Showing Respect
Targeting 4th-6th Grades
Purpose: By the end of
this lesson, I want my students to be motivated to respect others, and to know
some practical ways to show respect.
Teacher Hints: Respect
seems to be at an all time low in America. We freely ridicule our authorities
and mercilessly cut down those around us. A couple of thoughts on turning the
tide: First, respect is better caught than taught. The way we talk about fellow teachers, administrators and students will show our students what we
believe about respect. If you're not so good at it yourself, why not admit it to
your students and say that you need this lesson as much as they do. After all,
we're all in this character building process together! Invite them to let you
know when they don't think you're being respectful. This both demonstrates a
respect for your students and your commitment to grow in respect. Second,
make respect... well...respectable! To most in our generation, this trait
seems useless at best and wimpy at worst. We've got to make a case for
respect. I think we can do it through helping students 1 - understand their own need
for respect and 2 - discover they can impact lives through showing respect.
That's what this lesson is all about. Good
luck!
Preparation: Hand out
the lines (with their
parts highlighted) to the actors (Todd, Ben and Paul) and actress (Kara, who must be
blonde) at least two days in advance. They can read the parts in
their performance as long
as they have practiced well enough to come across natural. On the day prior to the
performance, they should go through the entire skit with the teacher, perhaps
during recess?
Related Resources: To
tweak this lesson for your class, you may wish to choose alternative
illustrations, stories and activities under these related topics: Respect for
Others, Generosity/Service, Kindness, Empathy, Courtesy/Civility, Gratitude, Acceptance,
Forgiveness.
Introduction
In this lesson, we'll talk about respecting others.
Discussion: How
would you define respect? (Let them discuss and put some of their better ideas
on the board.) For the purpose of this class, let's define it as
"Showing Regard for Someone's
Worth."
Most of us don't think much about the need to show
respect; but perhaps this session will cause us to consider it a little more
deeply. Let's reflect on respect in two parts; first, "The Agony of
Disrespect," and second, "The Power of Respect."
Part One
The Agony of
Disrespect
Skit
on Respect
Purpose
of Skit
To
help students understand that verbal cuts can hurt people, even when they act
like it doesn’t bother them.
Setting
Four
students, only one of whom is blonde, are eating at a lunch table.
Dialogue
Kara
(Blonde) (Spills her drink and stands up suddenly, to avoid getting wet):
"Shoot!" (Make sure to use local lingo - "Oh no!," etc.)
Embarrassingly:
"That was a smooth move!"
Todd:
"Be careful guys! In case you didn't notice, we've got a blonde
among us."
Kara:
(Sitting back down.) "I may be blonde, but I can predict the future. (Closing
her eyes in deep thought.) Let's see, I feel the blonde jokes starting up
again."
Ben:
(Laughing) "I think anybody could have predicted that!"
Paul:
"Hey, did you hear about the blonde who wrote the initials TGIF on the top
of her shoes?"
Ben:
"Why did she do that?"
Paul:
"To remind her that TGIF - Toes Go In First"
All
Laugh (Including Kara, who acts like she's having fun too.)
Paul:
"Do you know how to make a blonde laugh on Friday?"
Kara:
"No. How do you make a blonde laugh on Friday?"
Paul:
"Tell her a joke on Monday!"
Kara:
"Takes her that long to get the punch line…"
Todd:
"But not all blondes are dumb…some are into Science."
Ben:
"Really? You mean, like inventors?"
Todd:
"Right! Have you heard of some of the latest inventions by blondes?"
Ben:
"Like the screen door for a submarine!"
Kara:
"Or the water proof towel!"
Todd
(To Ben and Paul): We'd better get to P.E.!
Paul:
"Later Kara!"
Kara:
"Later guys!"
(As
the guys walk away, distracting the audience, Kara bends down and secretly puts
a dab of water beneath her eye, making a tear.)
Kara
dials a number on her cell, while looking around to
make sure nobody is close enough to hear): "Hey mom."
(Pause) "Okay." "Hey, could you pick me up some hair color
on the way home?" (Pause.) "It doesn't really matter what color, just as long as it's not
blonde."
She puts her head down on the table.
Ask
the audience to applaud out of respect for the actors.
Narrator
(Teacher):
Sometimes we don’t realize how much our words can hurt others. Let's talk
about it.
Discussion
1
– Why do you think Kara got upset?
2 – Do you think the boys meant to be mean to Kara?
3 – Why didn’t Kara let them know that the blonde jokes hurt her?
4 – What do students and teachers say and do
that hurt people?
What hurts you the most? Why? (Write these on the board. Make sure they cover
such actions as bullying, "bumping" in the hall, cutting remarks,
laughing at people, etc. Keep prying to get to the feeling level. Most
students don't realize how much their actions often hurt other people. Once
they understand, they're more motivated to stop these practices.)
5 - How can we stop the disrespect we see in our classrooms, lunch rooms, and
the playground?
People
Story #1: Drew Barrymore
(Hint:
Consider re-seating the students, either on the floor or with seats in a
semi-circle, for more effective story-telling and discussion. Either read it
yourself, or have very effective student readers prepared to read.)
How
many of you know Drew Barrymore? Recently, she played in the Charlie's
Angel's movies. I want to tell you something about her childhood. Her acting success began by appearing on TV before her first birthday, then again at ages 2 and 4. She hit stardom at age 7 playing the little girl in Spielberg's smash hit, "E.T." At 7 years, she was the youngest person to ever host
Saturday Night Live.
You'd think she was living every child's dream. She had talent. She was famous. But inside, the little star was hurting.
Like a lot of us, she let the put downs of others, both at school and at home, make her see herself as worthless.
Her home life wasn't very stable. When she botched up an in-class assignment, her teacher called her stupid and said she would never amount to anything. Like most of us, she acted like it didn't bother her. But in her own words,"
"I wanted to crawl inside myself and die. But there was no escape. I vowed not to show any emotion though. I sat there, stone-faced, crying on the inside and completely humiliated.''
The words of the insensitive teacher were reinforced by a group of cruel students who delighted in tormenting her. They hit her with books and called her names like pig, fatso, or saying her nose looked like Porky Pig's.
She countered by trying like everything to fit in. One day she got some surfer shorts with a spaceman design that she thought everyone would like. Instead, they burst out laughing when she walked into class, calling her a ''cosmic cow.''
Rather than realizing that she was important and could make something of her life, she believed their cutting words. In her own words,
''I just took their cutting remarks until, eventually, I let them completely undermine everything I knew to be true.''
She ended up ''feeling like the lowliest, homeliest, and dumbest creature at the place.''
Let's reflect for a minute on what happened to Drew's picture of herself. Although she had a gift for acting and achieved fame by age 7, she believed people's cutting remarks to the point that she felt totally worthless. With the people around her as her only mirror to see herself, she felt dumb and ugly. Was her impression right?
(Let them respond.) Not at all.
Think about it this way: this little girl who saw herself as a worthless failure, a ''cosmic cow,'' ''pig'' and ''fatso'' would later be chosen by
People Magazine as one of the 50 most beautiful people in the world. The girl
whom the teacher called ''stupid'' and ''headed for failure'' would be paid $26 million to star in the movies ''Ever After'' and both ''Charlies' Angels'' movies.
What can we learn from Drew? Here are some thoughts:
First, don't believe people's put-downs. The way other people cut you down may
have nothing to do with the way you really are. Some of the most successful people in the world were put down mercilessly during their school years.
Second, don't ever put students or teachers down, even if they seem to laugh
along with you. Puts downs hurt.
(Written by Steve Miller, Copyright May 6, 2002. Sources: Drew Barrymore with Todd Gold,
Little Girl Lost, Pocket Books: New York, 1990, pp. 5,6,10, 99,124, http://us.imdb.com/Bio?Barrymore,+Drew
)
For Discussion:
1. Why do we put others' down?
2. What could motivate us to stop?
3. Do you think most people are really hurt by put downs, even if they act like they're not? Why or why not?
4. Why don't they tell people if it hurts?
5. What are some ways you see people putting others down at school or in your neighborhoods?
6. How did Drew allow the putdowns to make her feel like a hopeless failure?
7. How can we keep from letting putdown's ruin our self-esteem, making us feel like worthless failures?
Summary:
Once
we reflect on how disrespect hurts us, we know how bad it feels. So, we're less likely to treat others with
disrespect. Next time you think of putting someone down, reflect on how it feels
when someone puts you down.
* * * * * * * *
The
first steps toward showing respect is to understand how disrespect hurts and stop dishing out disrespect.
* * * * * * * *
Part
2
The Power of Respect
The
first step toward showing respect is negative - what not to do. The
second step is positive; and let me tell you, it can seriously change the lives
of those around us. Many of
us want to do more than simply drift through life like a dead fish drifting down
stream. We
don't want to just be followers, we want to be leaders. We don't just want to make a living; we want to make a difference. We like the feeling that
we made a positive difference in someone's life.
One
of the easiest ways to make a life impact is through THE POWER OF
ENCOURAGEMENT. Here's how a big brother made an impact on his little
brother with an act of kindness.
People
Story #2: Tony Gets a Skateboard
When a guy became interested in surfing, he lost interest in skateboarding. But rather than put his skateboard away in storage, he was thoughtful enough to pass it on to his little brother Tony, and showed him how to ride it. Who could have imagined the impact of that one act of kindness. That little brother would become one of the most creative and innovative forces in skateboarding, Tony Hawk.
So when we're thinking about impacting our world, let's not forget the seeming little people, like a little brother or sister, or that kid in our neighborhood who's always wanting to play basketball with us, or that classmate everyone rejects as a nerd. One may become the next Tony Hawk or Michael Jordan or Thomas Edison. Everyone is of great worth. This week, let's treat them that way.
(© Copyright 2002 Steve Miller - All Rights Reserved)
Discussion Questions
1) How did Tony Hawk get his first skateboard?
2) How might Tony's life been different had his big brother been selfish about his board or had failed to teach Tony how to ride it?
3) Who are some people who look up to you, perhaps younger than you, who you could impact with a little kindness?
4) Can you plan on taking some time out to speak to some of the younger people in your path, showing them a little kindness along the way?
Part
3
How to Show Respect
Step #1 - Get to know people.
"A simple friend opens a conversation with a full news bulletin on his life. A real friend says, What's new with you?"
(Source Unknown)
Often, people are disrespectful because they
don't really know the person. If all you know about a person is that he's
Hispanic or dresses different or is poor or rich, you really don't know much
about him. The more you get to know a person, the more you find that you have in
common.
Game: What Do We Have In
Common?
Supplies: Paper and pencils, prize for winning team (bubble gum or suckers?)
Purpose: To help students realize all that they have in common with their
classmates.
Divide into groups of three or four people. It should not be their closest group of friends. Each team appoints a secretary, who needs a sheet of paper and pencil. Their challenge is to come up with a list of items that they all have in common. The team with the longest list wins. Items that virtually every student has in common (wears clothes, eats food, has a navel, etc.) won't count. Items that count include
common interests (for example, enjoying the same band or style, likes to swim)
family (for example, both have a brother), etc.
Give them only about three minutes, so that they have to work quickly. Giving a one minute warning and thirty second warning will add to the excitement.
When time is up, find out which team has the longest list and ask each team to
read the similarities they listed.
Discussion
* Why is it important to find what we have in common with others? (We feel
closer and label people less. We feel more compassion.)
* What were some surprises as to what or how much you had in common with someone?
* What hinders us from getting to know other people better?
* How can we in daily life begin to find commonalities among those we come across?
2 - Ask Them Regularly About
Their Interests
I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him.
(Galileo Galilei)
Discussion: Imagine
that your friend says to you, "The more I try to make friends, the more I
turn people off. How can I make more friends?" What would you advise him or
her?
Here's one thing you could suggest. According to
one of the most popular books ever on relationships, one of the greatest keys to
making friends is to become interested in other people - taking an interest in
the things they are interested in. Here's how the author puts it:
* * * * * * * *
"You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you."
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People)
* * * *
* * * *
Each time you see that person, find out a little
more about their interests and ask what they've been enjoying lately.
3 - Compliment Them
''Everyone has an invisible sign hanging from their neck saying, 'Make me feel important.' Never forget this message when working with people.''
(Super-successful business woman Mary Kay)
Discussion: Share
a time when someone either encouraged or discouraged you. Tell us how you felt.
(Teacher, if you can be the first to share, you might get the ball rolling.)
Homework: Some
people sit around waiting someone to make a mistake, so that they can laugh at
them and cut them down for it. Not many people like that kind of person. Others
watch for people to do something right, so that they can compliment them for it.
People love to hang around that type of person.
Today and this week, rather than catching people
doing something wrong, try to catch people doing something right, then
complement them for it. If they run well during recess, say, "You're a
really good runner." If they read out loud well, tell them, "You're a
really good reader." If your teacher works hard at teaching, say,
"Thanks for working so hard to teach us."
I'll be giving a prize at the end of the week to the person I hear about
who's giving the most and best compliments.
Follow-up #1: Do some type of get to know you
activity a couple of times over the next two weeks, reminding the students of
the need to get to know each other better, and how this shows respect. (Click
"Crowdbreakers" on the top menu in the members' area to find many
entertaining "get to know you" activities.)
Follow-up #2: Try this only after the class has
had a chance, over a couple of weeks, of getting to know each other through
encouragement and crowd breakers. The last thing you want is for a student to get in the “hot seat”
who nobody
knows well enough to say anything good about!
The Encouragement Hot Seat
Hal Urban, in his book, Life’s Greatest Lessons or 20 Things I Want My Kids to
Know, mentions an activity he does with his classes, which he considers “one of the most effective teaching techniques I’ve ever used.” Here’s how it goes:
Each student takes her turn in the “hot seat,” with all the other students seated in a semicircle facing her. First, she tells the class “what’s good about me,” what she likes about herself. Although this isn’t easy for most people, Urban notes that it’s important for students to “acknowledge their positive characteristics and habits.”
Second, the rest of the students tell her what they like about her. Oh, and there’s one rule: no comments about looks or clothing.