Sex, Lies, and the Truth 
(Dating, Waiting and Choosing a Mate, Part 3)

(For overhead outline of this lesson, click HERE.)

Purpose: To help students see the dangers of premarital sex and to resolve to save sex for marriage. 

Approach: We're trying to follow the authoritative Centers for Disease Control's recommendations, including that schools urge students to "Abstain from sexual intercourse until they are ready to establish a mutually monogamous relationship within the context of marriage." (From the CDC's "Guidelines for Effective School Health Education to Prevent the Spread of AIDS".) 

Teaching Hints: Since there's so much content involved in this lesson and the next, I'd use the provided overhead sheets or turn them into Powerpoint slides to expand learning beyond the audio to the visual. Also, the Centers for Disease Control has some helpful slides that they allow you to use free of charge. One such page is currently at: http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/graphics/adolesnt.htm 

Introduction

Illustration: Thousands of students packed out an auditorium to hear a popular rock band.  After the concert, respected speaker stood up to challenge students to reserve sex for marriage. But before he could finish, a local university student jumped onto the stage, wanting to address the audience. The surprised speaker cautiously allowed the student to share this tragic story. While in college, he had gotten involved with a  fraternity. At a party, his fraternity brothers set him up with a wild girl to have sex. I believe it was his first time. But soon he began to experience some physical problems. He visited a doctor and found, to his horror, that he had acquired Herpes Simplex II, an incurable venereal disease. He began to sob as he said that one day he would meet that person who was right for him, and he would have to tell her of this disease, which could effect her as well if they married. 

It was just a casual, one-time encounter, but the consequences will last a lifetime. As we will see shortly, his story is not rare. Over the next few weeks we'll discuss how to get the most out of sex over a lifetime, while avoiding the regrets that ruin a lot of people's lives. We'll talk about what we know about sex from a scientific perspective. Some of you will want to turn this off, but I urge you to think it through with an open mind. It could save you a lifetime of regrets. And in the age of AIDS, it could save your life.

I. Sex Can Be Great!

Discussion: Why do you think some people view sex as something negative or dirty? 

Illustration: Contrary to some people's opinion, sex is not evil or dirty. One university student said that he was having a hard time seeing sex as something pure, because he had exposed his mind to so much pornography growing up. In a class this size, some of you may have been the victim of rape or gotten into pornography so much that you see sex as only something negative or dirty. I want to encourage you that you can overcome those experiences and see it as something both beautiful and fun.   

II. The Best Sex is Experienced in a Good Marriage. 

I'm not just giving an opinion here. A lot of studies have been done on sex over the decades. Scientists have discovered that the best, most satisfying sex, happens in a relationship between one man and one woman, committed exclusively to one another for life. We call it marriage. According to a major scientific study of sexual behavior among Americans, 

"The people who reported being the most physically pleased and emotionally satisfied [with sex] were the married couples." (1)

They discovered that:

"The young single people who flit from partner to partner and seem to be having a sex life that is satisfying beyond most people's dreams are, it seems, mostly a media creation."(2) 

As we go further in these lessons, you'll find multiple reasons why this is the case. 

Illustration: If you think about it, everything in life has its ideal sphere of use. For example, I love to play tennis. (Teacher, you may want to choose a sport that you enjoy.) But I don't feel cheated when I limit my playing to tennis courts. Whenever I play in the living room I destroy things and my wife gets mad. Whenever I play on the Interstate I end up in the hospital.

I have the most fun with tennis playing on a tennis court. As tennis is most satisfying when limited to a tennis court, so sex is most satisfying when limited to marriage. 

"But why," you may ask? "What's the big deal about a consenting guy and girl having sex before marriage? A lot of people began to ask those questions in the 1960's. Many began to question the value of marriage. They suspected that limiting sex to marriage was keeping everyone from a lot of legitimate fun. People began thinking outside of the box, asking questions like, 

• "Why have marriage at all?" 
• "Why not have multiple sexual partners?"
• "Why not live in a commune and have sex freely within the group?"

So, beginning with the hippie movement and then moving into the mainstream, people began to experiment with different lifestyles. It's come to be called "The Sexual Revolution." If you had grown up in the 60's, you might have had all these sexual choices laid out before you, without much scientific evidence as to which lifestyle would be the most fulfilling over the long-haul. Today, we can make decisions based upon several decades of studies that have been done on these various lifestyles to see what works best both relationally and physically. 

We're not going to tell you what choices you have to make. Those are your choices. We just want to make sure you know the facts before making your choices. 

III. Reasons to Delay Sex. 

Activity! Divide into groups of 5 or 6 (preferably separating boys from girls). Appoint a secretary to record your ideas. Imagine your younger sister, a seventh-grader is considering having sex with her boyfriend. You think she's making a big mistake, but are afraid that she'll turn you off if you just tell her to say no. Instead, you say, "Here's a good way to make decisions. Let's make a list of reasons, both pro and con, for having sex before marriage." As a group, make up a list, dividing between pro and con. 

(After you hear the discussion subsiding, ask each secretary to read the results to the entire group and write each idea on the blackboard, under the appropriate pro or con category.)

During this session and the next, we'll look at a few of these reasons in more depth. 

Reason #1: Because Sex Makes Babies.

Remember that statement and you will go far in life. 

    Fact: "Nearly 900,000 adolescents under the age of 19 become pregnant." (CDC stat in 2004)

But some may say, "No problem, haven't you heard of "the pill?" Sure, "the pill" gives the best protection of any contraceptive against pregnancy, but what does it not do? [It does nothing to protect you from Sexually Transmitted Diseases (S.T.D's.)]. That's why you hear so much about protecting yourself with condoms these days. But what is the downfall of condoms? (Although they're better than no protection at all, they have a pretty high failure rate in protecting against pregnancy and also don't provide 100% protection against S.T.D's.) 

Illustration: Twenty years ago authorities rushed in to solve the teenage pregnancy crises by training students in how to use birth control. But after 20 years of such programs our newly enlightened unmarried teenagers are getting pregnant at a rate two times what it was previously!(3)  And you'd think that after getting pregnant once that students would have it figured out for sure. Yet, six out of ten of those pregnant teens will get pregnant again within two years. 

Illustration: Birth control methods can lower the odds of pregnancy, but none are 100% accurate. This is confirmed to me quite regularly as I hear stories of accidental pregnancies from "experts" on contraception, those who have been married and practicing contraception for some years.

The bottom line from these studies is this: The only way to be absolutely sure to avoid premarital pregnancy is to save sex for marriage. 

Reason #2. Because Multiple Partners Risk Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STD's).

Let's take a closer look at this serious consequence. Many people thought that the sexual revolution of the 60's would free us from "outdated morals" to experience love more fully. Thirty years later we can begin measuring the toll of the "free sex" experiment. 

• Even prior to AIDS, some authorities were calling STD's the worst disease epidemic in our society. 
• The gonorrhea rate for teenage girls increased 400% (think: four times as much) from 1965 to 1987. (4) 
• The Center for Disease Control estimates that one out of every 4 adults in America now has an STD! (5)
• Every year 3 million teens--about 1 in 4 sexually active teens-get a Sexually Transmitted Disease (STD). (6)
• Some STD's, such as Herpes Simplex II and AIDS, have no cure.
•  "An estimated 850,000–950,000 persons in the United States are living with HIV (the virus that causes AIDS.) Of these, 180,000–280,000 do not know they are infected...." Now that's pretty scary. "Of those who test positive at CDC-funded public testing sites, 31% do not return for their results." (7) And it's not just a male or homosexual problem.  Of young people aged 13 to 24 who have AIDS, more than half didn't get it through homosexual sex. (8)  

Illustration: Some think that using condoms will solve the problem. But condoms don't offer 100% protection. The HIV virus is 1/25 the size of a sperm and can penetrate even the smallest gaps that exist in all condoms. That is why when 800 sexologists were asked to raise their hands if they would trust a thin rubber sheath to protect them during intercourse with a known HIV infected person, not one raised his or her hand. (8)  Other STD's, such as Herpes, can also spread even when a condom is used. (See "Herpes" brochure, American Social Health Association)

So, the best way to avoid STD's is to avoid sex till marriage. If you decide to go ahead and have sex, the Centers for Disease Control recommends at least using a condom. Although they have a pretty high failure rate, some protection is much better than no protection.  

According to the Centers For Disease Control, one of our most authoritative sources for the latest, most scientifically documented information on STD's, the best way to avoid STD's is to delay sexual involvement.  

Conclusion

If you had been a teen growing up in the 60's, you couldn't have foreseen all the misery that would be caused by free sex (sex outside marriage). Now we know a lot of facts. Think about what we've said and we'll continue this discussion in the next session.   

1) Robert T. Michael, John H. Gagnon, Edward O. Laumann, and Gina Kolata, Sex in America: A Definitive Survey, (LIttle, Brown and Co., Boston and New York), p. 124.
2) Ibid., p. 131.
3) From the Booklet, How to Help Your Kids Say "No" to Sex, from Focus on the Family.
4) Why Wait: What You Need to Know About the Teen Sexuality Crises, by Josh McDowell and Dick Day, p. 25.
5) STD Brochure, American Social Health Association.
6) The American Health Organization, http://www.iwannaknow.org/ , citing AGI, Sex and America's Teenagers, New York: AGI, 1994, pp. 19-20.
7) Centers for Disease Control "Quick Facts," 2004.
8) "Young People at Risk," from the CDC, http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/pubs/facts/youth.htm .
9) "In Defense of a Little Virginity," Focus on the Family.

2004 STD Prevention recommendations by CDC include:

• "Programs should involve youth in programs as focus group leaders and peer educators. This requires the training of youth and an on-going effort on the part of the program." http://www.cdc.gov/std/program/special/2-PGspecial.htm#adolescents
• "Research has clearly shown that the most effective programs are comprehensive ones that include a focus on delaying sexual behavior and provide information on how sexually active young people can protect themselves." (Young People At Risk http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/pubs/facts/youth.htm )

Copyright September, 2004, by Steve Miller and Legacy Educational Resources. All Rights Reserved.