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Patience

"The power to wait calmly without complaining" 

(See also Perseverance, Cheerfulness

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Defining Patience

The Need for Patience

How to Develop Patience

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Patience Pays for Harrison Ford 

We often look at successful actors and assume that they went to Hollywood, found directors who immediately noticed their talent, and progressed quickly to stardom. But that’s not usually the way it works. It takes lots of persistence and patience. Hollywood superstar Harrison Ford, who starred as Han Solo in Star Wars and Indiana Jones took years breaking into the movie business. In his own words,

''I realized early on that success was tied to not giving up. Most people in this business gave up and went on to other things. If you simply didn't give up, you would outlast the people who came in on the bus with you. I knew it was going to take 10 or 15 years.''

Rather than spend his life in small parts, he decided to hold out for the bigger ones, supporting himself as a carpenter. ''Over 10 or 12 years, I became quite skillful at doing the kind of high-quality, old-time work that was much in demand.'' Most of us would have caught the bus home after a few years of failures. Harrison Ford reaps the rewards of his patience. (Tom Seligson, Parade Magazine, Dec. 25, 88, pp. 8,9;  © Copyright 2002 Steve Miller - All Rights Reserved)

For Discussion

1. How did patience pay off for Harrison Ford?
2. Do you think we would have ever heard of him had he been impatient?
3. Besides relentlessly working toward a dream job, in what other ways can patience pay off? (Learning a sport, enduring obnoxious people, patience with a dreaded class, etc.)
4. How can we be more patient this week?

When It Comes to Money, Patience Pays

How many of you would like to have $280,000 dollars? Most of us would raise our hands. “But,” you might think, “To accumulate that kind of money, I’d have to be a lawyer or physician or be president of a successful business.” Not necessarily. For most of us, we’ve simply got to be patient. “Patience?” You ask. “What does patience have to do with it?” Plenty.

Oseola McCarty was neither a lawyer nor physician. Until recently, she referred to herself as a ''poor little old colored woman who walked everywhere.'' Her job? She washed people’s clothes, the old-fashioned way. She’d build a fire under her wash pot, then soak, wash, and boil a bundle of clothes.  Rub.  Wrench. Rub again. Starch.  Hang out to dry.  She washed people’s clothes for 75 years, until arthritis forced her into retirement.

Sure, she didn’t earn as much as most of us, but she didn’t need a lot of stuff to make her happy. Singing and telling stories filled her days with joy and laughter. And since she didn’t care about owning lots of fancy stuff, she patiently saved her money, a little bit each month, investing it. When she retired, she shocked the world by giving away $150,000.00, to establish a college scholarship for needy students, to offer them the education she never had. After giving away $150,000.00, she still had $130,000 to live on in her retirement.

In her retirement, she’s famous, having been interviewed on ABC, CNN, NBC, BET and MTV.  She's been featured in Newsweek, The New York Times, People, Life, Ebony, Essence, and Jet. Everyone wants to know her secrets to accumulating a fortune. Here are her secrets to accumulating wealth, all three of which involve patience:

  • ''I think my secret was contentment.  I was happy with what I had.''
  • ''The secret of building a fortune is compounding interest.  It's not the ones who make big money, but the ones who know how to save who get ahead.  You've got to leave your investment alone long enough for it to increase.'' (Simple Wisdom, p. 18) 
  • ''I save my money till I can buy something outright.'' (p. 25)

In other words, she combined wisdom with patience. Most people with incomes many times more than hers can’t save anything because they want everything now. Rather than save up and purchase a reliable car for cash, they make payments on a car they can’t afford, paying someone else the interest they could be making.

Patience pays off in money, in friendships, and in families. Where do you have the most trouble showing patience? How can we be more patient this week?

(Written by Steve Miller, Copyright Feb., 2005, All Rights Reserved. Sources: Simple Wisdom for Rich Living, Oseola McCarty, Longstreet Press, Atlanta, GA, 1996.  Also from Southern Living, The Amazing Grace of Miss McCarty, by Nancy Dorman-Hickson, Feb., 1998, pp. 33, 34.)

For Discussion

1. How did patience help Oseola save such a huge sum of money?
2. Why do you think most people can’t save money?
3. What are other ways that patience helps people? (It takes patience to carry on long-term relationships. It takes patience to learn a skill or trade or sport.)
4. What’s a way we can show more patience this week?

Patriots' Coach Shows Patience

In the 2005 Super Bowl, head coach Bill Belichick led his New England Patriots to win their third Super Bowl in four years, a record that’s never been equaled by another coach. His record of postseason wins beats Vince Lombardi, the legendary coach after whom the Super Bowl trophy is named.

From 2001 to 2005 he’s been recognized for his coaching genius with award after award, including two honorary doctorates, Coach of the Year (Sports Illustrated), 100 Most Powerful & Influential People (Time Magazine), NFL Coach of the Year (Sports Illustrated, Associated Press, The Sporting News, NFL.com, Terry Bradshaw) AFC Coach of the Year (USA Today).

But notice, those awards were from 2001 to 2005. Before 2001, Belichick wasn’t looking so good. Were it not for Belichick’s patience, he might have quit years ago. You see, he wasn’t always a winning coach. In his last job as head coach, the only other team he’d served as head coach, he led the Cleveland Browns to four, pitiful, losing seasons (more games lost than won) out of his five seasons with them. No wonder he was fired. And no wonder many Patriot fans couldn’t believe their ears when they heard that this recently fired coach had been hired as their head coach. His first year with the Patriots seemed to confirm their fears. They won 5 games and lost 11.

Here’s how one columnist described him at the time:

“While Belichick is a terrific defensive coordinator, he was a miserable head coach in Cleveland and is too unpredictable. Players want consistency from a coach and they aren't likely to get it from the man one former colleague calls "paranoid and schizophrenic." (Sept., 2000, Football Digest)

Imagine that you were Belichick in the year 2000. Imagine that your recent history was marked by such defeat as a head coach. Imagine you’d been thoroughly humbled in Cleveland by being fired, probably accompanied by a sigh of relief from many players and fans. Wouldn’t you have been tempted to quit? The Patriot fans are now glad he had the patience and fortitude to learn from his past mistakes and keep coaching, despite the criticism. Following his failures, his next seasons would make him a legend in Football, and his team a dynasty. Coach Belichick couldn’t have succeeded without patience. This week, let’s work on our patience. It just might be a key to our success.

For Discussion

1) How did patience pay off for coach Belichick?
2) Why do you think he hung in there rather than quit?
3) How can patience help us? (Enduring friendships, hang in there during difficult classes, not get discouraged when we fail at a sport or vocation.)
4) What can we do to be more patient this week?

Written by Steve Miller, Copyright February, 2005. Sources: Getting to know the Real Bill Belichick By Richard Scott April, 02; Feb. 1, 2005, by Pete Prisco, SportsLine.com Senior Writer; Belichick Fulfilling his Destiny, by Tom Pedulla, USA TODAY; Belichick Solves NFL Puzzle with Analytical Approach, by Wright Thompson, The Kansas City Star, Coach Went to School: Belichick Versed in Ways of Brown, by Bob Ryan, Globe Columnist, January 29, 2005; Belichick Makes New Case for Old Staple: Teamwork, Chicago Sun-Times, Feb. 7, 2005, by Mike Mulligan, Staff Reporter; Formula for Success, by Glen Farley, Enterprise Staff Writer.

Colin Lacks Patience

Colin loved to play drums; but the band he was with, Johnny and the Moondogs, weren’t that great. At a show one night they performed well for the first half. An attendee was considering booking them at his cinema, to play between movies. The audience was cheering, enjoying the show. But they performed terribly the second half, losing the cinema booking. On the way home, the band argued. Colin had had enough of this second-rate band. With his patience worn way past his limit, he firmly made his decision: “That’s it. I’ll not bother playing with them again.”

Today he probably regrets his lack of patience.  The other band members were named Paul McCartney, John Lennon and George Harrison. Later, with their new drummer Ringo Starr, they would call themselves The Beatles, transforming themselves into the most popular band of their time, writing and performing the most top singles ever, changing the course of music history with their innovations. 

Often it’s difficult to see past people’s flaws to see their potential. This week, let’s be more patient toward those who bug us, whether they be teachers or students. 

(Written by Steve Miller, Copyright February, 2005. Source: Shout! The Beatles in Their Generation, by Philip Norman, MJF Books, New York, 1981, p. 60) 

Discussion

1) How did Colin's lack of patience possibly hurt him?
2) How can we know when to hang in there, and when to give up?
3) Where do we often lack patience?
4) How can we show more patience this week?

“The Loudest Boo for a Home Team Ever”
(Overcoming Criticism)

That’s the title of a Youtube video of Alex Smith, quarterback for the San Francisco 49ers, getting booed one year ago on his home field by his “fans.” Some in attendance reported that the boos got even worse as the game went on, as they tore down Smith and chanted to bring in the backup quarterback.  

(Check out the video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbZ22j_X8fE .)

Problem was, the fans were frustrated and felt they’d had enough. In the 1980’s and 1990’s the 49ers established themselves as a football dynasty, winning five Super Bowls. But for the past eight seasons they lost more games than they won. Their once storied team had established itself as a perennial loser. How would they ever reach the playoffs with this second rate quarterback? Their cherished dynasty had fallen into disarray.  

Perhaps Alex was doing the best he could under the circumstances. Nobody questioned his work ethic. Perhaps the blame lay with the coaching staff. After all, the team had changed offensive coordinators seven times in the past seven years. Perhaps his offensive line wasn’t giving him enough time to complete passes. Perhaps his shoulder injuries (a separated shoulder, three torn ligaments and a broken bone) kept him from peak performance. Whatever the case, thousands of fans thought he sucked as a quarterback and didn’t mind letting him know.

If Alex reads fan comments on the web, here’s what he’d find in the Youtube booing segment I just mentioned. These acidic comments began a year ago and continued through the start of the 2011 season.  Try to put yourself in Alex Smith’s shoes. Have you felt the chill of cold verbal slams that repeat themselves endlessly in your mind? How would you have felt if the following vicious verbiage had been aimed at you?

“HE IS A LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO­OOOOOOOSER”

“There's only so much incompetence a fan can take, and I cannot stand Alex anymore behind center. He's a joke!”

“Alex Smith is going on what, 6-7 yrs. in the NFL? When is this team going to realize they made a major mistake?”

“Alex Smith should not be starting for any team in the NFL. He set the franchise back 10 years. Should have been cut a long time ago.”

“Worst quarterback of all time.”

“He HAS GOT TO GO!!! Can’t waste another year waiting on him to put it all together.”

“The NFL is just too fast for him. Smith sucks!!!”

“No coach will fix this guy. He's done.”

“Every Niner fan hates Alex Smith.”

“Niner fans hate Alex Smith so much, that they even boo him in practices. And now Harbaugh wants to bring him back for a 7th season! Smith guarantees failure and deserves the boos….”

“He is ONE of the worst QBs in NFL History.”

“They'll never win with Alex at QB. You need like a hundred coaches and twenty years of excuses for this bust.”

“When nuclear war occurs, two things will survive. Cock roaches and Alex Smith. Seriously, how does this guy still have a job?”

Lesser men would have quit after the repeated boos and endless criticism, or at least would have lashed out in response. But Smith patiently endured.  

The Turnaround

This year, finally, he’s glad he endured, and the disparaging fans are eating their words. The 49ers defeated team after team as Smith showed uncanny leadership and completed passes with surgical precision. He threw the fewest interceptions of any quarterback in his league. His passing record was third in the entire NFL. They earned a playoff spot by winning 13 games and losing only three – an amazing season for any NFL team and the Niners best season since 1997.

One month ago, toward the end of their incredible 2011 winning season, the comments magically changed. Here’s what the recent comments on the same Youtube video are saying:

“I won't lie, I was booing him at home, too...But I'm cheering you now, Alex – thanks for proving us wrong and persevering!”

“All these years of being called an idiot and a dreamer have paid off. Now he is one of the best quarterbacks in the NFL.”

So what can we learn from Alex Smith?

1. Don’t let other’s discouraging comments control you.  As the 49ers kicker David Akers said of Smith, “I just see a guy that doesn’t really care too much what people think.”

2. Persevere through the hard times. Tight end Davis said, “He’s a strong man. “I’ve been here when Alex was getting yelled at and everybody was talking bad about him. He tends to keep his head up and just keeps on moving.” 

3. Don’t lash out against your critics or try to get even. “He is proof that a struggling player can remain humble and respectful and still ultimately succeed.”

Reflections

1. How do you think Alex Smith felt each time that he was booed?

2. What do you think kept him going, even when many people had turned against him?

3. How do we decide when to believe discouraging comments and when to ignore them?

4. Someone has said that the only way to avoid all criticism is to do nothing and say nothing and be nothing. Do you think this is true? Why or why not?

5. How can we endure through criticism?

Sources

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/San_Francisco_49ers ; http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alex_Smith ; http://www.signonsandiego.com/uniontrib/20050424/news_1s24sullivan.html ; http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=3579991 ; http://www.nfl.com/news/story?id=09000d5d80ab2163&template=with-video&confirm=true ; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbZ22j_X8fE ; http://www.webcitation.org/64hl0JLyN ; http://www.webcitation.org/64loMI4hl ; http://www.webcitation.org/mainframe.php

Written by J. Steve Miller for www.character-education.info , copyright Jan., 2012, all rights reserved.

 

Games, Activities and Clips

The Untangle Game

Divide into groups of 6 (must be an even number). Stand facing one another in a circle.  Instruct each student to grab the right hand of a student across from (not next to) him or her. Next, join left hands with a different person.  Then, try to untangle (form an unbroken circle) without anyone letting go. After a group finishes, let that group assist another group that’s still struggling. If they do well with groups of 6, let them try groups of 8. Reward everyone for their patience with some wrapped candy.

Debriefing:

1 - In what way did it take patience to complete this task?
2 - What kept some of you going when you were frustrated and tempted to give up? (Examples: You didn’t want to let others down. Others were encouraging you. Outsiders came to your aid.)
3 - In what other areas of life is patience required? (Examples: Completing assignments for a difficult class. Practicing a sport when you’re tired. Preparing for a vocation.)
4 - What are some ways we can be more patient rather than give up too early? (Examples: Work as a team instead of individually. Get outside assistance. Look at the eventual reward more than the pain of getting there.)

Defining Patience

Patience as Waiting

Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow - that is patience.

There Are Limits

There is however a limit at which forbearance ceases to be a virtue. (Edmund Burke, in Observations on a Late Publication on the Present State of the Nation)

Patience has its limits. Take it too far, and it's cowardice. (George Jackson, 1941 - 1971)

Patience is good only when it is the shortest way to a good end; otherwise, impatience is better. (unknown source)

Not Just Passive Waiting

Everything comes  to those who hustle while they wait. (Edison)

Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in one ahead. (Bill Mcglashen)

Lack of pep is often mistaken for patience. (Frank McKiney Hubbard)

Involves Getting Back Up

Fall seven times. Stand up eight. (Japanese proverb)

If you have made mistakes, even serious ones, there is always another chance for you. What we call failure is not the falling down, but the staying down.
Mary Pickford (Gladys Louise Smith), American actress. 

The Need for Patience

It Can Save Your Life

One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life. (Chinese Proverb)

If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow. (Chinese Proverb)

There will be a time when loud-mouthed, incompetent people seem to be getting the best of you. When that happens, you only have to be patient and wait for them to self destruct. It never fails. (Richard Rybolt)

It Solves Difficulties

Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish. (John Quincy Adams)

How poor are they who have not patience! What wound did ever heal but by degrees. (William Shakespeare)

It's Necessary for Wisdom and Genius

Genius is eternal patience. (Michelangelo)

Patience is a necessary ingredient of genius. (Benjamin Disraeli, in Contarini Fleming (pt. IV, ch. 5)

Patience is the companion of wisdom (Saint Augustine)

Genius is nothing but a great aptitude for patience.  (George-Louis de Buffon)

It Helps Us Get What We Want

He that can have patience can have what he will. (Benjamin Franklin)

All things come round to him who will but wait. (Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, from Tales of a Wayside Inn--The Student's Tale (pt. I)

Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. [Phaedrus (Thrace of Macedonia), from Fables (I, 26, 12)]

It Leads to Success

Learn the art of patience. Apply discipline to your thoughts when they become anxious over the outcome of a goal. Impatience breeds anxiety, fear, discouragement and failure. Patience creates confidence, decisiveness, and a rational outlook, which eventually leads to success. (Brian Adams)

Patience is a most necessary qualification for business; many a man would rather you heard his story than granted his request.  (Lord Chesterfield)

The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it. (Arnold H. Glasgow)

The two most powerful warriors are patience and time. (Leo Tolstoy - Influential Russian novelist and philosopher)

There is no road too long to the man who advances deliberately and without undue haste; there are no honors too distant to the man who prepares himself for them with patience. (La Bruyère)

Be patient and calm — for no one can catch fish in anger. (Herbert Hoover, American public servant and 31st president)

Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan ‘press on’ has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.
(Calvin Coolidge, 30th American president)

There are three secrets to managing. The first secret is have patience. The second is be patient. And the third most important secret is patience. (Chuck Tanner)

Nothing gives one person so much advantage over another as to remain always cool and unruffled under all circumstances. (Thomas Jefferson) 

Little drops of water wear down big stones. (Russian Proverb)

A good golfer has the determination to win and the patience to wait for the breaks. (Professional Golfer Gary Player)

To know how to wait is the great secret of success. (Joseph Marie De Maistre)

The twin killers of success are impatience and greed. (Jim Rohn (Jim Rohn's Weekly E-zine March 18, 2003)

It Leads to Scientific Discovery

If I have ever made any valuable discoveries, it has been owing more to patient attention, than to any other talent. [Isaac Newton (1642 - 1727)]

If we begin with certainties, we shall end in doubts; but if we begin with doubts, and we are patient in them, we shall end in certainties. (Sir Francis Bacon)

It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer. (Albert Einstein)

I think and think for months and years, ninety-nine times, the conclusion is false. The hundredth time I am right. (Albert Einstein)

It's Worth More Than Smarts

Patience and tenacity of purpose are worth more than twice their weight of cleverness. (Thomas Henry Huxley)

A handful of patience is worth more than a bushel of brains. (Dutch Proverb)

It's the Passion of Great Hearts

Endurance is the crowning quality, And patience all the passion of great hearts. [James Russell Lowell, from Columbus (1. 237)]

It's a Key to Successful Relationships

For the friendship of two, the patience of one is required. (Indian Proverb)

The practice of patience toward one another, the overlooking of one another's defects, and the bearing of one another's burdens is the most elementary condition of all human and social activity in the family, in the professions, and in society. [Lawrence G. Lovasik (The Hidden Power of Kindness)]

Never cut what you can untie. (Joseph Joubert)

Patience is the ability to put up with people you'd like to put down.

It's the Secret of Nature

Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience. (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

The trees that are slow to grow bear the best fruit. (Moliere)

It Helps Us to Understand

Trying to understand is like straining through muddy water. Be still and allow the mud to settle. (Lao Tzu)

It's the Greatest of All Virtues

Patience is the greatest of all virtues. (Cato the Elder - 234 BC - 149 BC)

It's a Root to Other Sins

There are two cardinal sins from which all others spring: Impatience and Laziness. [Franz Kafka (1883 - 1924)]

It Protects Us

Patience serves as a protection against wrongs as clothes do against cold. For if you put on more clothes as the cold increases, it will have no power to hurt you. So in like manner you must grow in patience when you meet with great wrongs, and they will then be powerless to vex your mind. (Leonardo da Vinci) 

He who wishes to be rich in a day will be hanged in a year. (Leonardo da Vinci)

How to Be Patient

See Failures as Steps to Success

I never failed once. It just happened to be a 2000-step process.
(Thomas Edison, responding to a reporter who asked how it felt to fail 2000 times before successfully inventing the light bulb)

Just Do A Little at a Time

If you add a little to a little, and then do it again, soon that little shall be much. (Hesiod)

Rome was not built in a day. (Proverb)

If you would know strength and patience, welcome the company of trees. (Hal Borland)

Be Patient in Simple Things

Only those who have the patience to do simple things perfectly will acquire the skill to do difficult things easily. (Johann Friedrich Von Schiller)

Learn to be Content

Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn, whatever state I may be in, therein to be content. (Helen Keller)

Never Quit

The way to succeed is never quit. That’s it. But really be humble about it.
(Alex Haley, Successful Author)

Don't Blame Others

People may fail many times, but they become failures only when they begin to blame someone else. (Don't know source)

Get Back Up

It is not falling into the water, but lying in it, that drowns. (Unknown source)

Winners are losers who got up and gave it one more try.  (Dennis DeYoung, songwriter and member of the successful rock band Styx)

Need more resources on "Patience"? See also our related categories: Perseverance, Cheerfulness .