Wealthy, But Miserable

Howard Hughes was one of the wealthiest men of his time. Yet, his self-centeredness kept him from getting close to people. He was more interested in money and the gadgets that made money for him. Although he could travel anywhere and have almost anything imaginable, he lived a lonely, isolated, joyless life. His associates despised him. In his later years, those few who saw him reported that his beard grew out to his waist and his hair to the middle of his back. His untrimmed toenails resembled corkscrews.

With so much wealth available to him, why was he so miserable? I'd suggest that all his life he lived life upside down. Instead of using things and loving people, he loved things and used people. That approach to life is a sure way to misery. This week, let's not fall into the same trap that Howard Hughes did - thinking that money and things would bring him happiness. The path to happiness is paved with caring relationships and is available to all of us, rich or poor. Why not start today by doing or saying something nice to someone. It's a habit that just might change your life. (Written by Steve Miller, Copyright January, 2002. Source: The Friendship Factor, by Alan Loy McGinnis, Augsburg Publishing House, 1979, pp. 20,21)

Discussion Questions

1. How do you think Howard Hughes could be one of the richest men alive, yet still be miserable?
2. Why do most people seem to think that more money will guarantee them happiness?
3. How does generosity and kindness result in the happiness of the giver?
4. What is something we could do this week to show generosity to a fellow student or family member?

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Franklin Changes His Life

Some of us simply justify the way we are, refusing to deal with our personality quirks. But Benjamin Franklin took his quirks seriously, helping him to become one of the most loved people of his time. His Autobiography was a best seller both nationally and internationally. But in his early years, he had to work out some personality issues. In fact, he was so obnoxious that an old Quaker friend took him aside and frankly told him, 

''Ben, you are impossible. Your opinions have a slap in them for everyone who differs with you. They have become so expensive nobody cares for them. Your friends find they enjoy themselves better when you are not around. You know so much that no man can tell you anything. Indeed, no man is going to try, for the effort would lead only to discomfort and hard work. So you are not likely ever to know any more than you do now, which is very little.''

That's a pretty tough rebuke! People get hit for cutting a person that deeply! A lesser person than Franklin would have justified his behavior and thought to himself, ''What does that old Quaker know about anything?'' Instead, Franklin took it to heart, recognized his shortcomings and changed the way he related to people, transforming himself into one of the most likeable people of his age

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If You Were the Pilot...

Many of us see the problems around us, but choose to hide from them rather than become a part of the solution. We're sort of like the little boy who was asked a question on a television show: 

''Let's say that you are a commercial airline pilot flying to Hawaii, with 250 passengers in the back, and your engines quit. What would you do in a situation like that, if you were the pilot?'' 

The boy thought for a moment that then offered his solution: ''I'd put up the fasten-seat-belt sign on and then parachute!'' (© Copyright 2002 Steve Miller - All Rights Reserved)

Isn't that what most people seem to do when they see needs around them? They tell everyone to "hang in there," as they walk away thinking, "that's their problem, not mine. What difference could I make anyway."

But someone thought a little more deeply and had a change of heart. He said, "I wondered why somebody didn't do something; then I realized that I was somebody." (Source not found) 

We can make a difference.  It doesn't have to be big or time consuming, since small things done with great love can change the world. We can do it today, even if we have no money, a low Intelligence Quotient and a low Popularity Quotient. It's simple. Just notice a need - find a person who seems lonely, a student  who's struggling with an assignment, a teacher who seems frustrated. Then, say an encouraging word or offer to help. It's that simple. 

Discussion Questions

1) What do you think are some of the greatest needs at your home and school?
2) How does it feel when you meet someone's need and make a real impact on his or her life?
3) How could you make a difference in someone's life this week?

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How to Catch a Monkey

Hint! This story might be more effective if you actually bought a coconut, cut a hole in it, and placed some large nuts in it. Make the hole just big enough for students to get their hand into it, but not big enough for them to pull it out with the candy in their hand. After the story, let them put their hand in, grab the nuts, and try to get their hand back out with the nuts.  

Imagine that you live in a country where monkeys live out in the jungle behind your house. Now imagine that you wanted to catch one alive, to keep as a pet. But monkeys are quick and can quickly climb out of our reach. How would you catch a monkey? (Get their responses.)

Here’s how one person learned to catch monkeys:

First, he’d find a coconut, cut a hole in it, and put in it some delicious nuts that monkeys love. Next, he’d attach a rope to the coconut and tie it to a tree, near where the monkeys liked to hang out.

When a monkey smelled the food, the monkey would put his hand into the coconut to grab the nuts. (Demonstrate it with a student if you have a coconut.) But the hole was too small for him to pull his hand out while holding the food. (Pass it around and let the students try it.)

The man could then walk right up to the monkey and capture it.

Discussion: How could the monkey have escaped when he saw the man coming? Why do you think the monkey couldn’t get away? Why wouldn’t the monkey just let go of the nuts so that he could slip his hand out and escape?

The monkey got caught because he was too greedy. Do you know what “greedy” means? (I want to keep what I have, without giving it away or sharing it.) He wanted to get away; but he didn’t want to get away without his food. Without letting go of his food, he couldn’t have his freedom. 

What can we learn from this monkey about being greedy? (Sometimes holding on to what is ours can get us in trouble.) Sometimes it’s hard to open up our hands and share what we have with someone else. Why is it so hard? (1 - We want to play with it ourselves. 2 – We’re afraid they might lose it or break it.)

What are some good things that might happen to those who share? (Others are more willing to share with us. We make friends.)

Today, let’s try to be less greedy and more eager to share. Let me know today when you have a chance to share something, or if you see someone sharing.

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Guitarist Steve Vai Seeks Significance Over Success

(Hint: To make this illustration more effective, play a DVD of Steve Vai playing a solo at one of his concerts, or a CD of one of his instrumental songs in the background as you tell the illustration. Seeing or hearing his guitar playing in action gives instant credibility to Vai.)

Steve Vai is one of the greatest rock guitarists of all time. The world first took notice when, as a music student at the prestigious Berkelee School of Music in Boston, he transcribed some songs of legendary rocker Frank Zappa. Vai mailed them to Zappa, along with some demos of his own playing. Zappa, a guitarist himself,  knew a virtuoso when he heard one and promptly hired him as a band member. Later Vai toured with David Lee Roth and guested on the albums of many other bands. Then his solo career took off, selling, so far, nearly 6,000,000 albums.

He’s worked with Ibenez, the great guitar company, to design guitars, one named after himself – the JEM VAI2K DNA.

His awards seem to drone on endlessly, including two Grammys, five Grammy nominations, voted six times as best rock guitarist by Guitar Player Magazine and two times voted best overall guitarist. No wonder Berkelee School of Music awarded him an honorary doctorate.

The astounding things he can do on the guitar can only be fully appreciated by other guitarists. Commenting on one of Vai’s albums in an Amazon review, a guitarist wrote, 

“Had i heard this when i started learning, i would have given up immediately and probably cried for months before committing suicide. Vai = Genius. Incredible.”

But the thing I like about Steve Vai is that he doesn’t think life’s all about him and his own success. He’s deep enough to realize that there’s more to life than developing his talents. Beyond being successful, he wants to be significant. To quote Vai:

"When I'm looking back on my life when I'm 70, I want to be proud of the contributions I've made to society, not just in terms of music, but socially too. That's what drives me these days." 

In order to help the less fortunate, he co-founded the Make a Noise Foundation to supply young, financially-struggling musicians with instruments and education. He “regularly auctions off his music gear” to make money for the organization.

Shallow people shoot only for personal “success.” Deeper people like Steve Vai long for significance by giving back to others. What could we do today to make someone’s life better?

Debriefing

1) What are some indicators that Steve Vai is an accomplished guitarist? (Hired by significant bands, sold millions of his own albums, Grammy Award, repeatedly voted best guitarist in respected guitar magazines.)

2) Why do you think Vai wants to do more than play great music?

3) What can we do today to help others who need a hand or may be less fortunate?

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The Mountaineer Who Gave Back

Sir Edmund Hillary, along with his Sherpa friend Tenzing Norgay, were the first climbers to reach the highest point on earth - the summit of Mount Everest. He became an immediate celebrity, not only in his home country of New Zealand, but around the world. His face was printed on New Zealand's $5.00 bill, a first for a living person. England knighted him. Streets, schools and organizations bear his name.  

But he doesn't consider his ascent of Everest and further daring explorations to be his main contribution to the world. In a speech to the American Himalayan Foundation, Hillary spoke of returning often to the Everest area with his younger brother Rex, building "twenty-seven schools, twelve clinics, and two airfields" so supplies could more easily reach the region. 

In Hillary's own words, "I don't know if I particularly want to be remembered for anything. I have enjoyed great satisfaction from my climb of Everest. But my most worthwhile things have been the building of schools and medical clinics. That has given me more satisfaction than a footprint on a mountain." 

Debriefing

1. What do you think it felt like to be the first to conquer Mount Everest?
2. What does Hillary say has given him more satisfaction in life?

3. What can we do this week to make a positive difference in our school, family or neighborhood?

End Notes

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The Secret Santa

Years ago, a man lost his job. Before he could find a new job, his money ran out and he had to sleep in his car for eight days. After two days of not eating, he was getting pretty hungry. So he went to a restaurant called the Dixie Diner, where he ordered a big breakfast. Of course, he had no money to pay for it, so he acted like he’d lost his wallet.

The cook, Tom Horn, who owned the restaurant, figured out that the man was having hard times, so he acted like he’d found a $20 bill and said, “Son, you must have dropped this.” He gave the poor man the money, so that he wouldn’t be embarrassed at his lack of money. (Hint: Actually take a bill, act like you found it, and act like you’re handing it to someone as you tell this part of the story. Visuals keep their attention.)

That was a pretty nice thing to do, wasn’t it? But the story doesn’t end there. Twenty-eight years later, the cook, by this time an eighty-five year old man who was taking care of his sick wife, got a knock at his door. Mr. Horn opened it to find the man he’d given the $20 to years earlier, standing there with a Santa Clause hat on. He wasn’t poor any longer. Now a successful businessman, he was grateful to the cook for helping him when he had no money.

He asked how much Mr. Horn thought the $20 might be worth today. Mr. Horn just laughed and jokingly said, “Probably $10,000.” The man in the Santa hat handed Mr. Horn $10,000 in cash.

But that’s still not the end of the story. The man in the Santa hat had so much fun giving, that he gives away around $25,000 in $100 bills around Christmastime each year. He’s called Secret Santa. After New York was attacked and the big buildings collapsed, he went to New York and handed out $100 bills to people who needed cheering up. He isn’t looking for thanks or praise. He doesn’t give out his name. It’s just fun to give. In his own words, “Isn’t it fun to lift people up and see the smiles on their faces?”

Discussion

1 - Do you think it was hard for the cook, Mr. Horn, to give away a meal to the man? What might other people have done?

2 – Do you think giving away the food made Mr. Horn feel good?
3 – How did Mr. Horn’s giving pay off years later?

4 – Why do you think “Secret Santa” gives away $100 bills, when he could keep the money and buy stuff for himself?

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Warrick Dunn Gives Back

On the football field, Atlanta Falcon running back Warrick Dunn is feared by opposing teams. He eludes defenders with electrifying quickness and speed. No wonder he's one of Atlanta's most valuable players and has played in two pro bowls. 

Off the field, Dunn uses his money and influence to redeem single moms from a life of poverty, by giving them places to live. He understands struggling families because he grew up in one. He was raised by a single mom who dreamed of owning her own home, but couldn't afford one. 

Only a few days away from Warrick's 18th birthday, his mother, a Baton Rouge police officer, was shot and killed on the job, leaving him as the sole "parent" to his six siblings. It wasn't easy by a long shot. 

All of the children were traumatized by the loss of their mother. Warrick wasn't about to let any of them fail. 

"I'd go to football practice and when the other guys went out, I went home to cook and help with homework."

Raised in a Christian home, Dunn wanted to help others achieve a dream that never came true for his mom: to own their own home. Through his foundation, Homes for the Holidays, Dunn has placed 135 kids and 57 single moms into their own homes. 

"We do the whole shebang, furniture, food, and house wares, all they bring is clothes," said Dunn.

Most would consider Warrick Dunn a success for his performance on the field. But he knows that life is more than fame and fortune: it's all about helping those who are less fortunate. 

You may not be able to give as much as Warrick Dunn, but you can give something. As Dunn says, "It only takes one."

Discussion

1. What do you think makes Warrick Dunn so successful at football?
2. What bad circumstances did he face in life?
3. Many people use life's difficulties as an excuse to get mad at the world and become selfish. Why do you think Dunn chose to help others instead?
4. How could we help others in need?

  Games, Activities and Clips

Making a Mark, or Just a Splash?

The people we often consider the movers and shakers of this world - the entertainers, sports heroes, and business successes -are often making a temporary spash that will be forgotten within a generation. Take this jar of water as an example. By shaking it vigorously (Shake it before the group, or, get a fish bowl and let a couple of people come up and splash around in it), I represent the big splash that many of today's stars, and many of our heroes, are making at the moment. But once that pretty model gets her first wrinkle, or the athlete begins to slow with age, the spotlight moves on and most are soon forgotten. (Stop shaking the jar.) Look at the water! Although we seemed to be making such a huge splash for a moment, now that the splash is over, we see that there's no evidence that we were ever even there. I'm not satisfied to make a temporary splash while I'm here. I desperately want to leave my mark, a mark that will last after I'm gone. The only way I can do that is to invest in other people. ( © Copyright 2002 Steve Miller - All Rights Reserved)

''I expect to pass through life but once. If, therefore, there is any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do to any fellow being, let me do it now, and not defer or neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again.'' (William Penn)

It Makes Us Content

''To be of service is a solid foundation for contentment in this world.'' (Charles W. Eliot)

It Makes Life More Fun

''No one, I am convinced, can be happy who lives only for himself. The joy of living comes from immersion in something that we know to be bigger, better, more enduring and worthier than we are.'' ( John Mason Brown)

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People don't get it. In every generation people believe the lie that just a little more money and just a few more things will give them the joy and peace that eludes them. They've missed the lesson learned by the contemptible Ebenezer Scrooge in Charles Dicken's classic tale, the Christmas Carol. Consumed by his greed, he lives a lonely, joyless life. People mean nothing to him.

But after three spirits reveal to him the misery he's caused others and the way others despise him, his life is forever changed. He begins to empathize with others, forgetting about himself and meeting their needs. By turning outward, he finds an incredible joy he never knew. Listen carefully to how Here's how Dickens describes the changed man:

Do you lack joy? Perhaps you need to learn from Ebenezer the joy of giving. Here's a part of the book:

He went to church, and walked about the streets, and watched the people hurrying to and fro, and patted children on the head, and questioned beggars, and looked down into the kitchens of houses, and up to the windows; and found that everything could yield him pleasure. He had never dreamed that any walk – that anything – could give him so much happiness… Some people laughed to see the alteration in him, but he let them laugh, and little heeded them… His own heart laughed, and that was quite enough for him.'' 

(Written Steve Miller, Copyright September, 2002, quotation from Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol.)

''I don't know what your destiny will be, but one thing I know, the only one among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve.'' ( Albert Schweitzer)

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Keys to a Happier Life
Scientific Studies Find Sources of Happiness

Help Others (Bringing happiness to others makes us happy)
Attitude Check (Count your blessings and be grateful)
Pursue Quality Relationships (With family and friends)
Pardon Those Who Wrong You (Don’t hold grudges)
Immerse Yourself in Something (Work and/or play)
Envy Not (Stop trying to keep up with the Joneses)
Religion Helps

Sources: Marilyn Elias, Psychologists Now Know What Makes People Happy, USA Today, 2/10/02; also Time Magazine, January 17, ’05; acrostic developed by Steve Miller and Legacy Educational Resources.

It Gives Us More Zest for Living

''Sociologists find that those who volunteer enjoy better health than those that don't.'' (Eugene C. Dorsey)

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''American Health magazine reported the findings of the University of Michigan's Research Center that says that doing regular volunteer work, more than any other activity, dramatically increased life expectancy and probably vitality.'' (Speaker's Library of Business Stories, Griffith, Joe, Prentice-Hall, Inc., Copyright 1990.)

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''A study done at the University of Michigan revealed that persons who regularly volunteer their time heighten their overall zest for living and increase their life expectancy. Studies on aging have reached a similar conclusion...Stress researchers from the University of Illinois found that persons who feel connected with other people are more calm, less tense...Giving can be disguised in many forms, from understanding to empathy, from compassion to acts of service. Whatever it takes, the core is still the same -- giving of ourselves is offering love, and love remains the only gift that multiplies when you give it away." (From Halftime p. 142, From the collection of Barry St. Clair)

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The fullness or emptiness of life will be measured by the extent to which a man feels that he has an impact on the lives of others. To be a man is to matter to someone outside of yourself, or to some calling or cause bigger than yourself.'' ( Kingman Brewster, former president, Yale University)

It Helps Us Become Successful

Business is a lot like a game of tennis – those who don't serve well end up losing. (Doc Anklam)

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''The definition of a successful life must include serving others.'' (President George Bush)

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''The trouble with a great many of us in the business world is that we are thinking hardest of all about the dollar we want to make. Now that is the wrong idea from the start. I'll tell you the man who has the idea of service in his business will never need to worry about profits. The money is bound to come. This idea of service in business is the biggest guarantee of success that any man can have.'' ( Henry Ford)

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It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no one can sincerely try to help another without helping themselves. (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

It Helps Us Change the World

Here's a quick quiz:

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America  contest.
4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer prize.
5. Name the last six Academy Award winners four Best Actor & Actress.
6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series Winners.

How did you do?
The point is, none of us remembers the headliners of yesterday.
These are not second-rate achievers.
They're the best in their fields.

But the applause dies.
Awards tarnish.
Achievements are forgotten.
Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Now here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.
6. Name a half dozen heroes whose stories have inspired you.

Easier, isn't it? So what's the lesson?

The people who make a difference in your life aren't the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards.
They're the ones who care.  (Source: Came to me over the Internet. If you know the source, please let me know.)

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The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. (Edmund Burke)

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Bad situations provide the opportunity for great deeds. (Dee H. Groberg)

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It Helps Us Make A Mark That Can't Be Erased

You'd have thought that Elvis Presley had it all. He was called ''The King'' by millions of adoring fans, had tons of money, girls, and friends to help him with every aspect of his life. But inside, he was often empty and miserable. Why? His stepbrother and closest friend, Rick Stanley, observes that Elvis ''was brought up to find his fulfillment in pleasing others. Not in serving them, but pleasing them. There is a difference. People who are motivated to please others rarely have their need to love and be loved met. Their lifelong search for that kind of fulfillment is often tragically unsuccessful.'' (Rick Stanley, Caught in a Trap: Elvis Presley's Tragic Lifelong Search for Love, Word Publishing, Dallas, 1992, p. 21)

How tragic! Remember, we're not out to please everyone, but to serve them. There's a huge difference.

''You cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they could and should do for themselves.'' (Abraham Lincoln)

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''I can impress people from a distance, but only impact them from up close.'' (Heard from Howard Hendricks)

''The service we render to others is really the rent we pay for our room on this earth.'' ( Wilfred Grenfell)

Understand How You Can Meet Specific Needs

What would you do if you had $6 million? Zell Kravinsky decided to give it away.

The forty-eight-year-old recently gave the largest donation that's ever been received from an individual by the Centers for Disease Control: $6.2 million. The money will be used to try to eliminate Chagas disease, which kills over 50,000 people each year in Central and South America.

He could have bought luxury cars and flaunted his wealth. Why did he instead give it away? According to Kravinsky, ''I'm making a choice between my kids having a car in college, and a kid in Guatemala having a life. We've discussed it with our kids, and they are 100 percent behind it.''

This makes perfect sense to a person who thinks of others more than himself.

(Written by Steve Miller. Source: Atlanta Journal Constitution, by M.A.J. McKenna, October 9, 2002, 1st page)

Give Students Power to Make Decisions About Service

One million people in Calcutta, India, have never slept under a roof. (Al Larson, with Unevangelized Fields Mission)

One day, after a big storm, a man was walking on a beach. On the sand were thousands of starfish, all doomed to die in the mid-afternoon heat. The man continued walking until, up the beach, he saw a child picking up the starfish and throwing them back into the ocean. The man walked over to the child and said, ''What are you doing? You can't possibly save every starfish on the beach. The afternoon sun will dry out all of them. Don't waste your time. What difference can it possibly make?'' The child bent down, picked up a starfish and threw it into the ocean. ''It makes a big difference to that one,'' he replied. (Jon Rosenberg)

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To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world. (Unknown)

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If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one. (Mother Teresa)

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Abandon Lesser Goals

''Leadership is best expressed when we abandon the pursuit of wealth, notoriety and security, and simply give our heart and our gifts, in every moment, to whoever crosses our path, without concern for recognition or remuneration.''

Realize That You Can Do Something

I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. I will not refuse to do the something I can do. (Helen Keller)

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Everybody can be great . . . because anybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to serve. You don't have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace, a soul generated by love. (Martin Luther King, Jr.)

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There are three kinds of people in the world: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who wonder what happened.

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Well done is better than well said. (Benjamin Franklin)

Have a Bias For Action

Learn From Criticism 

Some of us simply justify the way we are, refusing to deal with our personality quirks. But Benjamin Franklin took his quirks seriously, helping him to become one of the most loved people of his time. His Autobiography was a best seller both nationally and internationally. But in his early years, he had to work out some personality issues. In fact, he was so obnoxious that an old Quaker friend took him aside and frankly told him, 

''Ben, you are impossible. Your opinions have a slap in them for everyone who differs with you. They have become so expensive nobody cares for them. Your friends find they enjoy themselves better when you are not around. You know so much that no man can tell you anything. Indeed, no man is going to try, for the effort would lead only to discomfort and hard work. So you are not likely ever to know any more than you do now, which is very little.''

A lesser person would have justified his behavior and thought to himself, ''What does that old Quaker know about anything?'' Instead, Franklin took it to heart and changed the way he related to people. (Sources: Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 129, and The Friendship Factor, by Alan Loy McGinnis, Augsburg Publishing House, 1979, p. 17)

Do All You Can

''Do all the good you can,

By all the means you can,

In all the ways you can,

In all the places you can,

At all the times you,

To all the people you can,

As long as ever you can.''

- John Wesley

Realize That You're Here for Others

''From the standpoint of daily life, however, there is one thing we do know: that man is here for the sake of other men – above all for those upon whose smile and well-being our own happiness depends, and also for the countless unknown souls with whose fate we are connected by a bond of sympathy. Many times a day I realize how much my own outer and inner life is built upon the labors of my fellow men, both living and dead, and how earnestly I must exert myself in order to give in return as much as I have received.'' (Albert Einstein)

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''Only a life lived for others is worthwhile.'' (Albert Einstein)

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''I never perfected an invention that I did not think about in terms of the service it might give others.'' (Thomas Edison)

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As soon as you feel too old to do a thing, go out and do it. As soon as you feel critical, say something kind in a kindly way. As soon as you feel neglected, send a cheery note to a friend. (Oliver Wilson)