Dating Series, Part 7

Review: How can I keep from falling?

Introduction

III. Learn How to Say "No."

Contrary to some public opinion, it is possible to say no to your sexual desires.

In the late 1940s only 3 out of 100 sixteen-year-old girls had had sex. Compare 40 out of 100 16 year old girls today. Over 13 times as many! It's not that we can't physically hold out. We're simply allowing our culture press us into a dangerous mold.

A survey was taken in an Atlanta school system, asking students what they wanted most out of a sex-education program. The number one, overwhelming response? "How to say no to physical involvement."

What would you say if...

Situation #1: A Group of peers are laughing at your virginity.

Situation #2: A person you are dating pushes for sex.

   First, respectfully let him/her know your standard. "I'm not going any further than this."

Comebacks to typical responses:

* "But everyone is doing it."

Answer #1: "Then you should have an easy time finding someone else to do it with."
Answer #2: "As you like to tell me, I'm not like everyone else."

* "If you love me, you'll let me."

Answer #1: "If you really loved me, you'd respect me."
Answer #2: "If you really loved me, you wouldn't risk hurting our good relationship by bringing sex into it. And you surely wouldn't want to risk losing better sex in a future marriage, if we were to one day get married."

* "But I can't help myself."

Answer #1: "Then I assume you wouldn't be able to control yourself around your secretary after you get married."
Answer #2: "Quick, open your door and sprint around the car at the next red light!" (When the light turns green, drive off without him.)

* "But we're planning on getting married anyway."

Answer #1: "But we're NOT married."
Answer #2: "So why risk harming our future marriage with regrets?" (From one third to one half of all engagements will be broken.)

* "We need to see if we are sexually compatible."

Answer: "A great sexual relationship takes time to develop. Odds are, our sex wouldn't be that great at the start. So, if we have sex, we probably won't feel too compatible and will risk breaking up because of it. I wouldn't want that to happen."

Seventy five percent of those who "try each other out" by living together before marriage end up breaking up.

Conclusion

A Tragic Story