Home (Leave Private Section) Links to Resources Crowd Breakers Help
|
Home (Leave Private Section) Links to Resources Crowd Breakers Help |
"Recognition and appreciation of the diversity of others - their opinions, practices and culture"
(See also Generosity/Service, Kindness, Empathy, Courtesy/Civility, Gratitude, Acceptance, Forgiveness)
Synonyms and Antonyms include Understanding, Open-mindedness, Tolerance, Grace, Judging, Prejudice, Racism, Hate.
Click-Throughs to "
Acceptance" CategoriesHow to Become an Accepting Person
Resources on Acceptance
Intercom Insights
|
IDEA! When you get to the place in this illustration when you reveal his name, start a clip from Mission Impossible II running silently in the background. The wild rock climb at the beginning might be a great attention-getter! The point is to show Tom Cruise as cool, which shows kids that everyone has potential and should never be snubbed. |
Would You Have Hung Around Tom?
He had family problems.
Tom’s dad was consumed with his work and
finally abandoned the family when Tom was 12. Some of you know the gut-wrenching
feelings he must have suffered through in middle school.
His family didn't have much money. Tom couldn’t afford some of the things other kids had because his dad refused to pay child support for his four children. He and his sisters had to work to contribute to the family income. They sometimes survived on food stamps.
He wasn't considered cool.
His social life was disrupted regularly by
moves that forced him to change schools an average of once a year (8 elementary
and three high schools). Lots of kids made fun of him. He was always the new
geek, never the cool guy that girls flocked to. Lots of kids made fun of him.
He didn't make good grades.
As if Tom didn’t have enough problems
to deal with, he was always in remedial classes for slow learners. He was later
found to have a learning disorder called Dyslexia, which makes it incredibly
difficult to learn skills like reading. Not knowing what was wrong, he just
thought he was dumb and would often come home crying. With dyslexics, their
brains often tell them that things are backwards. He couldn’t even distinguish
his right hand from his left.
He often failed at sports. Concluding that academics weren’t his forte, he plunged into athletics. He played football but was too small to excel. Wrestling, however, is divided into weight classes, giving him the opportunity to compete. But when running some stairs (trying to lose a pound to compete in his weight class) he slipped on some papers his sister had left and tore a tendon on his leg. So much for athletics.
I'll ask you again, would you have been embarrassed to hang around Tom? I hope not. Because today you'd probably love to have his autograph. Unable to wrestle on the team because of his injury, he tried out for a part in their high school play. He landed a starring role and fell in love with acting. A theater agent just happened to be in the audience the night of the performance and encouraged him to go into acting. Do you know who he is? Tom Cruise.
Today it's hard to make it through the grocery store line these days without finding him staring at me from a magazine cover. How many of you saw him play Ethan Hunt in Mission Impossible or one of his many other movies? His accomplishments are pretty incredible. At 37 years of age (in year 2000), he has starred in blockbuster after blockbuster, is one of the highest paid actors in Hollywood, has been recognized for his achievements in acting by a Golden Globe award and an Oscar nomination, and has the physical agility (and guts) to perform 95% of the stunts in Mission Impossible II, including dangling off that cliff at the beginning of the movie.
Cruise now says that his difficulties in school provided a character course that made him a better person. As a result, he goes the extra mile for his producers and has the people skills that make people love to work with him.
It’s so easy to look at Cruise today and think, "Wow, I wish he'd gone to my school!" Well, perhaps many people who will be extremely successful in life are now at your school. But like Cruise, they don't look very successful now. Many of the students you're snubbing now because of the way they look, their lack of the right clothes or their backward personality may be the ones who are learning those coping skills to make it big one day. Don't reject them because they look like losers today. One day you may want their autographs.
(Written by Steve Miller, Copyright June, 2003. Sources: 1 – "Cruise Control" (excerpt from 'Cruise')(Cosmopolitan) Frank Sanello; 12-01-1995; 2 – "Man With a Mission," ( The Calgary Sun ) Lisa Wilton, Calgary Sun, 05-21-2000; 3 - "Conversations With Cruise," Vanity Fair, June, 2000; Tom Cruise, by Phelan Powell, Chelsea House Publishers, 1999)
For Discussion:
1) Why are the teen years often a poor indication of a person's future?
2) Had Cruise attended your school, how do you think students would have treated
him?
3) What are the main reasons people get put down in our school?
4) How can we be more a part of the solution rather than contributing to the
problem?
5) Personal Reflection: Think of some students or staff who are often put down
or ignored. Write down their initials and go out of your way to speak to them or
encourage them today.
How Would You Have Treated Him?
How Tolerating Obnoxious People Can Pay Off
Topics: Tolerance, Respect, Authorities
A geeky engineer named Woz worked with an obnoxious partner named Steve. They had certain things in common – like an interest in computers and a love for practical jokes. But in other ways they were worlds apart. Steve was into this hippie thing, going barefoot all the time and skipping way too many baths. As a result, he often stunk, but refused to believe he stunk because he was convinced that his weird diet kept him from needing deodorant.
Then there was the special way Steve made you feel when you disagreed with him. Sometimes he’d scream and cry and pitch fits rather than believe that, just once, maybe someone else might be right. If he didn’t like something you were working on, he’d often say it was stupid or useless without even listening to your side. Have you ever had to put up with people like that? Needless to say, Steve wasn’t the easiest person to work with and many people simply couldn’t tolerate him.
But Woz is glad that he tolerated Steve’s irritating quirks and hung in there with him. Together, Steve Wozniak (known as Woz) and Steve Jobs started a little computer company called Apple, which eventually gave the world billions of dollars worth of useful products including computers, iPhones, iPods, iPads, and iTunes.
As irritatingly different as they were, Woz and Jobs needed each other. Woz happily programmed and designed in solitude, not relishing dealing with publicity and sales. Jobs became the public face of the company, helping to dream up designs but also making sure the products got out there. Apple became one of the most successful companies in the world because two very different people tolerated each other enough to work together and change the world. (1)
Discussion
1. What made Steve Jobs get on people’s nerves?
2. What would have made it hard for you to get along with Steve Jobs?
3. How do you think Woz tolerated such irritating qualities?
4. Did Woz have to agree with Job’s beliefs and actions to tolerate him?
5. Does “tolerating” mean that you never confront people about their obnoxious behavior?
6. When do you confront and when do you let it slide?
7. What can this story teach us about the benefits of tolerance?
1) Facts from Walter Isaacson,
Steve Jobs (New York: Simon & Schuster, 2011), pp.
34,43,81,83,84,88,90,91,93,95,101,103,112,121,etc.
(Written by Steve Miller for
www.character-education.info,
Copyright December, 2011, all rights reserved.)
The Power of Put Downs
''I wanted to crawl inside myself and die. But there was no escape. I vowed not to show any emotion though. I sat there, stone-faced, crying on the inside and completely humiliated.''
The words of the insensitive teacher were reinforced by a group of cruel students who delighted in tormenting her. They hit her with books and called her names like pig, fatso, or saying her nose looked like Porky Pig's.
She countered by trying like everything to fit in. One day she got some surfer shorts with a spaceman design that she thought everyone would like. Instead, they burst out laughing when she walked into class, calling her a ''cosmic cow.''
Rather than realizing that she was important and could make something of her life, she believed their cutting words. In her own words,
''I just took their cutting remarks until, eventually, I let them completely undermine everything I knew to be true.'' (p. 99) She ended up ''feeling like the lowliest, homeliest, and dumbest creature at the place.'' (p. 124)
Let's reflect for a minute on what happened to Drew's picture of herself. Although she had a gift for acting and achieved fame by age 7, she believed people's cutting remarks to the point that she felt totally worthless. With the people around her as her only mirror to see herself, she felt dumb and ugly. Was her impression right? Not at all.
Ironically, this little girl who saw herself as a worthless failure, a
''cosmic cow,'' ''pig'' and ''fatso'' would later be chosen by ''People''
magazine as one of the 50 most beautiful people in the world. The girl that the
teacher called ''stupid'' and ''headed for failure'' would be paid $26 million
to star in the movies ''Ever After'' and both ''Charlies' Angels'' movies.
But at the time, she couldn't see her bright future. So, she turned to drugs
to numb the pain. Big mistake. According to Drew, "The higher I got, the
happier I imagined myself, the more miserable I actually was." Alcohol and
cocaine put her in a rehabilitation facility by the age of 13. (pp. 5,6,10,124)
What can we learn from Drew? Here are some thoughts:
First, don't believe people's put-downs. Your conception of yourself may look
nothing like you really are. Some of the most successful people in the world
were put down mercilessly during their school years.
Second, drugs and drinking only make things worse.
Third, don't ever put students or teachers down, even if on the outside they
seem to not care.
Don't Treat People Like Nerds!
A young teenager named Steven didn't seem to fit in at Middle School. Everyone thought that to be important you had to be good at sports like baseball. But Steven was a terrible player. Schoolmates would call him names. But Steven took an interest in photography and movies and found other people who had the same interest. In high school, he called them his ''Leper colony''.
Some laughed at the way he looked and called him "Spielbug." He continued to develop these interest in movies in later years and has become quite famous. You may have heard of him. His name is Steven Spielberg. (Ask youth to name as many movies produced by Spielberg that they can remember.) The same people who laughed at him in school would probably love to have his autograph now. Or at least a week's salary!
It makes me wonder how many students today are being called names because they don't quite fit into the academic or social mold. Don't join in with people's jeers. Even the nerdiest guy on campus has potential that nobody else sees. One day you may want his autograph. Treat him in such a way today that he may give you that autograph if he becomes famous.
For Discussion:
1. Why did people cut down Spielberg during his school years?
2. Is there really any way to predict what people will be like when they grow
up?
3. Why should we be accepting of even those who don't fit in?
4. Could you write down the names of some students on the fringes that you could
get to know this week?
Tell Me More...
Instruct students that you're going to play some music and have them walk randomly about the room and that when you stop the music, you'll shout out a number. At that time they'll have to gather that number of the closest people around themselves into a group and wait for the instructions. You might come up with creative, yet simple ways of giving the number, such as "1 + 6 - 2," or "The number of blind mice in the nursery rhyme". (Don't make it too hard so as to not embarrass anyone. Tell those left out to join another group.) Here are ideas for what to share each time the music stops:
First stop: Each person tell your name and your favorite school subject.
Second stop: Your name and a favorite hobby or past-time.
Third stop: Your name and your favorite style of music.
Fourth stop: Your name and a personal hero or person you respect and why.
Debriefing: It's easy to make judgments on people from first impressions or from what we've heard from somebody else. How does that keep us from respecting them? Yet, if we want to respect people, we've got to know them more deeply. What are some practical ways we can get to know people better? There's so much more to each person than what we see.
Let's Get Beyond Stereotypes and First Impressions
Give each student a sheet of notebook paper, a pen or pencil and either a safety pin or masking tape. On the paper they should write two statements about something that they have done. One statement should be true (but not known to other students) and the other false. Challenge them to be creative. Let them know that their object will be to make if hard for students to guess which statement is true and which is false. They should leave a couple of inches after each statement for other students to write.
Give them a couple of examples: I had an Iguana named Madonna. I've flown an airplane. I once ate a grasshopper. I had brain surgery. After they've had plenty of time, instruct them to have someone fasten the paper to their backs. Have everyone stand up and go around the room, putting a check by the statements that they think are true.
After they've had enough time to get around to most people, have everyone sit down and take off their papers. Find out the winner and top five who got the most checks for their false statement. Give them prizes and have them read their statements. You may want to ask them more information on the true statements if they sound really interesting.
If you want more discussion, allow anyone to share their unusual true statements.
Debriefing: Putting people in a box keeps us from seeing them for who they really are. What's the stereotype of a cheerleader on TV and movies? (Dingy, air-head, popular). It's too easy to find out that someone's a cheerleader and put them in that box. By finding out that a cheerleader has another life outside of cheering can help you see that there's a real person behind that face who has much more to her than just cheering.
According to TV and movies, what's the typical jock like? (Popular, bully, heartless, stuck-up). So what happens when you you meet a jock who's nice and volunteers his time to teach English as a second language or visit the elderly? (It breaks the stereotype.)
If we want to respect others, we must begin by rejecting stereotypes and realizing that there's more to a person than his or her school activities or your first impression.
What Do We Have in Common?
Supplies: Paper and pencils, prize for winning team (bubble gum or suckers?)
Purpose: To help students realize all that they have in common with classmates.
Divide into groups of the same size, with each group having three people. It should not be their closest group of friends. Each team appoints a secretary, who needs a sheet of paper and pencil. Their challenge is to come up with a list of items that they all have in common. The team with the longest list wins. Items that virtually every student has in common (wears clothes, eats food, has a navel, etc.) won't count. Items that count include items such as interests (for example, enjoying the same band or style, likes to swim) family (for example, has a brother), has a tattoo, etc.
Give them about three minutes, so that they have to work quickly. Giving a one minute and thirty second warning will add to the excitement.
"The winning team gets a free, all expenses paid group vacation to the Bahamas! Just kidding. Here's your bubble gum. Congratulations!"
When time is up, find out which team has the longest list and ask team members to read the similarities they listed.
Debriefing
**********************
Crowdbreaker With A Purpose: Do You Love Your Neighbor?
I've seen groups really get into this one! Arrange chairs in a circle. One person stands in the middle ("It"), who points to a person at random and says, "Do you love your neighbor?"
If the person answers "Yes!", then everyone has to go to a different chair. "It" finds an open chair. Whoever is left standing becomes "It" in the middle.
If the person says "No," then "It" asks, "Why not?"
The person responds with some characteristic of that person, for example, "Because she's blonde," or "Because she's a girl," or, "Because he wears glasses," or "Because he's wearing blue jeans."
After the response, only those who fall into that category (wears glasses, etc.) have to exchange seats. Again, the one left becomes "It."
Debriefing: This game was all in fun and people didn't really dislike their neighbors because of the characteristics they mentioned. Yet, if you think about it, are the characteristics that prejudiced people point out really any more significant than the ones we mentioned? It would seem ridiculous if a group of people were prejudiced against redheads, yet, they can be prejudiced against a person with a different color of skin, or one who has different interests (band, football, skating). Why do you think this is so?
**********************
Clip: (Leader: It would be more effective to use this actual clip. It
is a powerful scene.) In a scene from the movie ''Les Miserables,'' a
released prisoner appears at the door of an elderly couple's house, needing a
place to stay. They allow him to spend the night. But during the night a vivid
dream about the horror of his time in prison wakes him, leaving him in a state
of panic. In desperation, he steals their silverware in order to be have enough
money to make it to his destination. The old man awakes, catching him in the
act. The thief knocks him to the floor, unconscious.
In the next scene the police arrive at the old couple's home with the stolen
silverware and the hopeless thief in handcuffs. The police tell the old man the
thief's unbelievable story: that the silverware was given to him. The old man
responds, ''I'm disappointed in you.'' (And we all assume that his next words
will condemn the man to return to the horrid prison. But instead, the old man
shocks us with his response.) ''I'm disappointed because I told you to take the
candle holders as well.'' The police respond incredulously, ''So he was telling
the truth?'' ''Of course,'' the old man replied. In shocked disbelief, the
prisoner regains his freedom on the word of the old man. Because of this act of
grace toward someone totally undeserving, the man becomes a beloved leader in
his city. (© Copyright 2002 Steve
Miller - All Rights Reserved)
There are those who believe something, and therefore will tolerate nothing; and on the other hand, those who tolerate everything, because they believe nothing. (Robert Browning)
It's Hard to Stop Prejudice
I heard of a bus driver who tried to solve the fighting between his white and aborigines students. One day, far out in the country, he stopped the bus and asked the white boys, ''What color are you?'' They answered, ''White.''
''No,'' corrected the driver. ''You are green. Anyone who rides this bus is green.'' After all the white boys understood they were green, he went to the aborigines and asked what color they were.
''Black,'' they responded.
''No, you are green,'' he corrected. ''Anyone who rides my bus is green.''
So all the aborigines answered that they were green.
All went well for several miles until he heard a voice from the back of the bus saying, ''All right, light green on this side; dark green on that side.''
**********************
Madness is rare in individuals--but in groups, parties, nations, and ages it is the rule. (Nietzsche)
You Never Know When You May Need That Person
In a speech to a high school, attributed by someone to billionaire software mogul Bill Gates, the speaker dished out 11 things that youth don't learn in school. Here is rule #11 -
RULE 11
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
Gives Us a Chance to Show and Experience Love
If you judge people, you have no time to love them.
(Mother Teresa)Life Becomes Complicated
I always prefer to believe the best of everybody - it saves so much trouble.
(Rudyard Kipling)Hate Messes Up the Hater
Like an unchecked cancer, hate corrodes the personality and eats away its vital unity. Hate destroys a man's sense of values and his objectivity. It causes him to describe the beautiful as ugly and the ugly as beautiful, and to confuse the true with the false and the false with the true.
(Martin Luther King, Jr., Strength To Love, 1963)We Get to Know Some Really Neat People
In the early days of Rock, the popular Isley Brothers band toured Europe with a young keyboard player who wanted them to listen to the briefcase of songs he'd written. But they never did. They said, ''We figured this guy with the big glasses, how could he write something that would be funky enough for us?'' Now he regrets missing out on all those great songs. The keyboardist was perennial best-selling singer/songwriter Elton John. (Written by Steve Miller. Source: Kot, Greg, ''How the Isley Brothers became – and stayed – the first family of R & B'' Chicago Tribune, November 4, 2001, Sec. 7, p. 1.) This illustrates that we must be humble enough to respect and learn from those we consider ''beneath us.''
All of us Struggle With Prejudices - Joke: Prejudice against Politicians
A Politician, Rabbi, and Hindu priest were traveling together and had car trouble. They went to farm house. The farmer invited them to stay, but said he could only offer 2 beds. One would have to stay in barn. Rabbi said, ''I'll stay in the barn.'' Everyone seemed settled for about 10 minutes, but then someone knocked on the door. It was the Rabbi. ''I can't stay,'' he said. '' ''Pigs are in the barn and they're unclean.'' Hindu priest said he would stay in the barn. Everyone seemed settled for about 10 minutes until the priest returned. ''I can't stay there,'' he said. ''Those cows are sacred.'' The politician said he would stay, and made his way to the barn. 10 minutes later, there was a knock on the door. They answered it, and there stood the pig and the cow!
**********************
How to Become an Accepting Person
Learn How to Forgive
One white man experienced abuse by blacks while he was in prison. He could have forgiven the men and gone on to live a normal life. But he allowed the hate to grow, joined a white supremacy organization, and now faces execution for dragging a black man to his death. His lack of forgiveness destroyed him.
Harris and Klebold could have forgiven the students who put them down at Columbine High School. They could be living happy, productive lives today. Instead, they let their hatred grow, planning for over a year the massacre that killed 12 students and a teacher. And in the end, they destroyed themselves as well.
(© Copyright 2002 Steve Miller - All Rights Reserved)Admit That None of Us Are Perfect (Joke)
One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the rascally behavior that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out. So down the angel went.
The angel returned and said to God, ''Yes, it is bad on Earth: 95% are misbehaving and 5% are not.''
God thought for a moment and said, ''Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion.'' So God called
another angel to send to Earth for a time too.The second angel returned and said to God and, ''Yes, the Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving and 5% are being good.''
God was not pleased. So God decided to E-mail the 5% that were good because He wanted to encourage them. Give them a little something to help them keep going. Do you know what that E-mail said?
No?
I didn't get one either.
It just goes to show that we've all got our problems. Some people's are more evident or irritating than others. But when we can see our own faults, it's easier to accept others with theirs.
Don't Trust Your First Impressions
I heard of one professor at a Christian school who bought a Mercedes every year. ''Now there's one of those ministers who's in it for the money," many would assume. "He preaches to not to get wrapped up in things, but has to drive an expensive car."
But you don't know the whole story. You see, once a year this professor travels from America to Germany to teach at a Christian school. While in Germany, he purchases a Mercedes and uses it for his transportation. Now since Mercedes are made in Germany, they are a lot cheaper to purchase there than in America. Upon his return to the States, he ships the car with him, and sells it in the States for a profit, giving him enough money to pay for his travel back to Germany the next year, so that he can minister there again!
(© Copyright 2002 Steve Miller - All Rights Reserved)Don't Push People into a Mold
You'd think that Pat Riley, arguably the greatest basketball coach on the planet, would have his children shooting hoops from their earliest years. But speaking of his 11 year old son, I think he has some wise advice. He says, ''I teach, but I'm not going to become oppressive. My son couldn't care less about sports. He's a pianist and a computer fanatic, and he likes to sail. That's o.k. He doesn't want to hit anything, bounce anything, chase anything. Don't force it down their throats. Invite them to it, but don't demand it.'' (Robb Report, Summer of '98, p. 82)
Need more resources on "Acceptance"? See also our related categories: Generosity/Service, Kindness, Empathy, Courtesy/Civility, Gratitude, Acceptance, Forgiveness