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Two Ears, One Mouth
Learning to Listen

Purpose: By the end of this lesson, I want my students to know how to listen and to be motivated to do it.    

Resources: Overhead and Student Handout.

Hint: Think of how either listening or lack of listening has helped or hurt you in life. Now think about how your friends and family and associates rate in their listening skills. Would any of these examples make the lesson more personal? 

Introduction: The Importance of Listening

We were born with two ears, but only one mouth. Maybe Someone's trying to tell us something - like we should listen twice as much as we talk. 

Illustration: Although listening appears to be easy, it is actually an art that must be learned.  Ted Koppel has for years hosted the popular TV program "Nightline."  He is paid over $1,000,000.00 per year to interview important people and lead interesting conversations.  Yet, he never writes out his questions beforehand.  What then is the key to his successful interviews?  

In Koppel's own words, "I listen. Most people don't.  Something interesting comes along and whooosh! - it goes right past them." 

But Koppel does not consider his ability to be purely natural.  He says that he sharpened his ability to listen while traveling with Henry Kissinger as a reporter for ABC news.

Discussion: So listening helps Ted Koppel rake in over $1,000,000.00 per year. What are other benefits of listening? (Write them on the board. Add some of the below if they don't guess them.)

Yet, most of us are poor listeners. How can we improve? 

GAME: How Well Do We Listen?

Let's do a little listening exercise to see how easy it is to misunderstand people. I'll whisper a story into the ear of the first person on this row. As we continue this lesson, I want you to each turn around and pass on the story to the next person and the next, until it reaches the last person in the class. You cannot have the person repeat the story. At the end of the class period, when the last person hears the story, raise your hand and tell us how you heard it. 

(Here's your story. By having it written, after the final student tells the story as he/she heard it,  you can read it back exactly as you gave it:

One day Benjamin Franklin's friend sharply rebuked him.  "Ben," he said, "you are impossible.  Your opinions have a slap in them for everyone who differs with you.  They have become so expensive nobody cares for them.  Your friends find they enjoy themselves better when you are not around."  Franklin took the rebuke seriously and began to work on his relational abilities.  The effort paid off in later years as he became one of the most sought out, respected men of his time.)

Rave About Poor Listening 

It's easier to spot poor listening habits in others than ourselves. Let's list on the board some specific things that really gripe us when we're trying to communicate with another person. (If they miss some of the following, you may want to add them. After they make a point, you may want to help them expand on why that habit is important to eliminate.)

Don't You Hate It When People...

1  ...give the impression that you're not important?

For some people, listening to me is simply waiting for their turn to speak.  They are more concerned with what they want to say next rather than paying attention to what I have to say.

Dale Carnegie writes,

"So if you aspire to be a good conversationist, be an attentive listener.  To be interesting, be interested.  Ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering.  Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments."

2  ...get easily distracted?

Listening involves a sincere interest in other people - wanting to know their thoughts and ideas.

Former Harvard professor Charles W. Eliot once said,

"There is no mystery about successful business intercourse ... exclusive attention to the person who is speaking to you is very important.  Nothing else is so flattering as that."

Do we look at our parents and friends when they speak to us?

3 ...unexpectedly turn away to speak with someone else?

Someone's talking to you. Someone else walks by that you desperately need to tell something. What do you do? (Perhaps say, "Could you hold that thought? I don't want to miss it, but I've really got to tell Carla about the change in band practice.")

4  ...don't follow-up on anything you say? 

Good communicators don't assume they understand what someone's saying. Instead, they ask questions to clarify or restate in their own words. This skill is so important in counseling that Psychology professors sometimes have their students practice this important skill. 

Activity: Let's divide into groups of two and try it out.

Student #1 will say the first statement (have it on the board or on the student handout.)
Student #2 either asks a question to get more information or restates the thought in his own words.  

Switch so that Student #2 makes the statement and Student #1 gets to restate or ask a follow-up question.

Remember, this is all about listening. Try to block out everything else and pay close attention. 

Statement #1 - "Hey, you won't believe what happened in P.E. yesterday! I bench pressed more than anyone in the class!"

(Possible responses: 1- “How much did you lift?" 2 - "What did your teacher say?" 2 - "How long have you been lifting weights?")

Statement #2 - "I can't believe my Science teacher. She gave us tons of homework, in addition to a major project!"

(Possible responses: 1 - Sounds like you've had it up to here with that teacher. 2 - How are you going to get it all done? 3 - Looks like she doesn't understand you have other classes besides hers.)

Idea: This is a valuable exercise. Consider having your students continue for a few minutes, stating something about themselves and having the other person restate or ask questions.

5  ...abruptly change the subject before you were finished?

6  ...try to answer your questions before you've had time to fully explain?

“He who answers before listening
that is his folly and his shame.” (Solomon)

Conclusion: The Art of Listening

End of Game: Have the last person in the class tell the story as he/she heard it. Comment on how this demonstrates how we tend to hear bits and pieces of conversations. Listening isn't easy. Here's the story as I originally told it:

One day Benjamin Franklin's friend sharply rebuked him.  "Ben," he said, "you are impossible.  Your opinions have a slap in them for everyone who differs with you.  They have become so expensive nobody cares for them.  Your friends find they enjoy themselves better when you are not around."  Franklin took the rebuke seriously and began to work on his relational abilities.  The effort paid off in later years as he became one of the most sought out, respected men of his time.

Listening isn't easy. Remember Ted Koppel's observation that most people don't listen? Remember how he mentioned sharpening his listening skills? I challenge each of us to put a star by one or more tips that we spoke of and work on implementing them this week. For some of you, changing your conversational skills will pay off more than all the Algebra or History you will ever learn. And the payoff begins now!