Learning to Like Yourself
(Targeting 4th to 6th Grades)

Introduction for Teachers 

Popular counselor Larry Crabb states:  

"The basic personal need of each human being is to regard himself as a worthwhile human being."

Yet, Psychologist James Dobson notes:

"I have observed that the vast majority of those between 12 and 20 years of age are bitterly disappointed with who they are and what they represent."

The combination of these observations is tragic. Many of our students look at themselves and see only geeks and dweebs, thus hindering their ability to take needed risks, succeed, and feel good about life. How can we as teachers help?

First, we must realize that their failure in the school environment doesn't mean that they're failures. Many of the world's greatest successes did poorly in school.  Everyone can be good at something. Helping students discover, develop and be recognized for their strengths should be a part of our constant agenda. The Gallup organization studied over 2,000,000 people, discovering that people vary widely in over 34 marketable areas of strength. (See Next, Discover Your Strengths, by Buckingham and Marcus).  A high emotional IQ may trump a high academic IQ in the job market. Let's reward both.

Second, we must help all students to realize that many of society's values are misplaced. Our society's three ultimate "B's" - beauty, brains and brawn - are fine, but certainly not everything. Yet, to that 5th grade boy who throws a baseball like a girl, athletic prowess seems like everything. Through intriguing stories and discussions, we can help that boy see that many of the most successful people ever couldn't throw baseballs either. In fact, if they could have thrown well, they might have never found their greater strengths. 

Hints: 

1 - Don't think solely in terms of a one hour presentation. Consider using a different story each day for a week, to reinforce the lesson. Try to help students find some of their strengths, and encourage them for it. 

2 - Use personal stories. If you share times that you felt worthless,  you give hope to students who may be feeling worthless. Tell them about your weaknesses as well as your strengths. Students respect you for your strengths, but often love you for your weaknesses. They make you human. 

Other Resources: 

Need to tweak this lesson for your students? Find other stories, activities and discussions under the traits Self Respect, Self Reliance, and Self Confidence. 

Preparation: Look over the "Skit: Peer Pressure Parade" (See below). You'll need two umbrellas as props, some music to play in the background, and about 5 minutes of preparation with the actors and narrator during recess. 

The Lesson

Part I - Identifying Sources of Inferiority: Put Downs and Peer Pressure

Game: Do you like your neighbor?

I've seen groups really get into this one! Arrange chairs in a circle. One person stands in the middle ("It"), who points to a person at random and says, "Do you love your neighbor?" 

If the person answers "Yes!", then everyone has to go to a different chair. "It" finds an open chair. Whoever is left standing becomes "It" in the middle. 

If the person says "No," then "It" asks, "Why not?" 

The person responds with some characteristic of that person, for example, "Because she's blonde," or "Because she's a girl," or, "Because he wears glasses," or "Because he's wearing blue jeans." 

After the response, only those who fall into that category (wears glasses, etc.) have to exchange seats. Again, the one left becomes "It."

Debriefing and Discussion: How Cuts Make Us Feel Bad About Ourselves

In this game, we said some pretty silly put-downs, like "I don't like my neighbor because he's wearing white socks." Although this was just a game, don't people sometimes judge us on things that are just as silly? What are some of those ways? (Teacher, you may want to get their creative juices started by sharing some ways that people have judged you in the past, thus making you feel badly about yourself.)

How do you feel about yourself when others put you down? Often, we just laugh these put-downs off, but on the inside we begin thinking that we're really stupid. This lesson is about learning to find our strengths and feel good about them, rather than taking put-downs too seriously and feeling bad.

Skit: Peer Pressure Parade But cuts are only one reason we put ourselves down. Another reason is comparing ourselves to others. We have some students who have prepared a skit on this topic. Let's welcome the skit team! (Applause)

  Purpose

To show students how silly it looks to just try to copy others' expectations rather than be our own person.

  Setting

  Outside the school at the bus stop.

  Skit

  (Put some frivolous/lighthearted music in the background to make this more entertaining.)

  Scene I

Two students walk toward each other, one with her umbrella up and the other with her umbrella folded by her side.

Each politely says “Hi!” as they pass.

Immediately upon passing one another, each look to the sky briefly to view the weather, then, without looking back, the one with the umbrella closed opens it and puts it over her head. Simultaneously, the one with the umbrella open closes hers and puts it by her side.

Scene II

Two jock-looking guys walk towards one another. One has his shirttail out and the other in.

As they pass, they say “Hey Man” (or your localized, cool equivalent) and slap a high five.

Immediately after passing one another, each glances around to make sure nobody’s watching. The one with his shirttail out tucks it in and the one with it in pulls it out.

Scene III

Narrator (Teacher or student who is a good reader): “Wait a minute!” (The actors pause) "What just happened? Let’s see that again!"

Characters go backwards in fast motion, doing everything they did in reverse, until at the first of their walks. (This should bring some laughs!)

As we see them go through the routine a second time, the narrator says:

“As crazy as this seems, I suppose we’re seeing the incredible power of peer pressure. It’s fine to be aware of styles and what others are doing; but ultimately, isn’t it our choice as to how we want to dress and what we want to do. If we always try to imitate others, we become what high schoolers call “Posers” (pronounced “pozers”): those who act like or pose as others rather than themselves. 

The cool thing is that we don't have to be like everyone else. Some of the most successful people in the world didn't fit in when they were in school. Sometimes they didn't even try. All of us have strengths that are just waiting to be found. Over time, you'll discover your own coolness. Don't be an imitation; be an original. 

Interesting People Stories, With Discussions

(Hints: You might look over other "Intercom Insights" on this topic to choose other stories most suitable to your students. Perhaps keep chairs in a circle, or have students sit on the floor - whatever makes the setting more conducive to listening to stories and discussing.)

So, let's not feel bad about ourselves because of the put downs of others or the pressure of "what everybody else is doing." Sit back and let me tell you a few stories of what some famous people were like back when they were in school. You might be surprised! It encourages me to know that they struggled just like me, yet became very successful once they discovered their strengths. If they turned out okay in life, then maybe I can too!

Why Michael Jordan Took Cooking Classes

How many of you have heard of Michael Jordan? What is he famous for? (One of the best basketball players of all time; the most famous athlete of his time.) Have any of you seen him play? Don't you think he must have been terribly cool when he was in school?

Actually, he wasn't so cool in school. Ever feel that you'll never make it in life because you're so geeky? When Michael was in high school he felt so unpopular with the girls that he thought he might never be able to find a wife. That's why he took a cooking class. He thought he might never have anyone to cook for him. 

Many of us understand exactly how Michael felt. Because others sometimes see us as losers, we often feel that we'll never amount to anything. Sometimes it helps us to see that many famous people felt geeky in their school days. This week, let's try to resist viewing ourselves as we think other students view us. Rather, let's realize that all of us have great potential and worth. (Written by Steve Miller, © Copyright Aug/Sept, 1998, All Rights Reserved; Source: Sports Illustrated, Kids Edition, Aug/Sept, 1998.)

Discussion Questions:

1. How in the world could a person as talented and handsome as Michael Jordan feel that no girl would ever fall in love with him?!? (Our perceptions of ourselves are often way off base. The way people look at us during our school years is often not how people will look at us after graduation.)
2. How would you have treated Michael if you'd been his age, going to his high school? 
3. Knowing that people's talents often don't blossom until after high school, how should we treat our fellow students?
4. How can understanding Michael's feelings of inadequacy during his high school years help us in dealing with our feelings of inadequacy?

The Revenge of the Nerd

Little Bill was a classic geek. He was small for his age and skinny, spoke with a high-pitched, squeaky, nasal voice, wore his shirts buttoned to the top and his pants hiked way up above his waste. One of his 7th grade schoolmates would later call him a ''prototype nerd''. In high school, students enjoyed bumping him while passing in the hall and generally giving him a hard time. But no matter what he looked like to others, he charted his own course and did pretty well.

His name is Gates, Bill Gates. Does anybody know who he is? (He leads MicroSoft, the leader in computer software, who makes the programs that run most of our computers, like MicroSoft Windows, MicroSoft Word, etc.) Today he's the wealthiest man in America, with billions of dollars. I'll be he's glad he didn't give up when everyone thought he was a geek! And I'll bet that those students who put him down wished that they had been nice to him and that he was still their friend! 

Don't ever give up just because your peers don't accept you or because it seems that nobody else understands your dreams. (Written by Steve Miller. Source: Stephen Manes and Paul Andrews, Gates: How Microsoft's Mogul Reinvented An Industry - And Made Himself The Richest Man in America, Simon & Schuster, New York, 1994, p. 16, 24, 34)

Discussion Questions

1. How do you think Bill Gates felt when people put him down in school?
2. Why do you think students put down other students who are different?
3. How can understanding Bill Gates help us to not put ourselves down so much?

Albert Doesn't Fit In

Imagine that as a child, you began talking later than other children. You are viewed as a freak by your classmates because of your lack of interest in sports.  Your teachers consider you dull because you are poor at memorizing facts. One teacher tells you in exasperation that you won't amount to anything, are wasting everyone's time, and should drop out of school immediately. Would you be tempted to give up on school and sink into depression? I hope not, because these were the experiences of Albert Einstein during his school years. He became one of the most respected and famous scientists who ever lived.

This week, let's remember that we're all still in process. Most of us know very little about what we're really good at. If life looks pretty grim to you this week or even this year, don't give up! Remember that Einstein's success wasn't evident during his school years. And neither is most of your future success visible to you now. (Facts from Albert Einstein: A Life, by Denis Brian, 1996, John Wiley and Sons, Inc. Written by Steve Miller,  © 2002 - All Rights Reserved)

Discussion Questions:

1) How could Einstein's genius go unrecognized by his teachers and classmates? (He was poor at certain subjects. His ability to remember facts wasn't good. Rather, he was better at thinking deeply.)
2) Why is it wrong to assume that people of great intelligence will necessarily make the best grades? (Some are brilliant, but can't organize themselves well enough to do well with homework. Others are great thinkers or creative geniuses, but can't memorize well.)
3) Why is it wrong to judge people by their lack of success during their school years?
4) How can understanding Einstein's failures keep us from getting discouraged by our own failures?

Conclusion: 

What are the big points we're trying to make today? (Let them share some details, then put it succinctly for them.) Many of us don't think very highly of ourselves. We think we're not very smart, not very good looking, not very athletic, not very popular. If you think that way, welcome to the crowd. Most of us think that way at some point in our lives. So don't get discouraged. You don't have to be like anyone else. You've got strengths that you might not discover for years. Just be YOU. Someday, like a flower, you'll blossom.

Assignment: 

Think through the day, both at home and at school, of some things you're good at. Write them down. Perhaps you're good with animals, at reading, at taking care of a little brother, at understanding people's problems, at being patient, at coming up with creative ideas, at drawing, at playing an instrument, at a sport, at throwing a Frisbee. The more you discover and reflect on your strengths, the better you can feel about yourself. Tomorrow, we'll let people read their lists. 

Optional Object Lesson: What Are You Worth? 

Hold up a $20 bill and ask, ''Who would like this $20 bill?''

Now, wad up the bill and ask again:  ''Who still wants it?'' 

''What if I do this?'' Drop it on the ground and grind it into the floor with your shoe, making it crumpled and dirty.

''Now who still wants it?'' 

Interesting, isn't it? What point do you think I'm trying to make? I think this is a valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it, not because of what it looks like, but because of what it's worth. As long as I don't destroy it, I can crumple it and get it dirty as much as I want, but it will still be worth how much? ($20). 

Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt. Maybe you can't afford the clothes you want or you aren't good at the sports you attempt. Maybe people make fun of you at lunch and recess. But it doesn't mean you're worth any less. The real you is worth millions. It's just that on the outside people don't always see it. You are special - don't ever forget it!