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"Positive attitude about, and trust in one's self; sense of security and self assurance"
(See also Self-Respect, Self-Reliance)
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Self-Confidence" CategoriesResources on Self-Confidence
Oprah Winfrey has succeeded in an industry where the great majority fail, climbing to America's #1 talk show host. When Forbes Magazine listed its "40 Top-Earning Entertainers," in 1993, she topped the list. People worldwide respect her, listening when she speaks. With the confidence she exudes in front of live audiences and camera's, you'd assume that she grew up with a stable family, shielded from the worries and self-doubts that most of us face. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Oprah describes herself growing up as a "nappy-headed little colored girl," dirt-poor on a Mississippi farm. Her mother was 14-years-old. Her life was difficult. She was sexually abused by several of her relatives, making her fearful and wild. At thirteen she was ordered to go to juvenile detention, but didn't have to go because the facilities were overcrowded. At 14 she followed her mom's footsteps in becoming pregnant. Then she experienced the sorrow of having the child die shortly after birth.
Her life was filled with overwhelming sorrow when her father, a barber in Nashville, took her in to live with him. He believed in her when she didn't believe in herself. Her life began to look like it had a future. At 17, she visited a Nashville radio station and was invited to read copy for them. They hired her to read news on the air...and the rest, as they say, is history.
There's a lot we could say about Oprah's rise to success, but I'm fascinated with what I can learn from her dreary early years.
Oprah shows me that a sorry childhood doesn't doom us to a sorry life. What if, when she was depressed after the death of her child, she'd concluded that she was a loser and resigned herself to going nowhere in life? What if she'd gone out and married the first loser who took an interest in her, just because she thought of herself as worthless? What if she'd quit school as soon as possible rather than taking an interest in reading and bettering herself? Had she given up, she'd have never become one of the most successful people in the world.
How about you? Do you identify with Oprah, feeling overwhelmed with sorrow about your life? Do you lack self-confidence. Oprah was there. Many of us have been there. But Oprah assures us that things don't have to always be that way. Things can change. And the change may wait for you just around the next corner. Don't give up before you make the turn.
Discussion Questions:
1) Why did Oprah lack self-confidence as a child?
2) Do you think that as an early teen Oprah had any idea of the success that lay
before her?
3) How would her life be different today had she concluded that she was
worthless and given up on trying to make something of her life?
4) How do you think Oprah's dismal background makes her a stronger person today?
5) How can learning from Oprah help us live life this week?
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Coach Belichick Endures Criticism
Self-Confidence in Spite of Criticism
Bill Belichick is universally recognized as one of the greatest pro football coaches ever. As I write, his Patriots are headed to yet another Super Bowl after completing an unbelievable perfect season, winning every game and losing none. It's been 35 years since a coach has pulled off that feat. His Patriots are one of only two teams to have won three Super Bowls in four years. No wonder he's been repeatedly voted Coach of the Year.
But it wasn't always that way. Had he believed the critics during his first job as head coach, he might have never coached again. When you see the old and new quotes side by side, you'd swear they must be talking about different people.
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What People Said and Did to Belichick Prior to Year 2000People Said and Did to Belichick Prior to Year 2000 |
Belichick After Year 2000 |
| After a
disappointing loss to Houston, Belichick had to be escorted by police to the
post game news conference. Fans chanted "Bill must go!!" - the
kindest of their comments that day.
During the conference, "the embattled coach barely could be heard over all the booing outside." "Extra police were called in, and there was some pushing and shoving to keep fans behind crowd barriers." Belichick's response: "To quote Buddy Ryan, 'If you listen to the fans, you'll be sitting up there with them.' I've got to do what I think is right, and I've been doing that. I know this team is headed in the right direction." (Source: USA TODAY, 11/22/1993, Monday, Final Edition, Belichick Pelted by Bernie Boo-birds," by Tom Weir, SPORTS section; p. 3C) "Somebody told me they're not going to another game as long as Bill Belichick is head coach." He received threats and hate mail. Belichick has been accused of everything but the collapse of the bond market"..."poor rapport with players. Media unfriendly. Humorless."..."the great uncommunicator." Belichick's response: "If you don't keep believing in yourself, you can get crushed by it." "I don't mind not being the flavor of the month." (Source: USA TODAY, 12/2/1994, Friday, FINAL EDITION, Browns Fans Still Blue / Belichick Tunes Out Dawg Pound, by Jon Saraceno, SPORTS section, p. 1C.) A crowd of about 1,000 stood outside a Belichick press conference following a loss and screamed, "Bill Must Go!" for several minutes."He is not fan and media savvy. He often mumbles when he speaks. He is as flashy as drywall." (Source: THE BOSTON GLOBE, 12/30/1994, Friday, City Edition, Not the People's Choice; All the Success in the World Can't Turn the Fans on to Coach Belichick, by Michael Holley, Globe Staff, Sports Section, p. 83.) Fan Response to Belichick Trading Their Favorite Quarterback to Dallas: "Holy smokes! Unbelievable! Outrageous!""They'd do this in the middle of the season? That is unforgivable. After yesterday, they should all be looking for jobs." "They should be getting rid of that (expletive) coach." "I've been a season ticket holder since the 1950s, but I'm giving mine up." "I think it (stinks), and I'll never watch another Browns game as long as I live." "I think Belichick should be run out of town on a rail. If I said what I want to about Belichick, I wouldn't be a lady." "We have the worst coach." "I won't go to another Browns game as long as he (Belichick) is there." "Belichick should have been axed." "Belichick is ruining my team." "Belichick is a joke." (Source: PLAIN DEALER, Cleveland, Ohio, 11/9/1993, Tuesday, Final, The Fans Speak Out: What Callers to the Plain Dealer Had to Say About Bernie, Belichick and the Browns, National Section, p. 13A.) In the final minutes of one game, "an airplane buzzed the stadium bearing the message 'Jump Art (the owner) and Take Belichick With You.'" Over 100 signs adorned the walls, with sayings such as ''Cleveland Clowns - Art and Bill,'' ''We Support The Athletes On This Team But Not The 2 Nuts Who Run It.'' (Source: COLUMBUS DISPATCH (Ohio), 11/22/1993, Monday, Fans Get Ugly in Browns' 27-20 Loss to Oilers; Belichick Hears It During, After Defeat, by Marla Ridenour, Sports Section, p. 1e) "a miserable head coach" "too unpredictable" "paranoid and schizophrenic." (Source: FOOTBALL DIGEST, Sept., 2000) His children couldn't ride the bus to school because of other students' cruel comments. He received so many death threats that the police had to stake out near his home. Eventually, he was fired. (Source: The Education of a Coach, by David Halberstam, New York: Hyperion, 2005, p. 177.) |
2001,
2003, 2004, 2007 - Wins AFC Championship
2001, 2003, 2004 - Wins Super Bowl (Second team to ever win three Super Bowls in four years) Record for most regular season wins (12 from previous season + 5 beginning the next season) Associated Press NFL Coach of the Year (2003, 2007) Two of his defensive game plans are in the Pro Football Hall of Fame. (Source: Wikipedia on Bill Belichick) "Coach of the year: Bill Belichick, New England. Belichick put together the finest season in NFL history in 2007.... There is no better coach in the NFL today – maybe ever." DALLAS MORNING NEWS, Rick Gosselin's NFL Awards, 1/06/2008. "What he accomplished this year is the single greatest regular season in NFL history." (BOSTON HERALD, 1/03/2008, Boomer Esiason, CBS Sports.) "For his efforts as a master strategist and motivator, Belichick is FOOTBALL DIGEST's 2003 Coach of the Year." (FOOTBALL DIGEST,
3/22/2004, Football Digest's 2003 NFL Awards: Coach of the Year) (SPORTING NEWS, 1/24/2004, Bill
Belichick: Patriots – Coach of the Year) Well, Babe is spooling linguini. And I'm eating crow. Belichick's performance this season truly has been one of the most remarkable coaching jobs I have witnessed." (Source: THE SPORTING NEWS, 1/21/02 Belichick Deserves Credit for Turnaround - Insider - Bill Belichick of New England Patriots, by Dan Pompei)Today he's routinely referred to as a genius and one of the best coaches ever. But many don't understand that, as a Milwaukee journalist well put it, "Long before Bill Belichick became a genius he was the moron head coach of the Cleveland Browns." (Source: MILWAUKEE JOURNAL SENTINEL, Wisconsin, 11/23/2006, Thursday, PP Edition, by Richard Pufall, Winning Has Made Belichick a Lot Smarter, Z Packer Plus section, p. 3.) |
Reflections
1. If you were Belichick, which criticisms or actions would have discouraged
you the most?
2. Do you think some of the criticism was deserved, or that it was all due to
unfortunate circumstances? Why or why not?
3. Do you think Belichick examined himself and changed as a result of the
criticism? Or, was the change in perception due totally to new circumstances?
4. Why do you think he kept going forward, in spite of the criticism?
5. How do we know when to listen to critics and when to tune them out?
6. What are some areas of life where we need to move forward in spite of
opposition and criticism?
7. What can we do this week to make sure that we don't fold under pressure?
Dignity does not consist in possessing honors, but in deserving them.
(Aristotle)Chart-topping singer Janet Jackson, recipient of the coveted Life-Time Achievement Award, recently (October, 2001) brought in a whopping $1,998,752.00 in two days of her concert tour. I'd call that success! And you'd think that if anyone felt secure and successful, it would be Janet. Yet in an interview she admitted that she struggles intensely with insecurity. So I'm thinking, ''YOU! Insecure! You're an incredible success! Tons of people love you! Why in the world would you feel insecure?''
Her answer? She traces the problem to a teacher in elementary school who ridiculed her in front of her friends. In her own words, ''I felt so stupid, so small. It affected me so badly, it is something I'll never forget.'' My point? Negative comments can impact people for the rest of their lives. And many of your friends may only hear negative comments. But there's a way to undo that negative impact: encourage people with positive comments. Let's end this lesson by practicing the power of encouragement.
(© Copyright 2002 Steve Miller - All Rights Reserved)**********************
“…by the time a person reaches the age of eighteen, he or she has been put down more than a hundred thousand times.” (Heard from a Psychologist at the California Conference on Self-Esteem Urban, Hal, Life’s Greatest Lessons or 20 Things I Want My Kids to Know, Great Lessons Press, Redwood City, CA, 1997, pp. xv-xvi)
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"I became an overachiever to get approval from the world. It's unconscious, but it's always there." (Madonna, US magazine, June 1991)
It Helps Us Learn
Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence. (Robert Frost)
It Helps Us to be Different
People who exercise their embryonic freedom day
after day, little by little, expand that freedom. People who do not will find
that it withers until they are literally 'being lived.' They are acting out
scripts written by parents, associates, and society. --Stephen R. Covey
Be Sufficiently Ambitious
Women who want to be equal to men lack ambition. (Bumper Sticker)
Recognize Your Assets
" I used to speak in the church all the time, and the sisters in the front row would say to my grandmother, 'Hattie Mae, this child sure can talk.' "
(Oprah Winfrey)Don't Be Discouraged by Failure
"I do not believe in failure. It is not failure if you enjoyed the process." (Oprah Winfrey)
Make a Difference in Someone Else's Life
Your self-confidence is directly connected to how much you feel you are making a difference in your world. (Brian Tracy)
Recognize the Opinion You Have of Yourself Is Seldom Accurate
Abraham Lincoln, although he became one of the greatest presidents in America's history, didn't have a lot of self-confidence in his early years. After proposing to Mary Owens in 1937, he told her, ''My opinion is that you had better not do it.'' After she turned him down, he wrote to a friend, ''I have now come to the conclusion never again to think of marrying, and for this reason – I can never be satisfied with anyone who would be blockhead enough to have me.'' (Sources: Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, and The Friendship Factor, by Alan Loy McGinnis, Augsburg Publishing House, 1979)
Be as Confident as a Cat
Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later.
(Mary Bly)**********************
Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this. (Unknown)
Don't Assume Life Will Always Be as Bad as it is Today
Oprah Winfrey has succeeded in an industry where the great majority fail, climbing to America's #1 talk show host. When Forbes Magazine listed its "40 Top-Earning Entertainers," in 1993, she topped the list. People worldwide respect her, listening when she speaks. With the confidence she exudes in front of live audiences and camera's, you'd assume that she grew up with a stable family, shielded from the worries and self-doubts that most of us face. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Oprah describes herself growing up as a "nappy-headed little colored girl," dirt-poor on a Mississippi farm. Her mother was 14-years-old. Her life was difficult. She was sexually abused by several of her relatives, making her fearful and wild. At thirteen she was ordered to go to juvenile detention, but didn't have to go because the facilities were overcrowded. At 14 she followed her mom's footsteps in becoming pregnant. Then she experienced the sorrow of having the child die shortly after birth.
Her life was filled with overwhelming sorrow when her father, a barber in Nashville, took her in to live with him. He believed in her when she didn't believe in herself. Her life began to look like it had a future. At 17, she visited a Nashville radio station and was invited to read copy for them. They hired her to read news on the air...and the rest, as they say, is history.
There's a lot we could say about Oprah's rise to success, but I'm fascinated with what I can learn from her dreary early years.
Oprah shows me that a sorry childhood doesn't doom us to a sorry life. What if, when she was depressed after the death of her child, she'd concluded that she was a loser and resigned herself to going nowhere in life? What if she'd gone out and married the first loser who took an interest in her, just because she thought of herself as worthless? What if she'd quit school as soon as possible rather than taking an interest in reading and bettering herself? Had she given up, she'd have never become one of the most successful people in the world.
How about you? Do you identify with Oprah, feeling overwhelmed with sorrow about your life? Do you lack self-confidence. Oprah was there. Many of us have been there. But Oprah assures us that things don't have to always be that way. Things can change. And the change may wait for you just around the next corner. Don't give up before you make the turn. (Written by Steve and Cheryl Miller, Copyright Sept. 21, 2003. Source: Oprah! Up Close and Personal, by Nellie Bly, Zebra Books, Kensington Publishing Corporation, 1993)
Don't Be An Imitation!
When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.
(Eric Hoffer)Don't Let Others Get You Down
The higher we soar the smaller we appear to those who cannot fly. (Friedrich Nietzsche)
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