Learning
to Like Yourself
(Targeting 4th to 6th Grades)
Introduction
for Teachers
Popular counselor Larry Crabb
states:
"The basic personal
need of each human being is to regard himself as a worthwhile human
being."
Yet, Psychologist James Dobson
notes:
"I have observed that
the vast majority of those between 12 and 20 years of age are bitterly
disappointed with who they are and what they represent."
The combination of these
observations is tragic. Many of our students look at themselves and see only
geeks and dweebs, thus hindering their ability to take needed risks, succeed, and feel good about
life. How can we as teachers help?
First, we must realize that their failure in the school environment doesn't mean that they're
failures. Many of the world's greatest successes did poorly in school.
Everyone can be good at something. Helping students discover, develop and be
recognized for their strengths should be a part of our constant agenda. The
Gallup organization studied over 2,000,000 people, discovering that people vary
widely in over 34 marketable areas of strength. (See Next,
Discover Your Strengths, by Buckingham and Marcus). A high emotional
IQ may trump a high academic IQ in the job market. Let's reward both.
Second, we must help all
students to realize that many of society's values are misplaced. Our
society's three ultimate "B's" - beauty, brains and brawn - are fine,
but certainly not everything. Yet, to that 5th grade boy who throws a baseball
like a girl, athletic prowess seems like everything. Through intriguing
stories and discussions, we can help that boy see that many of the most
successful people ever couldn't throw baseballs either. In fact, if they could
have thrown well, they might have never found their greater strengths.
Hints:
1 - Don't think solely in
terms of a one hour presentation. Consider using a different story each day
for a week, to reinforce the lesson. Try to help students find some of their
strengths, and encourage them for it.
2 - Use personal stories. If
you share times that you felt worthless, you give hope to
students who may be feeling worthless. Tell them about your weaknesses as well
as your strengths. Students respect you for your strengths, but often love you
for your weaknesses. They make you human.
Other Resources:
Need to tweak this lesson for
your students? Find other stories, activities and discussions under the traits Self Respect,
Self Reliance,
and Self
Confidence.
Preparation:
Look over the "Skit: Peer Pressure Parade" (See below).
You'll need two umbrellas as props, some music to play in the background, and
about 5 minutes of preparation with the actors and narrator during recess.
The Lesson
Part I -
Identifying Sources of Inferiority: Put Downs and Peer Pressure
Game:
Do you like your neighbor?
I've seen groups really get into this one! Arrange chairs in a circle. One person stands in the middle ("It"), who points to a person at random and says, "Do you love your neighbor?"
If the person answers "Yes!", then everyone has to go to a different chair. "It" finds an open chair. Whoever is left standing becomes "It" in the middle.
If the person says "No," then "It" asks, "Why not?"
The person responds with some characteristic of that person, for example, "Because she's blonde," or "Because she's a girl," or, "Because he wears glasses," or "Because he's wearing blue jeans."
After the response, only those who fall into that category (wears glasses, etc.) have to exchange seats. Again, the one left becomes "It."
Debriefing and
Discussion: How Cuts Make Us Feel Bad About Ourselves
In this game, we
said some pretty silly put-downs, like "I don't like my neighbor because
he's wearing white socks." Although this was just a game, don't people
sometimes judge us on things that are just as silly? What are some of those
ways? (Teacher, you may want to get their creative juices started by sharing
some ways that people have judged you in the past, thus making you feel badly
about yourself.)
How do you feel
about yourself when others put you down? Often, we just laugh these put-downs
off, but on the inside we begin thinking that we're really stupid. This lesson is
about learning to find our strengths and feel good about them, rather than
taking put-downs too seriously and feeling bad.
Skit:
Peer Pressure Parade
But cuts are only one reason we put ourselves down. Another reason is
comparing ourselves to others. We have some students who have prepared a skit on
this topic. Let's welcome the skit
team! (Applause)
Purpose
To show students how silly it looks to just try to copy others' expectations
rather than be our own person.
Setting
Outside the school at the bus stop.
Skit
(Put some frivolous/lighthearted music in the background to make this more
entertaining.)
Scene I
Two students
walk toward each
other, one with her umbrella up and the other with her umbrella folded by her
side.
Each politely says “Hi!” as they pass.
Immediately upon passing one another, each look to the sky briefly to view the
weather, then, without looking back, the one with the umbrella closed opens it
and puts it over her head. Simultaneously, the one with the umbrella open closes
hers and puts it by her side.
Scene II
Two
jock-looking guys walk towards one another. One has his shirttail out and the
other in.
As they pass, they say “Hey Man” (or your localized, cool equivalent) and
slap a high five.
Immediately after passing one another, each glances around to make sure
nobody’s watching. The one with his shirttail out tucks it in and the one with
it in pulls it out.
Scene III
Narrator
(Teacher or student who is a good reader):
“Wait a minute!” (The actors pause) "What just happened? Let’s see that again!"
Characters go backwards in fast motion, doing everything they did in reverse, until at the first of their
walks. (This should bring some laughs!)
As we see them go through the routine a second time, the narrator says:
“As crazy as this seems, I suppose we’re seeing the incredible power of peer
pressure. It’s fine to be aware of styles and what others are doing; but
ultimately, isn’t it our choice as
to how we want to dress and what we want to do. If we always try to imitate
others, we become what high schoolers call “Posers” (pronounced “pozers”):
those who act like or pose as others rather than themselves.
The
cool thing is that we don't have to be like everyone else. Some of the most
successful people in the world didn't fit in when they were in school. Sometimes
they didn't even try. All of us have strengths that are just waiting to be
found. Over time, you'll discover your own coolness. Don't be an imitation;
be an original.
Interesting
People Stories, With Discussions
(Hints: You
might look over other "Intercom Insights" on this topic to choose
other stories most suitable to your students. Perhaps keep chairs in a circle,
or have students sit on the floor - whatever makes the setting more conducive to
listening to stories and discussing.)
So, let's not feel
bad about ourselves because of the put downs of others or the pressure of
"what everybody else is doing." Sit back and let me tell you a few
stories of what some famous people were like back when they were in school. You
might be surprised! It encourages me to know that they struggled just like me,
yet became very successful once they discovered their strengths. If they turned out okay
in life, then maybe I can too!
Why Michael Jordan Took Cooking Classes
How many of you have heard of Michael Jordan? What is he famous for? (One of the
best basketball players of all time; the most famous athlete of his time.) Have
any of you seen him play? Don't you think he must have been terribly cool when
he was in school?
Actually, he wasn't
so cool in school. Ever feel that you'll never make it in life because you're so
geeky? When Michael was in high school he felt so unpopular with the girls that he thought he might never be able to find a wife. That's why he took a cooking class. He thought he might never have anyone to cook for him.
Many of us understand exactly how Michael felt. Because others sometimes see us as
losers, we often feel that we'll never amount to anything. Sometimes it helps us to see that many famous people felt geeky in their school days. This week, let's try to resist viewing ourselves as we think other students view us. Rather, let's realize that all of us have great potential and worth. (Written by Steve Miller, © Copyright Aug/Sept, 1998, All Rights Reserved; Source: Sports Illustrated, Kids Edition, Aug/Sept, 1998.)
Discussion Questions:
1. How in the world could a person as talented and handsome as Michael Jordan feel that no girl would ever fall in love with him?!? (Our perceptions of ourselves are often way off base. The way
people look at us during our school years is often not how people will look at
us after graduation.)
2. How would you have treated Michael if you'd been his age, going to his high school?
3. Knowing that people's talents often don't blossom until after high school, how should we treat our fellow students?
4. How can understanding Michael's feelings of inadequacy during his high school years help us in dealing with our feelings of inadequacy?
The Revenge
of the Nerd
Little Bill was a classic geek.
He was small for his age and skinny, spoke with a high-pitched, squeaky, nasal
voice, wore his shirts buttoned to the top and his pants hiked way up above his
waste. One of his 7th grade schoolmates would later call him a ''prototype
nerd''. In high school, students enjoyed bumping him while passing in the hall
and generally giving him a hard time. But no matter what he looked like to
others, he charted his own course and did pretty well.
His name is Gates, Bill Gates. Does anybody know who he is? (He leads MicroSoft,
the leader in computer software, who makes the programs that run most of our
computers, like MicroSoft Windows, MicroSoft Word, etc.) Today he's the
wealthiest man in America, with billions of dollars. I'll be he's glad he didn't
give up when everyone thought he was a geek! And I'll bet that those students
who put him down wished that they had been nice to him and that he was still
their friend!
Don't ever give up just because your peers don't accept you or because it seems that nobody else understands your dreams. (Written by Steve Miller. Source: Stephen Manes and Paul Andrews,
Gates: How Microsoft's Mogul Reinvented An Industry - And Made Himself The Richest Man in America, Simon & Schuster, New York, 1994, p. 16, 24, 34)
Discussion Questions
1. How do you think Bill Gates felt when
people put him down in school?
2. Why do you think students put down other students who are different?
3. How can understanding Bill Gates help us to not put ourselves down so much?
Albert Doesn't Fit In
Imagine that as a child, you began talking later than
other children. You are viewed as a freak by your classmates because of your
lack of interest in sports. Your teachers consider you dull because you
are poor at memorizing facts. One teacher tells you in exasperation that you
won't amount to anything, are wasting everyone's time, and should drop out of
school immediately. Would you be tempted to give up on school and sink into
depression? I hope not, because these were the experiences of Albert Einstein
during his school years. He became one of the most respected and famous
scientists who ever lived.
This week, let's remember that we're all still in process.
Most of us know very little about what we're really good at. If life looks
pretty grim to you this week or even this year, don't give up! Remember that
Einstein's success wasn't evident during his school years. And neither is most
of your future success visible to you now. (Facts from Albert Einstein: A
Life, by Denis Brian, 1996, John Wiley and Sons, Inc. Written by Steve
Miller, © 2002 - All Rights Reserved)
Discussion Questions:
1) How could Einstein's genius go unrecognized by his
teachers and classmates? (He was poor at certain subjects. His ability to
remember facts wasn't good. Rather, he was better at thinking deeply.)
2) Why is it wrong to assume that people of great intelligence will
necessarily make the best grades? (Some are brilliant, but can't organize
themselves well enough to do well with homework. Others are great thinkers or
creative geniuses, but can't memorize well.)
3) Why is it wrong to judge people by their lack of success during their
school years?
4) How can understanding Einstein's failures keep us from getting discouraged
by our own failures?
Conclusion:
What are the big points we're trying to
make today? (Let them share some details, then put it succinctly for them.) Many
of us don't think very highly of ourselves. We think we're not very smart, not
very good looking, not very athletic, not very popular. If you think that way,
welcome to the crowd. Most of us think that way at some point in our lives. So
don't get discouraged. You don't have to be like anyone else. You've got
strengths that you might not discover for years. Just be YOU. Someday, like a
flower, you'll blossom.
Assignment:
Think through the day, both at home and
at school, of some things you're good at. Write them down. Perhaps you're good
with animals, at reading, at taking care of a little brother, at understanding
people's problems, at being patient, at coming up with creative ideas, at
drawing, at playing an instrument, at a sport, at throwing a Frisbee. The more
you discover and reflect on your strengths, the better you can feel about
yourself. Tomorrow, we'll let people read their lists.
Optional
Object Lesson: What Are You Worth?
Hold up a $20 bill and ask, ''Who would like this $20 bill?''
Now, wad up the bill and ask again: ''Who still wants it?''
''What if I do this?'' Drop it on the ground and grind it into the floor with
your shoe, making it crumpled and dirty.
''Now who still wants it?''
Interesting, isn't it? What point do you think I'm trying to make? I think
this is a valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it,
not because of what it looks like, but because of what it's worth. As long as
I don't destroy it, I can crumple it and get it dirty as much as I want, but
it will still be worth how much? ($20).
Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt.
Maybe you can't afford the clothes you want or you aren't good at the sports
you attempt. Maybe people make fun of you at lunch and recess. But it doesn't
mean you're worth any less. The real you is worth millions. It's just that on
the outside people don't always see it. You are special - don't ever forget it!