Discussion Questions:

1) What happened in Archie Manning's life that could have caused him to become bitter?
2) How do you think resisting bitterness made life better for both him and those he loved?
3) What are some specific ways that he avoided becoming bitter?
4) How do you think gratefulness helped him to become a better person.
5) What circumstances in our own lives could cause us to become bitter?
6) What are some specific ways we could fight bitterness?

Not Happy Unless They're Miserable

When legendary guitarist Carlos Santana chose the songs for his recent (1999-2000) best-selling album, he purposely tried to run positive, encouraging themes through the album. Why? In a recent interview, Santana says that lots of students have a ''victim mentality.'' They wake up each morning believing that life stinks and everyone's out to get them. He then hits the interviewer with a paradoxical statement:

''As you know, most people are not happy unless they're miserable.'' 

I suppose that Santana has been around teens who think it's uncool to be positive, cheerful and thankful. Instead, they appear to be miserable, constantly complain about their circumstances, and seem to prefer life that way.

Lots of us go through times like that. I'm certainly not suggesting that we mask our pain with a fake smile. But sometimes we get in such a grumpy rut that we can't see the good around us. 

This week, no matter how bad things get, let's look for something to be thankful about. If we're alert, maybe we'll catch somebody doing something right. Then we can thank them for it. Among the people you hang around, it may not be the coolest thing to do. But who knows, sometimes gratefulness can be contagious.   

 (© Copyright 2002 Steve Miller - All Rights Reserved. Source: ''Exploring the Supernatural,'' by Rich Maloof, The Musician's Planet Magazine, Spring, 2000, p. 22)

Discussion Questions

1) What was the name of Santana's first album? (Offer some candy for a reward to get them involved.) Santana's first album was called..."Santana." You should have been more awake.
2) What do you think Carlos Santana meant when he said, "As you know, most people are not happy unless they're miserable.''?
3) Is it uncool to be grateful? Why?
4) Even if you don't express it all the time, what are some of the benefits to developing a grateful attitude?
5) How could we work this week on becoming more grateful?

When Comparison Helps...and When it Hurts

Somebody said, 

"I complained about having no shoes until I met someone who had no feet."

Interesting thought. Whether we think of ourselves as rich or poor depends on who we are comparing ourselves to. If you're the poorest person in this school, but moved next to a slum of Calcutta, India, you'd be considered extremely wealthy by your neighbors. If you're an upper-middle-class American who lives in an upper class neighborhood, you may compare Christmas toys and think of yourself as poor. 

If we think about this for a minute we'll discover a powerful mental trick to learn contentment: simply stop comparing yourself with those that you think are "above" you. Instead, compare yourself with those who have far less and be thankful for what you have. 

As Robert Orben said,

Next time you feel like complaining, remember that your garbage disposal probably eats better than 30 percent of the people in the world. (Robert Orben)

And besides, if we really knew the lives of those we envy, we might choose our problems over theirs in a heartbeat. 

This week, let's catch ourselves when we're envying others and say to ourselves, "It's so great to have food. It's so great to have feet." It can be the first step to a more contented life. 

Discussion Questions

1) What do you think the person meant when he said, "I complained about having no shoes until I met someone who had no feet."?
2) Why do you think we tend to compare ourselves with those who have more than us?
3) What are some things we have that we forget to be thankful for? 
4) How might our lives be different if we trained ourselves to be thankful for all the good things we have? 

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A Quick Way to Improve Family Living

Would you like your family life to be more tolerable, even happy? A study of 3,000 strong families from various parts of the world identified six primary characteristics that contributed to their high level of satisfaction. In other words, they discovered some things that strong families do that make family life more fun. One of the six characteristics was: 

Appreciation:  Expressing gratitude, paying sincere compliments, and giving praise. These were the ways that members of strong families built each other up. 

I'm not saying that expressing gratitude is a cure-all, but it just might make an intolerable family tolerable and a good family great. Why not try it this week?

Catch your parent or stepparent doing something right and then thank them for it. Whether they vacuum the floor, wash the dishes, do the shopping or pay for the food, thank them for it. If they immediately go into shock and pass out on the floor, assume that you've probably not been expressing your gratitude enough. 

And hey, I just wonder...if expressing gratitude does that much for families, what might it do for a school? Let's try a little of it this week!

Discussion Questions

1) Why do you think expressing appreciation is important to strong families?
2) How does it make you feel when someone thanks you for things?
3) Why do you think most people don't express appreciation?
4) What are some ways we can express appreciation? (An e-mail, snail-mail, short note, card, verbal complement)
5) Who are some people that we could share our appreciation with this week?

Activities, Clips and Games

Divide the class in half and get a volunteer from each group to come up to the chalk-board. Tell the groups that they have four minutes to come up with as many things as possible that they're thankful for. Members of the team can either shout out ideas to their writer, or, if they're afraid the other team will steal their ideas, they can give ideas to messengers to take up to the board. 

After 4 minutes, call time and see which team had the most legitimate ideas. The losers serve donuts to the winners. 

Debriefing: Look at all the things we came up with that we have to be thankful for. When we list the things going wrong, doesn't it pale next to all the things we have going for us? How do you think it might change our attitudes and lives if we were to rehearse in our minds throughout each day the things that are going right, rather than the things that are going wrong? (Let them respond.)

The Complaint Fast

Hal Urban, in his book, Life’s Greatest Lessons or 20 Things I Want My Kids to Know, led his students in an activity that had such power that he made it a part of his class for eighteen years. It shows students the truth in philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer’s statement:

“We seldom think of what we have but always of what we lack.”

Part I: A Complaint Fast

First, he asks his students to try to go twenty-four hours without complaining. If they fail, they should note on a piece of paper how many times they complain or are tempted to complain.

 Part II: Debriefing

Next class period, he asks students to guess how many students succeeded in not complaining even once. (They usually predict between six and twelve, in a class of thirty).  Yet, for eighteen years, the result has always been zero!

In the ensuing conversation, Urban asks two questions:

Question #1 – “What was the purpose of the assignment?”

Question #2 – “What did you learn from trying it?”

Students invariably conclude that they complain too much and the things they complain about are generally trivial.

Part III: Written Reflections

Immediately following the discussion, Urban gives each student a paper with the words, “I’m thankful for…” across the top and three columns below, labeled “Things” (for material things), “People”, and “Other” (“freedom, opportunity, friendship, love, intelligence, abilities, health, talents, peace, faith, God,” etc.) For about 20 minutes, students try to fill each column.

Part IV: Practicing Thankfulness

Dr. Urban next challenges his students to read their lists at four times during the next 24 hours: “after lunch, before dinner, before going to sleep, and the next morning before going to school or work.”

Part V: Final Debriefing

“...Till I Met Someone With No Feet” (Drama written for 5th-6th grades)

Purpose : To learn contentment by being thankful for what we have.

Setting: Students coming into class from P.E., before their teacher arrives.

  Drama

Tara (to Darin, seated in front of her): “I CANNOT BELIEVE that my parents won’t buy me some decent tennis shoes. It’s SOOO embarrassing to run in K-Mart specials when everyone else has $100.00 name brands.”

Darin: “They’re not so bad, really. Ask Jade.”

Tara (suddenly realizing that Jade, in a wheelchair without feet [make this illusion by tucking her feet under the wheelchair, with a cloth over them, and a bandaged stub hanging from each knee, which appear to be the end of each leg] was overhearing the conversation.): “Sorry Jade. I’m sure that my whining sounds pretty silly to you. Here I am, complaining that I have no shoes, and you have no feet. Yet, you seem happy. How do you handle it?”

Jade: “After my accident, I got bitter. But then I went for rehab at the hospital, and met a guy who was paralyzed from the neck down. His head was all he could move. But strangely, he was just glad to be alive, and enjoyed painting pictures with his brush held between his teeth like this (she puts her pencil in her mouth and tries to draw on a paper). I realized that I was pretty lucky to be able to use my arms.”

Tara: (Thoughtfully) “I guess we’ve got it made. When I start to complain about what I don’t have, I’m gonna stop and be thankful for what I do have. (Looking down at her shoes) These shoes aren’t so bad after all.”

Narrator

“Someone once said that he complained about having no shoes, until he met someone with no feet. Most of us focus on those who have more than us and we get jealous. Others have learned to focus on those with less, and be grateful for what they’ve got. Today, when we start to get down or complain, let’s realize that someone’s always got it worse. We’ve got a lot to be thankful for.”

Discussion Questions

1)     Why was Tara upset?

2)     What was wrong with Jade?

3)     What happened to Jade that taught her to be thankful?

4)     What did Tara learn from Jade?

5)   What can we do today to complain less and be more thankful.

Defining Gratitude

David Stendl-Rast defines gratitude as: "An attitude we can freely choose in order to create a better life for ourselves and for others."

The Need for Gratitude

It Doesn't Come Naturally

''A very interesting phenomenon in children is that gratitude or thankfulness comes relatively late in their young lives. They almost have to be taught it; if not, they are apt to grow up thinking that the world owes them a living.'' (Bishop Fulton J. Sheen)

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Don't be a Fool

''Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain -- and most fools do.''

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It Builds Strong Families

A study of 3,000 strong families from various parts of the world identified six primary characteristics that contributed to their high level of satisfaction in both husband-wife and parent-child relationships. Notice that #4 involves expressing gratitude. 

1. COMMITMENT: In successful families the members loyally support one another. The foundation for this high degree of commitment is the husband and wife seeing marriage as a lifelong relationship ''for better or for worse.''

2. TIME TOGETHER: Strong families spend a lot of hours together. Judging by the happy memories people have of their growing up years, these family times need not be expensive or elaborate in order to have a positive impact..

3. COMMUNICATION: Good listening skills and the willingness to openly express thoughts and feelings to each other are typical of strong families. This doesn't happen automatically. Families have to work at communicating effectively.

4. APPRECIATION: Expressing gratitude, paying sincere compliments, and giving praise are ways that members of strong families build each other up.

5. PROBLEM SOLVING: Strong families are not immune to crises, but they deliberately determine that they will work together as a team to overcome them. Members help each other through times of stress rather than letting the problems drive them apart.

6. SPIRITUALITY: Even secular research points to the fact that strong families almost always exhibit a high level of religious commitment. Such families often express the idea that God has a purpose for their lives and they rely on Him as a source of strength. This characteristic is the foundation for the other positive qualities in families. Families that are strong spiritually translate this commitment into love for each other, time spent together, and effectiveness in communicating.

(Source: The 9/'92 edition of Current Thoughts and Trends)

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It Pays Off

In the late nineteenth century, a member of parliament went to Scotland to make a speech. On his way, his carriage became stuck in the mud. A Scottish farm boy came to the rescue with a team of horses that pulled the carriage loose. Awed by the great man, the boy would accept nothing in return for helping him out. The grateful statesman asked, ''Is there nothing you want to be when you grow up?''

The boy said, ''I want to be a doctor.''

The man said, ''Well, let me help.''

True to his word, the Englishman helped make it possible for the Scottish boy to attend the university to graduate as a doctor. A little more than a half century later, on another continent, another world statesman lay dangerously ill with pneumonia. Winston Churchill had been stricken while attending a wartime conference. But a wonder drug was given to him – a new drug called penicillin, which had been discovered by Alexander Fleming, Fleming was the young Scottish lad, and the man who had helped sponsor his education was Randolph Churchill, Winston's father. 

A gift of gratefulness saved his son's life.

(Speaker's Library of Business Stories, Griffith, Joe, Prentice-Hall, Inc., Copyright 1990.)

Because Ingratitude Stinks

Gratitude is the least of the virtues, but ingratitude is the
worst of vices. (Thomas Fuller)

Because Gratitude is Powerful

One can never speak enough of the virtues, the dangers, the power of shared laughter. (Francoise Sagan)

It Brings Happiness

"There is a calmness to a life lived in gratitude, a quiet joy." (Ralph Blum)

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Keys to a Happier Life
Scientific Studies Find Sources of Happiness

Help Others (Bringing happiness to others makes us happy)
Attitude Check (Count your blessings and be grateful)
Pursue Quality Relationships (With family and friends)
Pardon Those Who Wrong You (Don’t hold grudges)
Immerse Yourself in Something (Work and/or play)
Envy Not (Stop trying to keep up with the Joneses)
Religion Helps

Sources: Marilyn Elias, Psychologists Now Know What Makes People Happy, USA Today, 2/10/02; also Time Magazine, January 17, ’05; acrostic developed by Steve Miller and Legacy Educational Resources.

It's the Greatest of Virtues

"Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others."

It's Foolish Not to be Thankful

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain – and most fools do.

Give Thanks for a Little

Give thanks for a little and you will find a lot. (The Nigerian Hausa)

Deal With Your Pride

A proud man is seldom a grateful man, for he never thinks he gets as much as he deserves. (Henry Ward Beecher)

Compare Yourself With Those Who Have Less

Next time you feel like complaining, remember that your garbage disposal probably eats better than 30 percent of the people in the world. (Robert Orben)

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I complained about not having shoes until I met someone who had no feet.

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If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep ... you are richer than 75% of this world.

If you woke up this morning with more health than illness ... you are more blessed than the million who will not survive this week.

If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation... you are ahead of 500 million people in the world.

If you can attend a church meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, torture, or death ... you are more blessed than three billion people in the world.

If your parents are still alive and still married ...you are very rare, even in the United States.

If you hold up your head with a smile on your face and are truly thankful... you are blessed because the majority can, but most do not.

If you can hold someone's hand, hug them or even touch them on the shoulder... you are blessed because you can offer healing touch.

If you can read this message, you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world that cannot read at all.

Count Your Blessings!

(Came to me over the internet. Haven't checked the stats for accuracy.)

Count the Blessings You Have

The more we count the blessings we have, the less we crave the luxuries we haven't. (William A. Ward)

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You can either complain that rose bushes have thorns - or rejoice that thorn bushes have roses.

Appreciate the Small Things

Happiness consists more in small conveniences or pleasures that occur every day, than in great pieces of good fortune that happen but seldom to a man in the course of his life. (Benjamin Franklin)

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Be Grateful Even For Problems

''I am grateful for all my problems. After each one was overcome, I become stronger and more able to meet those that were still to come. I grew in all my difficulties.'' (J.C. Penney)

Be Aware That Your Background Affects Your View of Life

Bill Bailey experienced a horrific childhood. He was abused and abandoned by his real father, then beaten and sexually abused by his stepfather. He felt rejected by his mom. To make matters worse, his hypocritical parents claimed to be very religious. He later adopted the stage name ''Axl Rose,'' and became famous in the band ''Guns N' Roses.'' It's no surprise to me that his lyrics so often reflect hate and rebellion. How do you think his background affected his lyrics? How do you think his background influenced his view of the world and especially his authorities. (Sources: http://www.angelfire.com/ut/urumea/rob.html)

Some of you can relate to Axl's background. And like him, you have a dark view of the world and assume that God is just another authority who wants to let you down and abuse you. How can we keep our own bad past experiences from making us into sour, unappreciative people?

Buck the Tide of Cynicism

When legendary guitarist Carlos Santana chose the songs for his recent (1999-2000) best-selling album, he purposely tried to run positive, encouraging themes through the album. Why? Listen carefully. In a recent interview, Santana says that lots of students have a ''victim mentality.'' They wake up each morning believing that life stinks and everyone's out to get them. He then hits the interviewer with a paradoxical statement:

''As you know, most people are not happy unless they're miserable.'' (''Exploring the Supernatural,'' by Rich Maloof, The Musician's Planet Magazine, Spring, 2000, p. 22)

What do you think Santana meant by that statement? (Let them discuss. Many musicians and students think it's uncool to be positive, happy and thankful. Instead, they are miserable, constantly complain about their circumstances, and seem to prefer life that way.) © Copyright 2002 Steve Miller - All Rights Reserved