Cursing and Foul Language

For many students, foul language has become a so pervasive as to become a non-issue. Because of the proliferation of foul language on TV and video games, it's commonly perceived as cool and grown-up to curse; wimpy and unassertive to not curse. Because of this, we must think carefully about how to address this issue, lest we come across as out-of-touch wimps, losing what respect we have, and inadvertently making matters worse.

I'd suggest that we're not likely to win over many teens to the argument that "it's always wrong for anyone to ever curse in any context." However, an argument we can easily win is that "it pays to choose appropriate language in different social contexts." We can also establish that the purposes of an educational system are best served by curtailing foul speech.

This lesson will attempt to avoid pitting us (teachers and administrators) against them (students.) (Isn't it likely that they've heard teachers and parents curse?) Rather, we'll explore together what's most appropriate for the academic setting and let the students help set the guidelines. I believe that students will be shocked to discover how many fellow students are offended by cursing at school. Since a primary motivation to curse is to impress fellow students, a primary demotivator may very well be to discover how many students are not impressed.

In the end, I think we'll find that collaborative problem-solving and democratic decision-making can be very effective with teens!

On personal input: Think of times when your choice of words helped you in a personal or professional relationship. Think of times when your choice of words hurt you. Think of how other's words have either helped or hurt you. Sharing your personal experiences and feelings can fill a canned lesson with meaning and impact.

Follow-Up Lessons: Consider in the weeks and months to add some of the below supplemental ideas. These will be good reminders.

This week we want to address something that's become a problem in the school: cursing and foul language. Visitors from the community, parents and anyone visiting our campus can hear it, and some are offended. We need community leaders and parents to partner with our school with their time and money. But they may not help us if they're turned off by our school atmosphere.

Our approach is going to be different than you might think. Rather than just tell everybody to stop using foul language and threaten with consequences, we'd like to get your input as a student body. We want to know what you think of the situation and get your input on how to resolve it.

To discover what everyone honestly thinks about these issues, we've put together a survey. It's completely anonymous - don't sign your name. And please, we need your honest, thoughtful feedback. Just circle "true" or "false" and write any comments at the end. Nobody will know what you said.

Many people today seem to think of politeness and courtesy as wimpy, social niceties that nobody really cares about any more. But B.C. Forbes, the super-successful Scottish journalist who founded Forbes magazine, believes otherwise. He once said this about politeness - listen carefully (you may want to write this on the board):

As Clarence Thomas said, "Good manners will open doors that the best education cannot." Go ahead, make straight "A's" and rise to the top of your sport or interest. If we come across rude to others, the best businesses won't hire us and those who work around us will hope for our failure.

1) Do you agree with these quotes? Why or why not?
2) What are some ways that people at school act rude? (Put them on the board.)
3) What rude things bother you most? (Circle them.)
4) What do you think Clarence Thomas meant when he said, "Good manners will open doors that the best education cannot."?
5) If good manners are so important in the workplace should we take them seriously at school as well?

(After they discuss, make sure they understand that school is preparation for the workplace. As such, it's a good place to practice good manners. Also, good manners can lead to better opportunities at school. Example #1: So you want to get into a certain school club. But there's only room for so many members. Your foul language bothers the teacher/advisor. So you don't get invited. Example #2: The coaches are selecting captains for their teams. They want someone who will not embarrass them in front of parents. They don't choose the one who curses so much.)

Let's think about this a little more deeply. Respond to this statement (put it on the board):

1) It's not legal to use words that harm others. Example: You could be jailed or fined for yelling "Fire" in a crowded building, risking injury to those trying to escape.

2) Words are powerful: You've heard the saying: "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words...(complete it for me) can never harm me." Do you agree? Do words really harm people?

The point? Words are powerful. We need to be careful how we use them. Someone may laugh along when you refer to them as a moron, but those words can cut deep wounds that take a long time to heal.

This is deeper than most people think, but we've got to grasp this if we want to have good friendships and get anywhere in life. What we mean is often very different from what others hear.

Let's imagine that Sean comes from a home where his parents and siblings cut each other down continually, but it's all in fun. They really love each other. But they're always joking with each other about how they're losers, ugly, dumb, etc. And they use a lot of choice curse words as well.

But now let's imagine that Sean goes to school and talks the same way to his classmates. Do you think all of them take his words the same way as his family? Why or why not?

Example: Some college students who regularly cut each other down talked about it one day. What they discovered startled them. Although in public they just laughed about their verbal cuts, in private they took it more seriously. It actually hurt them, even though it was all meant to be fun. They decided that they wouldn't cut each other down any more.

My point? Listen carefully. When you use your words to curse and cut others down, many people may laugh on the outside but be offended on the inside. I think our survey results show that this is happening around here.

In this survey, many students and faculty say they are offended by people's language. (If the statistics are dramatic, tell the students the specifics.) You may say, "I've never seen anyone get offended at the way I talk."

But that's why we did the survey. Most students and faculty aren't going to stand up and say, "That hurts me." Instead, most will just play along acting like they're cool about it. But the survey helps us to discover what people are actually thinking behind their accepting smiles.

The point is this: when some of us use rude or crude language, a lot of your fellow students don't like it. It's embarrassing and offensive to them. Listen guys, a lot of people in the survey said they wouldn't want to date someone who used such language. Do you really want to limit your dating possibilities? And do you really want to turn off potential friends who might stop inviting your over because of your language?

So we've got a problem here at school. We hear cursing everywhere - in the halls, in the gym, in class. And I'm sure it's not just students. But we know many students, faculty and school visitors are offended. That means that people's language is hurting our purpose, which is to get an education in a comfortable environment.

What can we do to make things better? (Get their ideas and write them down. Tell them that their ideas will be considered by the faculty in formulating a policy.)

This week, let's remember that our words are powerful. And let's help each other to tame our tongues so that we don't hurt those around us. If you have ideas on how to help with this problem, let us know.

Alternate and Supplemental Activities and Discussions
(Could be used now or in future weeks to reinforce the lesson)

(It's hard for us to understand that others often perceive our language differently than we do. This discussion might help.)

As a professional writer, I know that different words are appropriate for different audiences. Once I wanted to use the word "sucks" but knew that it was controversial. So I consulted a respected journalism site. Here's what I discovered:

1) How should this discussion impact the use of the word "sucks"? (It may be appropriate around our friends, but inappropriate among older people. Don't use it interviewing for a job!)
2) What does this discussion tell us about our use of any words? (We must understand how others understand our words and not just how we understand them. Words that are fine among family and friends may be offensive to others.)

Alternate #2. Another Discussion on "How Others Perceive Our Words"

Years ago, I heard that when the foreign vacuum cleaner company Electrolux was formulating an advertising campaign for the United States, they decided upon the slogan "Electrolux Sucks." Apparently, they had looked up the meaning at the time and thought that

What they apparently didn't know was the derogatory meaning that "sucks" had acquired in recent history. The campaign had to be dropped.

1 - What does this tell us about the meaning of words? (They can change and be perceived differently by different people.)
2 - What should this tell us about the words we use? (What wouldn't offend us might offend others.)

This activity is fun, gets kids involved and moving, and can introduce the topic of abusive language.

Arrange chairs in a circle. One person stands in the middle ("It"), who points to a person at random and says, "Do you love your neighbor?"

If the person answers "Yes!", then everyone has to go to a different chair. "It" finds an open chair. Whoever is left standing becomes "It" in the middle.

The person responds with some characteristic of that several would share, such as, "Because she's blonde," or "Because she's a girl," or, "Because he wears glasses," or "Because he's wearing blue jeans."

After the response, only those who fall into that category (wears glasses, etc.) have to exchange seats. The one left becomes "It," and the game continues.

Of course, this was just a game. But in real life people often choose who they dislike by many of these same characteristics, don't they? They may cut people by calling a blonde a "dumb blonde" or a football player a "dumb jock" or a person with glasses "four-eyes." Often we're just kidding. But sometimes it hurts. Let's think a little more deeply today about the power of our words.

1 - Why do you think these major religions would take certain verbal expressions so seriously? (They think it's important to show respect for both God and people. Our words can show disrespect for both.)
2 - How do you think serious members of these religions might feel if we use words that disrespect their God or other people?

1) From The Sayings of the Buddha in Forty-Two Sections, compiled by
Kasyapa Matanga and Gobharana
2) Matthew 5:22, New International Version.
3) Exodus 20:7, New American Standard Version.

In a 2002 survey of over 2000 adults in America, 8 in 10 said a lack of respect and courtesy was a serious problem.

''Americans say that disrespect, lack of consideration and rudeness are serious, pervasive problems that affect them on a personal, gut level.''

''Americans say they are witnessing a deterioration of courtesy and respectfulness that has become a daily assault on their sensibilities and the quality of their lives.''

Let your students come up with a "Code of Respect" for your class. I recall one teacher doing something like this at the beginning of each semester with his classes.

First, ask your students to share ways that parents, teachers or fellow students show disrespect to them. If you don't get enough response, ask them to complete the sentence, "I really hate it when people...". List these on the board.

Second, sum up by saying, "What you're saying is that these are the ways that show disrespect to you. You don't want to be treated this way."

Third, suggest, "If these are the ways you don't want to be treated, then perhaps we can make these into sort of a "Code of Respect" for our class. If this is the way we don't want to be treated, then we shouldn't treat others this way. Right?"

Fourth, with the help of the class, write these ideas in the form:

Code of Respect

1. I will listen (not interrupt or ignore) when my teacher or others have the floor.

2. I won't roll my eyes or laugh when others give wrong answers.

3. Etc.

Fifth, ask the class what should be the consequences, for a first, second and third offense if each of these is violated.

(I'm often amazed that students come up with harsher consequences than me!)

Outcome: The result is that students see this code as something they've come up with democratically, rather than something imposed upon them by the administration. When students violate the code, rather than saying, "I don't allow that in my class," you can point out that "Your fellow students agreed that what you're doing shows disrespect. Please refrain from doing that." It's no longer you (the teacher) against them (the students)! It's the entire class against disrespectful behavior!