Resilience
(Bouncing Back from Failure and Adversity)

Purpose: By the end of this session, I want my students to know the importance of bouncing back from failure and adversity. 

Optional Materials: Student Handout, sheet for overhead.

Materials for Activities: Two pillows, clean plastic trashcan lid; beef jerky for prize.

Making it Personal: How has resilience impacted your life? Are there times you gave up that you regret? Are there times you hung in there that paid off? Sharing personal examples helps us to connect with students and communicate our passion for the topic.   

Definition: (Write on board.) Resilience = "Bouncing Back From Adversity and Failure"

Quote: (Write on Board.) ''I am grateful for all my problems. After each one was overcome, I become stronger and more able to meet those that were still to come. I grew in all my difficulties.'' (J.C. Penney)

1. Discover the Benefits of Adversity

Joke: What to Do With a Train Crash

I heard the story of a man who had applied for a job as a flagman at a railroad crossing and was told he would be given the job if he could pass a test consisting of but a single question. Agreeing, the applicant was told to imagine he was a flagman at a crossing having but a single track when he suddenly observed the Continental Express train approaching from the east at 95 mph and looking in the other direction saw the Century Limited train bearing down from the west at 100 mph.

Having further been told that the two trains were at the time 100 yards apart, the job-seeker was then asked what he would do under such a circumstance. Without hesitation, the would-be flagman responded, ''I'd get my brother-in-law." Puzzled, the railroad's examiner inquired what good that would do, to which the job-seeker promptly replied, ''He ain't never seen a train wreck.'' 

This flagman encountered an insurmountable problem that wouldn't go away and figured out a way to make the best of it. This week, like the flagman, some of us are up against difficult decisions or hard times. Perhaps your parents aren't getting along or someone close to you is seriously ill or injured. Maybe you're flunking a class although you've given your best. Maybe someone important to you has betrayed you.

We can respond in either of two ways. We can either become bitter, or we can become better. The only difference in those two words is the letter "i." I may not be able to magically solve the problem, but I can choose to not give up. I can choose to make the most of my problems - learning from my heartaches and becoming stronger because of them.

Personal Reflection: Write down some things you don't like about your life: bad circumstances, personal weaknesses, etc.

Brainstorm: Name as many good things as you can that come from hard times. (Write them on the board.) Now look back at your personal list. Can good come out of these as well? How could your attitude toward life improve if you thought of the good rather than the bad? 

Action Point: Reflect on the benefits of shortcomings and failures to see them in a positive light. Remember, the road to success is paved with failures.

II. Don't Be Surprised By Opposition and Failure.

Game: Gladiator Challenge

Ask for a guy to volunteer to stay in the ring (designate a circle) for one minute against two girls. Have him stand in a small circle (made with masking tape) on and instruct him, "You must stand your ground, with these two barbarians trying to knock you down. Stay up for 20 seconds and you win. Here is your shield. It's your only defense against the swords. You can't push or shove or grab the pillows with your hands. (Hand him a clean trash can lid for a shield. Make sure there's nothing that he could fall on and hurt himself. If he has glasses, take them off.)

Get two volunteers from among the girls. Give each a pillow (not stuffed with feathers!). You may not push the gladiator with the pillow. You cannot hit him with anything else but the pillow. You have twenty seconds. (Consider playing some motivating music, like from the movie "Rocky," in the background. Ask the girls to cheer for the girls and the guys for the guy.)

(If he doesn't go down, you might have him stand on one leg. If time allows, allow another guy volunteer and two different girl volunteers and play again. Give something manly, like Beef Jerky, to the guy who stays up the longest. You might get some good snapshots!)

Debriefing: How is this gladiator game a lot like life? We've all been around long enough to realize that a lot of people and circumstances slap us around along the way. Some of the big keys to success are to know where you're going, to know where you stand, and to stand your ground. But one thing that makes the game easier is that as a Gladiator you expect the attacks.

Imagine that before anyone gave the rules or said "Go!" one of the girls made a solid hard hit before you expected it. You'd probably fall. That's why in life we need to expect opposition. Don't be surprised when the going gets tough. Just realize that it's those same hard times that will narrow down your competition.

Successful people in every field - musicians, businessmen, artists or whatever - must learn to overcome difficulties, manage uncomfortable change and bounce back from defeat.

People Stories: In a famous study entitled ''Cradles of Eminence,'' the authors investigated the home backgrounds of 300 highly successful people. They had made it to the top, men and women whose names everyone would recognize as brilliant in their fields, such as Franklin D. Roosevelt, Helen Keller, Winston Churchill, Albert Schweitzer, Clara Barton, Gandhi, Einstein, and Sigmund Freud. What do you think the backgrounds of these people were like? (Get their input.) Raised in stable, wealthy homes with no troubles? You might be surprised.

* 3 out of 4 of the children were troubled either by poverty, by a broken home, or by parents who were rejecting, over possessive, or dominating.

* 74 out of the 85 writers of fiction or drama and 16 out of 20 poets came from homes where, as children, their parents really got mad at each other or the family. 

* Physical handicaps, such as blindness, deafness, or crippled limbs characterized over one-fourth of these people.

With all these things going against them, how did these people go on to such outstanding accomplishments? (Get their input.) Perhaps they compensated for their weak areas by excelling in another area. Perhaps their difficult backgrounds made them hungry to succeed. Maybe they had to think more deeply about life, since their childhoods were difficult or confusing.

The point is, just because our family life stinks or we have physical or mental handicaps doesn't mean we're doomed to become losers. Sometimes it's those difficulties or seeming defeats that motivate us to make something special out of our lives.

The bottom line: An elderly woman called her husband on his cell phone. She blurted out, "Honey, be careful! I just heard on the radio that some crazy man's driving the wrong way on the interstate." Her husband responded, "One man?!? There's hundreds of them!"

(What was going on with this man? He was the one driving the wrong way!)

My point? If everything is coming your way, then you're probably in the wrong lane. (Bumper Sticker)

Putting it Into Life: As Sir Edmund Hillary said after he first failed to reach the top of Mount Everest, "Mount Everest, you have defeated me. But I will return, and I will defeat you because you can't get any bigger -- and I can!'' Sure enough, he became the first person to stand on the top of that mountain at 11:30 AM, May 29, 1953.

This week, don't let your difficulties and defeats get you down. We can grow. Let's never stop climbing. Don't be surprised when things go wrong. Remember: The road to success is paved with failures.

III. Find a Team.

Trust Game: Divide into groups of 6 or 8 - it must be an even number. Ask each group to stand in a circle holding hands and count off in order, "one, two, one, two." Instruct the students: "When I say 'Go!' all the even numbered students lean forward while the odd students lean back. Keep holding hands so that you'll support each other from falling." Say "Go!" again and ask the even numbers to lean back while the odd numbers lean forward. 

Debriefing - What can this game teach us about success? (In order to endure hard times, don't do it alone. Get friends you can lean on.) Here's how some successful people learned from others.

Discussion: What are some interests you have that you'd like to develop, such as a sport, writing, art, or playing with a program like PhotoShop? (Write them on the board.) Do any of you get together in a club or just as friends with others who have similar interests? How might getting with others help to keep inspired and to get fresh ideas?

Action Point: Don't go it alone. 

IV. Resist Resilience Killers.

(Reflection: While some of these illustrations might seem extreme for 5th-6th graders, some in this age group have already experimented with drugs and drinking, and many more will have the opportunity as they go to each new grade. Hitting them with this now can offset future problems.)

People Story: Jim Morrison, front man for the popular 60's band "The Doors," had charisma and talent. Thirty years after his death his music still plays and you can buy his t-shirts at "Hot Topic." He could have pumped out great poetry and songs for decades, but his life was cut short. Although his stage show presented the ultimate rebel and symbol of freedom, his abuse of drugs and alcohol led him to slavery. By his mid-twenties his band members had to assign a baby sitter to him to make sure he showed up for concerts. His chemical crutches had stripped him of his freedom and his ability to write or perform. His heart finally stopped at age 27.

People Story: Many people try to find freedom through drug use. Instead of freedom, it buys them bondage. Some may think, "Hey, I could work for a really cool band. They wouldn't mind if I abused drugs." But it doesn't work that way. Early in shock-rocker Marilyn Manson's career, he had a bass player named Brad who was creative, good-natured and wrote songs with Manson. But Brad's  drug problem made him lose it all. As Manson described him,

''By then his life was heroin. Playing bass was just a way of killing time between shots.''

Manson began to despise him and told him firmly that he had one more chance to clean up his act or he'd be out of the band. Brad broke down and apologized through his sobs. He wanted like everything to stay in the band. But after two more lapses, Manson finally fired him. Nobody plans to become an addict and as a result lose their friends, people's respect, their dreams and talents. The only way to ensure avoiding Brad's fate is to turn down the first (or next) drug offer. (Source: Marilyn Manson in his autobiography, The Long Hard Road Out of Hell, Regan Books, 1998, p. 124-126.)

Quote: "All my mistakes -- all my stupid (mess-ups) I can categorically tell you are a direct result of alcohol and drugs or both." (Ozzy Osborne)

Action Point: Avoid anything that might rob you of your success. 

V. Find Something Worth Being Resilient About

People Story: Bethany Hamilton is a surfer. And not just a casual surfer. She's committed. It's not just that she's spent enough time on her board to become a top amateur surfer in Hawaii, headed toward the pros. I know she's committed because of her attitude toward a surfing tragedy a couple of months ago.

On that fateful day she woke up at 5:00 A.M. to hit the waves with her best friend, Alana. After about 30 minutes of surfing, she took a break, lying on her surfboard with her arm dangling into the water. Suddenly a 15-foot Tiger Shark clamped down on her arm and began jerking her around. When she saw the red water, she knew that she'd lost her arm.

She also lost half of her blood. She'd have lost it all had her friend's father not taken a surf board leash and strapped it on as a tourniquet.

People were amazed at her calm, both during and after the event. Perhaps it had something to do with her world-view. In her own words,

"There's no time machine. I can't change it. That was God's plan for my life, and I'm going to go with it." 

Although she knows she may never be able to compete again, she vows to continue surfing. Why? Listen carefully to her explanation:

"If I was like a person that just quit surfing after this, I wouldn't be a real surfer," she said. "I'm definitely going to get back in the water." 

She hopes that she can be fitted with a prosthetic arm so that she can continue surfing and playing the guitar.

Her attitude tells me something important about resilience. She found something worth enduring setbacks for. She isn't a casual surfer. She's passionate about surfing. Think again of her words,

"If I was like a person that just quit surfing after this, I wouldn't be a real surfer."

Sometimes our reactions to obstacles and tragedies reveal our true convictions. Often we hear people say things like,

* "I'm not applying for another college. One turned me down."
* "Guitar practice is too hard. It hurts my fingers."
* "Forget band. I don't like some of the members."

I've got to wonder if Bethany might tell each of these: "Then you're not a real student. You're not a real guitarist. You're not a real band member." If they were passionate about what they were doing, they wouldn't give up so easily. ("Shark attack doesn't deter surfer girl," Detroit Free Press, November 24, 2003)

The bottom line? What's the main points of this lesson? (Let them tell you.) Think back to some of those things that you thought about at the first of this lesson - those things your not good at or that get you down. Now think of all these examples we gave. Hang in there! Don't give up! The road to success is paved with failures. Only the resilient will succeed succeed in the end. 

(Lesson on Resilience written by Steve Miller, Copyright December, 2003, revised November, 2005, All Rights Reserved.)

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Need more resources on "Resilience"? See also our collections of quotes and resources under the traits Resilience, Motivation, Perseverance .